Through Me... Through My Eyes & Words...

Reach out...

2012-02-05T14:52:00.003+05:30

Something that I have heard about only... But since I know some of my friends... and other people around, I also know that what I am going to write down, is true and needs to be heard and shared.

There are many a times in our lives when we leave people behind, move on in life etc etc... There are true friends of ours who we lost touch with, miss out on, and then life brings us to positions when we find ourselves all alone. This is when we need to realize people who are close to us and true to us and reach out to them! No matter what transpired... whether we did someone wrong or hurt them. If they mean the world to us and they understand us... we MUST reach out to them! Our friends might be upset or in a different frame... but that one action from the person who needs the help and support... Just a phone call is enough... Is all that it takes for the friends to leave the world behind and be there for you... No matter how upset I am with certain people/a certain person in my life... one call for help, just to know that we too are needed in those people's lives is all that it will take.

I know that if I were to see a name flash on my phone even... everything else will be forgiven and I'll be there for some people in my life...! Because I know them, They were my friend, I know the state they are in and how they might be feeling...
But I will not make the first move because this is also their journey and learning. That HAS to be made. The minute they set foot on that journey, they will realize the truth of it... Then they must gather the guts to just reach out... Whether one apologizes for things in the past or clears air etc is step two! Step one is to take that step and reach out! The personal/emotional path/journey that one needs to make to grow spiritually is a tough one, and walking alone on it can throw you off your path too! This is when people start behaving in strange manners to hide true feelings. Act like the others who had been influences in life previously etc... Therefore it is very important to reach out to your true friends when it is the hour of need!

Reaching out doesn't make you a weak person... or smaller in any way... If anything... it makes you stronger and better!

I don't want to ramble more... This is a thought that was passing my mind... My heart is going out to someone on my mind... I hope and pray that this post is read and understood by all and makes a difference to everyone who reads it...
And hope and pray this post is read by someone I really at some level want to reach out to, but cannot as of now...

Are you reading? Hope you are!

Jeena hai aaj... Felani hai khushi!

2012-01-13T22:19:00.004+05:30

Aane waala aayega...
Jaane waala jayega...
Apni zindagi kaise jeena hai...
Yeh to waqt hi batayega...

Logon ka aana ya jaana...
Zindagi ki seekho ke liye hai ek seedi...
Hum kya karte hai, kaise karte hai...
Woh dekhna hai zyada zaroori...

Kal jo beet gaya hai, usse jaane do...
Kal jo aana hai, usse aane do...
Agar aaj main tum na jiye...
Sab bekaar ho jayega, phir sab jaane do...

Zindagi deti hai hume bahut ishare...
Samajhdar ho to woh ban jaye humare sahare...
Aapne aage peeche dekho...
Kitna pyaar hai humare aaju baaju, usse seekho...

Main roz upar waale ke samne sar jhukati hun...
Mujhe itna kuch diya aur sikhaya...
Zindagi jeena dikhaya...
Usse zyada main aur kya chahti hun...

Aage peeche hain mere chahne waale...
Mera kaam hai bas itna sa...
Sab main bhala hi dekhu...
Sabka bhala chahun... Aur khushiyan felati jaun...
Bas khushiyan felati jaun...
Bas khushiyan felati jaun...

A New View

2011-12-29T14:15:00.005+05:30

"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans"
~ John Lennon

I have truly come to understand the meaning of this with a recent turn of events that had taken place in my very own life.

Till now, we used this line lightly, when superficial plan didn't go as per our liking, or we had to make peace with things we didn't get etc etc. But recently, I thought that I had finally overcome a few hurdles in life. Mentally, emotionally, physically and otherwise... Felt like things were finally getting back on track. I was joining back work, something I was unsure of in my journey for so long. Longing to be back in the company of people I enjoyed being around. Working, learning, doing so much more. Friends getting married! Weddings to attend. So much travel on my agenda...! :) So much good coming my way. I was truly at peace to see hose my life seemed to looking more and more perfect on paper! :) And I for one, jumped in head first! Over excited about work! :) Happy to be back! Attended the first friends wedding! Super excited...

Till the day I had a series of blackouts. A week of trying to figure out what went wrong and a zillion tests later, we came to know that I had a few things off inside of me, most importantly, that the lining of my heart has some inflammation, causing some restriction of space from time to time. Nothing too serious, nothing to worry about. Nothing some LONG term medication wont solve. However... I am going to need to take rest for 3 months (if not more) and live a calm normal stress free life till I'm better.

For anyone who knows me, even a little, can understand the meaning of the last line of the previous paragraph...

Anyway... There are many ways I can approach this. Be upset and angry about it. Because all my plans in life have been thrown off course... OR be grateful! Grateful that I'm alive, didn't drop dead. Grateful that no matter the seriousness, I have something that is curable and fixable with some serious heavy duty meds... Grateful that maybe something worse was meant to happen and this is just a smaller form of repentance.

Another way of looking at it... A friend told me... "Rhea, God saved your life this year. There has to be something in return done for that. This is maybe what you need to go through for him saving your life" That too can be so true. They say, 'kuch paane ke liye kuch khone padta hai"

Another thing was, that God is recharging me battery. I am one of his lucky few he does this to. :) Duracel batteries in me are getting recharged! :) So I will be up and running as soon as they finish charging. Hopefully they dont take too long. I'll be all ready as new and good to go! ;)

I have family and friends who love me dearly, some of which are even angry at God. For putting me through this. And I beg them to look at it differently. Never be angry at God. If he puts you to it, he will ensure that he will see you through it. There is a reason for everything that happens in life. No matter how much we feel like we make our own destiny and our own life, people need to understand that what is written is what will happen. The earlier we learn to accept this the better.

There is no better way to explain this. My situation is a perfect example. After contemplating going back to work, everything was sitting perfectly for me to go back to work. Everything is ready and set. And this has now changed course for me.
I had planned to travel to New Zealand for over a year. Tickets were bought a year ago, itineraries had been planned for the past 6 months or more now... No one knew I'd be cancelling my tickets 3 DAYS before the date I had to fly out...
A load of my closest friends are getting married. One after the other. I was to attend all weddings... In my very own city... and now... I cannot attend even one of them...

I am not upset, or angry. I know everything happens for a reason, and I am meant to go through this for whatever reason... But it sure has changed my view on certain things. More so to prove, what is meant to happen, destined to happen... will happen. And there is nothing you or I will be able to do about it. Life is so much easier to accept and live happily if you start understand these codes of life and the universe. The earlier the better... :)

With all my love, to all who read what I write! :)
Rhea*

Sketching and Typing... bring it on! :)

2011-11-09T13:30:00.004+05:30

The view from my window, has never been like this before,
If nothing else, I know, that my mind will never let me bore...
From the dark tales to happily ever after stories,
My mind wanders with this view, and comes up with a story of glory!

Mush and Happy :)

2011-11-09T12:29:00.004+05:30

Okay, however mush this post may sound... I have to! :)
I have recently come across a song called 'Hona tha pyaar' by Aatif Aslam and it is soooo nice! Its soft, gentle and just perfect in so many ways! :)

I am going to write out the lyrics... and maybe scribble a few lines after! :)

Hona tha pyaar, hua mere yaar...
Aaye nazar chehre hazaar...
Hona tha pyaar, hua mere yaar...
Tere dil ke sheher main, ghar mera ho gaya,
Sapna dekha jo tumne, woh mera ho gaya,
Doobe to yuh, jaise ho paar...
Hona that pyaar, hua mere yaar...
Thame dilon ki baahein, hum aate saalo mein...
Paye jawab hum ne, Tere sawalo mein...
Khwabon Ki dor, toote na yaar….
Hona tha pyaar, hua mere yaar...

It is funny, how life pans out and teaches us so much along the way. The thing is, its good to know what you what, but it is VERY important to know what you DO NOT want! :)
Our complex situations in life teach us, give us and our souls the opportunity to grow.... :)
We should see our past as tests... some we passed in the first go, some that took us longer to get through...
Once you start looking at life like so, forgive everything gone by... you'll start being a happier person! :)

I have gone back to my dreamy ways... and happy go lucky self! Brighter skies and rose tinted glasses are back on! :)

Bring on a new wave, I am all set to go...
Let the world see and be a part of my new show...
Bringing in the cheer and spreading the joy...
Cause really, there is no point in being all quiet and coy! ;)

Here's to good and happy times... and the bad and sad times... we must except them all and be equanimous to them all! :)
Know and accept that everything changes, everything passes, everything moves on... :)

Just a few lines!

2011-11-04T10:48:00.002+05:30

Dare to dream,
Be like that stream,
Making its way down the hill,
Without looking back and enjoying the thrill,
No matter what comes in its way,
Passing it by,
Its the only way to be,
Without which one will never see
What life means to thee... :)

Winds of change :) :) :)

Inspired... :) Thank you LifeScholar, for bringing me back! :)

2011-11-03T10:30:00.003+05:30

Inspired by talking to someone very dear to me... I jotted down these lines... :)
Just small reminders of what makes us, 'US' and makes us different...
Not afraid to live, not afraid to love!
Life is interesting when we think with our hearts he said, our brain is not called 'grey matter' for nothing...
*EUREKA* SO true! :)
This post of mine is dedicated to you, LifeScholar, for bringing back my smile this morning, and making me realise, that we are who we are for a reason, and that is exactly what makes us different...
I'm back to making life interesting :) ;) see you soon!

We must have dreams... without them, we are nothing,
Dreams make us want good, want more, want everything!
They make us restless and give us the drive to go get it all,
And that we MUST do, without the fear of having a great fall!

Without desire, life is a little plain and mundane...
Its having that desire, the rush of having it, that makes us go a little insane...
Without these, life passes us by in a jiff...
We look back and say to ourselves, "damm I should have lit that spliff" ;)

We exist because we must, we co-exist, because we trust... :)
We wear our heart on our sleeves, because there is no where else it'd rather be...
We love, through which we explore,
Dare to see sides of ourselves, that otherwise we'd never know!

As we go along, through the highs and lows,
Making our way through the wows and the blows,
We make memories that stay with us for a lifetime,
Our learnings and experiences, that are milestones on our lifeline!

The point to see, is the way to be,
Through it all, for eternity...
Without happiness, faith and love,
There is no grace from anyone up above... :)

Dare to dream, dare to be,
Dare to love and dare to see.
Sing a song in any room,
Skip to a beat, of a catchy tune.

Be funny, be happy,
And the day will no longer seem dappy.
No matter what, have hope and faith,
That love will show you all the ways! :)

Love everything you see,
Being able to love is the only way to be!
Love your parents, Love your car,
Damn, I say, even love a scar!

Love life, love family and friends,
Who comes into your life for what reason and sets what trends,
You'll never know and see,
Yet know, that they have a reason to 'BE'

I can go on and on forever more,
So before I start to be a bore,
I shall say good bye and hope and pray,
For your happiness and the gift of love, for you all in every way! :)

Chadte suraj ki nayi dastaan...

2011-10-25T13:18:00.001+05:30

Kya hua agar hum gire the,
Gir ke uthna hai humne seekha,
Kya hua agar waqt bura tha,
Uska samna kar ke aage badhna hai humne seekha...

Yeh zindagi hume bahaut kuch sikhati hai,
Aage badne ki sehenshakti dilati hai,
Jo bhi padaav aage aane ko hai,
Unhe paar karne ka rasta bhi hume dikhati hai...

Main kaha thi itni pehle pareshaan,
Zindagi se naraaz nahi, thi main hairaan,
Ab meri soch ki hai kuch alag hi pehchaan,
Jaise naye chadte suraj ki nayi dastaan...

Har subha ab lagti hai thodi meethi,
Har shyaam main hai ab ek jaam,
Apni soch badal ke meri nazaron se dekho,
Aur na poocho humrari zindagi ka kya hoga anjaam...

Jaan ke kya haasil kar loge,
Na jaan-ne main hai ek alag mazaa,
Zindagi ka har ek jiya hua kissa,
Banjata hai humari kahaniyon ka ek mehetvapoorn hissa...

Badi daer baad aaj dil lagta hai halka,
Thodi si khushi main hi hai uchalta, machalta,
Chand logo ki wajeh se aaj mera mann aur dil hai aisa,
Jinke bagaer, shayad hota murjhaye hue phool jaisa...

Aage kya hoga, kya koi jaane,
Aaj main jeene ki li hai zid maine thaan,
Upar waale pe hai mujhe poora bharosa,
Ki aage zindagi se na hungi main pareshaan! :)

I am the Right Brain!

2011-10-25T12:45:00.002+05:30

"I am the right brain. I am CREATIVITY. A free spirit. I am passion. Yearning. Sensuality. I am the sound of roaring laughter. I am taste. The feeling of sand beneath bare feet. I am movement. Vivid colors. I am the urge to paint on an empty canvas. I am boundless imagination. Art. Poetry. I sense. I feel. I am everything I wanted to be."
source: TED

Lunch with God (Twinkies and Root Beer)

2011-10-25T12:36:00.004+05:30

This is a story I just read... But HAD to share... just too good!

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.
The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie. The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer. Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy? "He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!
~author unknown~

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love.
Whoever lives in love lives in God,
and God in him.

Break Away...

2011-10-06T19:14:00.004+05:30

You say to me the time is wrong... after everything between you and me that has gone on...
For once I think I agree, there is nothing more that I need to see...

If you and I are meant to be, is a question only time will have the answer to...
For now I think it best for me to keep away from you...

It is exactly what you asked for, and that is what I have to give...
To help me get my head back on track, from all that's just kept me depressed...

Its like a well known man once said... Its all about connecting the dots...
But one can only see how they connect when we look back, not ahead of us and the lot...

I need to break away from you and the world...
Find my own ground once again, away from this world...

A gamut of emotions I haven't felt before...
Seems like I have forgotten what to do, as though I don't know how anymore...

I really am at a loss of words... maybe its time for me to be that way...
Life beckons... I need to listen... I reckon...

Whoever wants to be a part of me and my life... Will be there...
Its all about the degree of the 'want' I guess...
Anyway...

It is always about the small things...

2011-10-04T16:30:00.002+05:30

Something or the other happens everyday for me to believe more and more in the fact that its always about the small things. The little things in life are what really matter...

A friend who knows you, knows what you are made of, know exactly what to say at what time, or what not to say at what time...

You know yourself well enough to know who really cares...
They say the right thing at the right time in a way no one else dares...
If its an instant reaction, a bar of chocolate or a song that reminds them of you...
They will make sure they do all they have to, to be able to get it through to you...
There may be times they know it all, and times when they know nothing...
But that doesn't affect what needs to be done, even if it means to be sitting, chilling and enjoying doing nothing!
The small getaway lunches, the distracting chats and the messages that bring about cheer...
In our hum drum lives, to take us away from the bad moods and take us out for a beer...
Friends old and new do small things at times that make us realize...
That without the small things we really wouldn't have much to our 'happier' lives... :)

Silly kinda mood, but been smiling away to glory realizing how much small things really really matter. Ever so grateful for the people around, god's been kind to surround me with so much love! :)

THank you all and here's to spreading the cheer!

Dreams and new directions... :)

2011-09-30T22:21:00.004+05:30

So I've been thinking... If someone was so to ask me what it was that I wanted to do, what would I see myself doing? Honestly, a 9-5 behind a desk just wont cut it for me... I have been there, done that, and am back to it. I do it because I have to, but that's all really...

I see myself, living by the water somewhere... Running a little cafe, having the time to read, the time to paint, have music running all the time, have my dog there... :) Meet new people coming in and coming by all the time. Taking a walk, meditating, meeting new people, having my friends over... :) all the good things really :) Fingers crossed I get this one day. I really hope and pray this happens. Live there, far far away from all the issue of city life, lead a simpler and happier life! The complexities here really don't impress me much... And by here I mean in big cities. It takes courage in today's day and age to say goodbye to a well paying job and take a risk to do what I want to do... And if I were ever given this opportunity, I think I will take it on...

Anyway, here is to my dreams... and the image stuck in my head... :)

Brighter days... :)

2011-09-28T20:22:00.003+05:30

You know in your heart... when you have seen bad times, low moods, dingy corners of your own self, and made it out safe and alive and feeling better, that there is nothing more/better than being hopeful! It really pulls you through! :)

When everyone tries everything in their power to make things a little bit worse or hard for you, and you see yourself stand though it all... (yes there may have been times when you were a little shaky) but overall came out standing tall... Its a brilliant feeling...

Live life to the fullest. Never look back and NEVER regret a thing... I know I don't! Also, look back and make sure you did everything in your power that you wanted to do in situations you found yourself in. And when you've done all you can and things still don't go your way... Know that there is better in store for you. Or maybe just the time wasn't right for what you wanted... Have faith in life and the course it takes... At the time it might seem like you're living a tragedy, but when you look back its a wonderful feeling. The learning about others, yourself, your emotions... there is nothing that can match up to it.

I know that if I drop dead tomorrow, I have no regrets! God has been kind enough to give me a loving family, some great friends, some not, loads of learning and experiences that make me realize how far ahead of a lot of people i am.. evolved in my thinking that I am actually! Truly blessed! For all of those who feel like I have no clue or I have a long way to go... Yes I have a long way to go, but for most of those who think this about me, I am sure they haven't covered my distance yet! :) Only my family will get what I'm saying right now! :)

ANyhow... point of this post... Everyone makes choices and decisions in life... And I've made some recent ones. Time to move on, change course, new directions is around the corner... and I wait for them with a smile and arms wide open! :)

Here's to brighter days and back to the goodness of life in all its simplicity! :)

MUSIC: Brings alive my soul!

2011-09-22T13:49:00.002+05:30

I know this fact, have always known it... yet lately it hadn't been playing the same important role it had in my life earlier... MUSIC, makes my soul and me feel alive...

I was one who constantly had music playing. Had an iPod running all the time. Earphones or speakers or on my laptop. Life was just happier then. When a friend of mine who really knows me, first realised that there was no music as soon as I woke up in the morning, she straight away picked up on the fact that there were some things bothering me in life... This is what true friends are. They know you in and out without having to say a word ... !

ANyway, not to digress from the point. Music makes me feel alive. There is nothing that can work better on changing my mood or making me feel better the way that music does it for me. It exports me to a world of my own in a matter of seconds. Thank the lord for that. As we grow old, the realities of life have a way of bringing us down. And we need to have that something that brings us out and helps us deal with them and let us be the happy souls we are meant to be. And spread the joy... :)

I remember one time at a friends house, I had gone for dinner and wasn't really feeling very well. They were all watching a footy match and I was lying on a bean bag DEAD as hell. The minute the match finished, someone put on some music and five minutes into that, I was up and dancing! When the evening came to an end, rather when the music stopped at around dinner time, it took a matter of seconds for my body to go back to feeling like hell! I was back to being ill, with my fever and aches and pains back with a bang! LOL

In short, thank god for my music, my ipod because I really don't know how I'd manage a few situations in life and where I'd get my rest and strength from otherwise... For all those who know me, thank you and I love you for knowing me... :) and worry not, MUSIC IS BACK TO STAY... with a bang! :)

Out of sight, out of mind? If only it were THAT easy!

2011-09-21T10:55:00.001+05:30

Out of sight is supposed to be out of mind... isn't it? You'd think... I'd like to say... YA RIGHT!

Gazing at the ceiling of a pitch black room,
Thinking of you kind of takes away the gloom,
But not knowing or feeling what we did before,
Makes me yearn for it more and more.

Not saying I want things to move at a fast pace,
But I hope for you, I have not been replaced,
Not that I doubt you for a second,
But a few kind words and some comfort wouldn't hurt, you reckon?
I miss the times we snuck in a kiss,
With the thrill of being caught, which I kind of miss.
Keeping an eye on each other and doing small things,
That mattered so much, that my heart, with joy, rings!
That one touch of your arm, or a gentle hug,
Is all that I need, to not be smug,
With everything around, its hard you see,
To be normal and not be able to react as me!
Think of me and be kind,
Know that you are the only one who is always on my mind,
I don't know what you have going on,
But believe me I'm waiting for this storm to pass and move on...
I have a dream and a will to push,
My own life and all that comes along, the rush,
Nothing can break my faith and strength at all,
Just a little show of support though, can make me go through a wall! :)
You have your own battles to fight,
I'm going to be standing there, in your line of sight,
No matter what, no matter where,
Whenever you think of me, need me, I'll always be there.

Gazing at the ceiling of a pitch black room,
Thinking of you kind of takes away the gloom,
But not knowing or feeling what we did before,
Makes me yearn for it more and more.

Lyrics ... that were kinda a reminder slap in the face for me! :)

2011-09-20T22:14:00.002+05:30

We all go about holding onto things in our lives... We are ALL hoarders in some form or the other. We hold on to material belongings, emotional attachments and anything and everything we can find. Yes, it IS natural for this to happen, we are human! But we need to understand that knowing the reality and accepting it, helps us understand and accept our lives better. No matter what the situation, as many curveballs that come our way, or lemons get thrown our way... Understand one statement, 'THIS TOO SHALL PASS'! Whether good or bad, everything dies.

Here are the lyrics to this song which I think is fabulous by the way... enjoy and find the link to the song below too!

Na bandho zor se mutthi main, zindagi raet hai, phisal jayegi...
Kabr ke aur nahi to bata eh zindagi, kidhar jayei?
Jaise oase ke boondh hai kapti hui ghaas ke noke pe...
yeh zindagi bas ek hawa ke jhooke se bikhar hi jayegi...
Harne ko kuch nahi aur jeete ko padi hai yeh duniya,
Is se behtar ab koi aur baazi, phir na aayegi...
Yeh zindagu dariya ki mauj tinke se hasti apni,
Jaana chahe na chahe yeh le hi jaye, jidhar jayegi...
Na bandho zor se mutthi main, zindagi raet hai, phisal jayegi...
Kabr ke aur nahi to bata eh zindagi, kidhar jayei?

Song: http://soundcloud.com/pankajawasthi/ret-hai-zindagi?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=facebook&utm_content=http%3A%2F%2Fsoundcloud.com%2Fpankajawasthi%2Fret-hai-zindagi

I lost my heart ... to you...

2011-09-20T15:31:00.006+05:30

I lost my heart... to you...
Darling you know its true...

I have never in my life felt this blue...
All because I am far away from you...
So close yet so far...
A feeling I'd never wish for upon a star...
For you, me or anyone in this world...
Because an aching heart is the worst by far...
You know the truth in your heart...
And I can see it in your eyes...
We try to be fine whenever we are apart...
But as soon as we meet, we can see through the lies...
I think of you and smile...
But it has been a while...
Since you've held me in your arms so tight...
That my heart could jump a mile...

You Have to know I Love You, after all this time...
I'm just afraid because the truth is, my Heart is no longer mine...

Pictures say a thousand words

2011-09-15T10:53:00.013+05:30

They say, pictures say a thousand words... Here are a few from me to you... :)

Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost...! :)

2011-09-14T10:22:00.002+05:30

I've been putting up a brave face for a few things going on in my life currently! Not complaining at all, as god has been gracious enough to give me such a great life and I feel so very blessed. I look around and have a fabulous family, some gems as friends, a great job, loving caring guardian angels and so much more. Just that sometimes, when we're low on energies and our reserves, nothing can help us and stop us from breaking down. Yesterday was one such day for me.

I was sitting and questioning a lot of things, which I know I should not. I know everything will happen correctly and for the best, but my weaker side took over for a while. Questioning how and why I was the way I was. Why things affected me so much? Why I was surrounded by the world and yet had never felt so alone in my life? Why life had funny ways or turning things around? Why others cannot be as expressive or even a little expressive as I am? Why do we find it hard to be alone and be indifferent when we are born alone and we die alone? Why does what people do affect me so much even though I know I'm right? These are just a few of the zillion questions that came to my mind.

I cried myself to sleep as early at 730 post which I was woken up by a friend and my cousin. Cried a bit more, vented partially what was going on in my head. I don't even have the open hand to vent everything I want to. I only get to do that in the one hour I sit at the gurdwara! That too I don't vent really, just am grateful and thankful! Crying I guess is my form of release... Its hard, it aches, it kills most of the time yet its gotta be done.

At the question of why I let what others do affect me so much, why looking at others suffer or something makes me so sad, my cousins responded with a simple line... 'Maybe its a good thing. At least we know you're human!'

On a normal occasion I would have agreed, but lately, I've been doing this whole I'm strong act and telling myself I'm fine (which at most levels I am) that this time it didn't help. Where is my person who can be my shoulder? Where is someone for me who will be my strength? Where is that one person who will make me see the sun shine the next morning no matter how dark a night it has been... Anyway...

I have to admit, its great being surrounded by people who love you. God really has been kind. I have a few angels looking over me at all times, which helps me pull myself out of my low, weak moments.

I asked another cousin of mine why I was supposed to go through all of this hurt, and pain, and ache and still be the strong one and just keep going on faith of it being a brighter day tomorrow.... His response was so beautiful, I was smiling with tears rolling down my eyes! I love his view on the world and life! He really is god's blessed child. He said, "Imagine how a diamond is formed... things under the earth decay, then form carbon, then it turns into coal. Over the years with all the pressure and perseverance it becomes a Diamond. Imagine for a moment, what it might feel like in its initial years. Thinking why it must have to go through this shit... However, had it not gone through all of that, it would have only been normal coal."

What more does one say to that? NOTHING! Just nothing...

There is one more line that comes to my mind which I hear a friend say to me every now and again which I will close with. This is not just for me and to remind myself of this truth, but also certain few people who are very near and dear to me. Hope this makes sense and gives you the strength to do the right things for your own self. No matter how hard it may seem, and how weak you may think you are. Surround yourself with people who are truly your friends and know you well, you don't have to do anything alone.

"Hamari filmon ki tarah, hamari life mein bhi end mein sab theek ho jaata hai, aur agar nahin hua hai, to picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!"

Where you really belong...

2011-09-12T08:36:00.002+05:30

How I like the rain,
Its where I can hide my pain,
Under the streams of raindrops,
How easily they cover my teardrops...

No one will ever know,
Cause I won't let it show,
How you affect me so,
And day by day these feelings grow...

I love you ever so much,
And darling its time for me to let you go,
For there is a path he needs to show,
Which you need to walk on and grow...

We who burn in love,
Will never be at peace,
But look to me for strength,
And put your heart at ease...

I can't stop this feeling,
Deep inside of me,
No one will know or realise,
What you do to me...

I've done the right thing to do,
Now its your turn to do the same, and not be blue...
Make the right choices and we'll all be there for you,
God forbid you slip and fall, which in the past you've been known to do.

Its a test of strength,
A question of right and wrong,
I love you with all my heart,
And you know that is where you really belong!

Situations and directions...

2011-09-09T12:38:00.004+05:30

Mera dil jiske liye jag utha hai,
Kya woh mere khuda ka bheja hua hai?
Lagta to aysa hi woh, Bilkul mere jaisa,
Meri rooh main bas chuka hai...

Zameen aasmaan ka phark hote hue bhi,
Ek hone ka ehsaas hua hai,
Duniyan ki mushkilain samne aate hue bhi,
Aakhri manzil pe bharosa dilojaan se hua hai...

Kaiynaat saari cheezain mere saamne la rahi hai,
Mujhe har pal sahi rasta dikha rahi hai,
Jo lamhe ghabrahat main kho bhi jaate hai,
Woh bharpoor pyaar, himmat aur aitbaar se wapas dila rahi hai...

Mere bharose aur mere khuda ka yeh hai imtehaan,
Aage kya hoga, yeh rasta hai anjaan,
Magar aaj aur kal jeena hai befikar,
Kyuki humara rasta humare liye hoga mahaan...

Mujhe apne aap se nahi hai koi shiqwa,
Lekin tujhse hai ek gum,
Doosro ke baare main sochte sochte,
Kho diya hai tune apna makaam...

Har manzil chadni nahi hai zaroori,
Na hai paana har makaam,
Poocho unse joh tumhe chahte hai,
Kitna mushkil hai dekhna tumhe dukhi aur pareshaan...

Chup chaap apne aap main sama gaye ho,
Apna dard aur chot apne aap main mila rahe ho,
Apne dil aur chahne walo se baat tak nahi kari,
Yeh batao mujhe, yeh kar ke tum kya jatana chah rahe ho?

Sab na sahi, ek ya do log hai tumhare khaas,
Unse baat karo, taki unhe bhi hoye ehsaas,
Ki unka bhi koi hai jise chahiye sahara,
Woh bolta nahi hai kuch, taake lage na woh bechara...

Sach to yeh hai ki bolne se darta hai tu,
Kyu ki sachai aur sahi rasta hai samne,
Aur waha bikharta hai tu,
Janta hai ki sahi hai aur kya hai galat,
Par darta hai, nahi sudharta hai tu...

Aaj deti hun main ek mashora,
Apni dil ki sunno aur rab par karo bahrosa,
Galtiyan sab karke girte hai,
Jo utha hai, jaise uthta hai uske baad, woh hai sacha vijayata.

Apne aap ko na samajh himmatwaala,
Maddad mangne se ghabrata hai kyu?
Sahi raste kabhi nahi hote aasaan,
Darta hai, to upse akele kyu chalta hai tu?

Kabron pe mehel koi nahi banata,
Lekin kabron par bhi/mae bhi koi nahi hai rehta...
Yeh tere aur mere bare main nahi hai,
Yeh tera imtehaan hai, jo tu chahta nahi hai dena...

Khuda se hai mere dil kil dua,
Ki tujhe woh himmat de,
Taki chale befikar tu, Ho nidar tu,
Sahi kaaj aaj kar tu,
Aur apne bal pe vijay nikal tu...

Feeling safe... Feeling at peace... My safe place...!

2011-09-02T23:43:00.003+05:30

I have had 6 night of no sleep... I have been walking around, going to work and living life more or less like a zombie this week. I happened to have 15 mins of peace and calm in the middle somewhere I feel safe and secure...
I felt the need to be there again so bad, but knew that it wasn't really going to happen. However, the universe was kind and heard me out...

Today I didn't get very much time, but whatever little time I got in my safe place, was enough to rejuvenate me. For the first time in 7 days... actually the second time in so many days, I was in a place, where I felt happy, peaceful, calm, safe and just ME. You know there are times when you feel like you 'belong' somewhere... A place which you can call your own, a place where you are happy, at peace with yourself and everything under the sun... And more than anything, a place where you're safe. Where you know nothing can get to you, hurt you, harm you... I've found my place... Unfortunately... I can't always call it mine, and I can't be there when I want just yet... BUT, the way I feel when I am there... I know that it is MY place and MINE alone! It will be mine soon enough! Whether anyone knows it, feels it or not!

Anyhow... I think that life is short... and a recent incident made me realise that if I were to go tomorrow, I would have no regrets what at all... But maybe a wish for more time just to spend in my special place! :) Today, I was over taken by emotion, just by having alone time and being in the place I wanted to be in so bad. It made all the difference in what I had been going through these past few days...

Point of the blog... find a space where you belong, a place where you can be you... a place where the world could not seem like a safer place. Live in it as much as you can... Make it live in you more and more each day! Cherish it and be at peace...
<3

Constant Learning. Lesson xx - Learn to be alone

2011-08-29T15:17:00.004+05:30

For people like me, who have been used to having a support system, whether with friends or family anywhere that we have gone... It is probably the hardest lesson to learn. But we MUST learn this lesson. Once you master this (which I am far from!) life will seem a lot easier. Things will be much easier to deal with and accept.

Everything in life passes. Whether its a good feeling or a bad one. Everything passes. Good and bad... We need to understand this to be able to live a little more peacefully!

Recently I've just gone through a bit of an accident which could have been catastrophic. Everyone in the car was safe but two of my closest friends have had whiplash and need to take care of themselves or will have a very hard time in the future with complications to their health. The others and I have gotten away with bruising and aches and pains which is normal after the kind of impact the car had at the time of the collision. I can't stop thinking about my friends who I wish have a speedy recovery!

But things like this make you really think a few things through. In so many instances around you!
You get to know who are the people in your life to stay, who is there to leave, who is there to talk and do nothing... etc etc...

~!~!~!~!~
So I started this blog ages ago... and now I have made peace with it... in short... Learn to be alone... Its the hardest thing you will have to learn if you are anything like me... But its a MUST to know... :)

Missings, feelings, ramblings

2011-08-27T12:34:00.002+05:30

Being strong is something great... its a power we all possess in different amounts...
Just a few lines I want to pen down... thinking out loud of a feeling that goes by every now and then!

I wake up in the morning, to think of you,
The last dream I remember, was obviously with you,
Checking my phone a zillion times a day,
To try and see if you think of me and miss me the same way.

Its time for me to be strong,
I know I have the will to go on,
But all I wish for from time to time,
Is the feeling to know that one day you will be mine.

Not a day goes by without thinking of you,
Not a thing passes me, without reminding me of you,
I don't know if I have ever felt this way before,
But its a feeling that right now, I'm not sure I adore...

I always smile at the thought of your face,
That naughty smile, those glittering eyes and your warm embrace,
The chirpy hugs, kisses and attention I'd get before,
Now those are feelings I do and always will adore!

I miss you asking about me,
Expressing how you feel, without being weird,
Miss being told how much I'm missed,
Being held without being feared.

I keep myself busy and try to stay calm,
Without you though, that feeling sets off an alarm,
I am so amazed at myself for feeling this way,
Don't know if its a weak way of being, or a new, strong ray.

So today I ask for the courage to be,
A stronger, more patient and happier me,
To make my will go on longer and stronger,
Waiting for you and thinking of memories and times, to which I grow so much more fonder...

Gentle reminders. Thank you Steve Jobs!

2011-08-26T10:48:00.002+05:30

Steve Jobs has recently resigned and that has lead to the world paying much more attention to him. Which is great I think, because the way that man thinks is brilliant! He is a great speaker and I truly feel that he needs to and has soo much more to share with the world!

He gave a speech (amongst so many that he has given) where he concentrated on just three things. Those three things are the most important if you look at it...

1) Connecting the dots - Have faith in the ways of the world and specially when you are following your heart. Whether it is with regards to education, work, love anything! Know and have faith in the fact that at some point in life, all the dots will connect. One can never see what is happening in the present and what for, but trust the fact that the dots WILL connect in the end. Call this ways of the world, the universe, karma, ways of God... Look at it anyway you can see the true meaning of it for you.

2) Love - The most important thing in one person's life. There has to be love and passion for anything and everything. The work you do, the people you interact with, the lovers in life, family ties, IT ALL! Where would you be without love? Have faith in yourself, your heart and your intuition... They somehow already seem to know what you want before you do... :)

3) Death - Believe it or not, look at life and you'll see that we are born to eventually die. Death is inevitable. So the earlier we realise this, the more we learn how to truly live life. Wake up and ask yourself one question, 'If this was my last day, would I be doing everything the same way?' or ... 'If I were to live tomorrow, what would I do that I have not done so far' Start living, make the most of the journey, cause the final destination is death! :)

Live life, be happy, be sad (but not for long), spread joy, harmony, be humble, be daring, be aspirational, be passionate, be human, be superhuman, be forgiving, be soo many things... at the end of the day, be happy!

Dukhte hue dil aur inn chand panktiyon ka koi naam nahi hai...

2011-08-17T21:26:00.005+05:30

Yeh dil rota hai tere liye,
Bahe yeh aason, tere liye...
Tu mera hokar bhi mera na ho saka,
Yeh dil kitna roya hai aaj, tere aur mere liye...

Na jaane meri kismat mujhe kya sikhana chahti hai,
Mere dil pe roz ek naya khel kilati hai,
Jeetna ya harna nahi batati,
Lekin dil dukha ke, ro ke, rola ke, jaane kya jataati hai...

Roke na ruke yeh aason,
Behlaye na behle yeh dil.
Itna dard de kar samjhana,
Kyu nahi lagta kisi aur ko mushkil?

Mere aason sirf mere hai...
Mera dukh sirf mera hai...
Baatne waala koi ho kar bhi...
Sab kuch mujhe sehna akele hai...

Meri zindagi ke kal main kya basa hai kya koi jaane,
Lekin mere aaj ke liye koi na hai sahara,
Rab se dua hai meri dilon jaan se,
Kisis aur ko mere jaisa na banana...

Sab sahne ki sakti hai,
Lekin apne aap pe na hai kuch laagu,
Kab koi samajh sakega mujhko,
Kab main is bure sapne se jaagu?

:( :'(

Tumhare intezaar main sanam,
Kahi yeh dil pathhar na ho jaye,
Main to yeh bilkul nahi chahti,
Lekin dar hai kahi yeh muqaddar na ho jaye.

Aaj hui hai yeh aankh nam,
Jaane Kya rahega kal yeh gum?
Itna kyu sochti hun main?
Kyu nahi aapne aapko rokti hun main?

Aaj pehli baar, mera dukhta dil kuch bola hai,
Jaane kyu aaj isne apna muh khola hai,
Aage jaake koi samjhe ya na samjhe,
Bina yeh soche aaj yeh dil roya aur bola hai...

... Aur likha nahi jaraha...
Ek hi sawaal dimaag main hai aa raha...
Dil tu akhir kyu rota hai?
Duniyan main to aisa hi hota hai... henna?

Dil aakhir tu kyu rota hai? Duniya main yehi hota hai...

2011-08-17T13:14:00.003+05:30

Obviously, things dont always go the way we want...
There are times we have to put a heavy strong on our heart and make some tough choices... I probably going to have to do that soon enough...

Usi ke baare main sochte hua, yeh mujhe yaad aaya... quite apt I thought, so sharing the same... my fav line being, 'Dil tu aakhir kyu rota hai? Duniya main aisa hi hota hai...' :(

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
...Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai ?
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai...

Yeh jo gehre sannaate hain
Waqt me sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi namm hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai ?
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai...

Life and some teachings...

2011-08-17T12:01:00.002+05:30

Life teaches you so many things... As we grow older, we interact with different people and have different experiences. Some good, some bad, some ugly, some Amazing and so on and so forth. But at the end of the day, we go through all of these things to learn. Constant learning is happening in our lives. The moment you think that you know it all, or 'at your age' you've seen it all and a lot, life will remind you of HOW wrong you are. Some people chose to notice those reminders and the others just ignore them. Its a personal journey we all have to make.

Life teaches you lessons that you don't really want to learn... But ever thought for a second that maybe you 'need' to learn these lessons. You have a path made out for you chose to walk on it wisely or not... Yes we have to make mistakes, this is how we learn. Yes life isn't a cake walk, who the hell led you to that misconception...??
But one has gotta live it...

People think they know you, and you know them, but really, no one knows yourself better than you. So you need to make your decisions and choices, whether those get changed at a later stage or not. You need to do what you think right at that moment. LIVE at your own risk. Do not care about what people say or think. I have in the past few years been thrown off my own path because 'people talk'! How ridiculous was it that I let it affect me! And I realised, that no matter what kind of person you truly are, people will paint their own picture of you. Even the people who 'supposedly' know you will paint their own picture the second they hear something that doesn't sound familiar to them.

Anyway, life is a learning, through and through. It teaches you many a things... and I for one have learnt so much in the recent past. The biggest learning I must say, is that we are probably better off alone... Coming from a person like me, this is really hard to believe... I'm not sure that I truly stand by this... Probably not... But I'm kind of feeling alone right now... Which is where this comes from.

To all my friends who have their bubbles... Keep em... Once they burst and life gets a jaded tint, its really hard to be strong. One has to be really strong to be positive through all the shit that might come your way. I feel like I'm one of the few who is fairly strong and will smile through the shit... Just sometimes when the lows are hard... I chose to disappear... Or be silent... I do believe that silence is the biggest cry for help from a woman... Just that people don't know this fact...

On that note... ... ... ... ... ...

Some memories ALWAYS put a smile on your face!

2011-08-08T15:07:00.003+05:30

We have all heard 'MY favourite things' from the movie 'The Sound of Music' at some point or the other. That really does help you see how thinking of some things, your favourite things can always chirpen you up and brighten your day! :)

Similarly, there are ALWAYS certain memories that bring a smile to your face. This is not restricted! [OK, I have to admit it works...! I was just in a rotten mood for a certain reason, and instead of concentrating on the reason I just thought of happier moments. It surely worked!:)]

Anyhow, back to the point. Some places you went at some time with someone... Conversations, looks exchanged, a nice warm hug, a drive holding some one's hand, a kiss that was snuck in at some point, something as silly as a chocolate that was bought for you by someone unexpected and the look on a friends face when he/she is truly happy.

*sigh* How I wish everyone had the power to reach in to happy memories and make themselves happier people! :)

Here is to happy memories... and some of you reading... know exactly what I mean... No matter what, no matter how one behaves, no matter who pushes one away, no matter how bad a day gets, no matter how big a fight is, no matter what the misunderstanding... Happy thoughts, happy memories, happy smiles, lots of love and faith... ALWAYS!

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

2011-08-04T19:22:00.003+05:30

The title of this post is from a song... But I don't really mean it in the same sense.

You know I have gone through a funny phase this past year... Felt like I had lost my grounding a bit and have taken a full circle trying to make my way back.

Finally, in the recent past, I had decided that it was time to get back into action in a lot of ways in my life and I did. I know that when I get down to something, plan in my head and decide what I need to do, I just go ahead and do it. And when I want something with a clear and earnest heart, I get it too.

Things have started moving in the direction they should, and everything is going well... I'm happy yet I feel like there is a void in me. I'm happy yes, but sometimes I feel like I'm happy only on the outside... I've never ever in my life felt this before... I am one who emotes and feels every emotion to the fullest...

I knew that in a months time I needed to get a job, which paid me a certain amount, post which I need to start looking for an apartment and things would start sitting in place...

I got a job, which paid me what I asked for (contrary to what most people thought about what I'd get) I know that taking an apartment and everything else that needs to happen will also happen. I'm happy because as always, when I really put my mind to what I want, I get it... But this time round... for some reason, my heart is not truly happy... I feel a void. Normally I would have probably reacted questioning this feeling and pulling myself down about it. But this time, I'm observing the feelings inside of me for a change. I'm not reacting to them, just observing them. It is a different feeling, I can't really seem to explain it.

I'm happy, grateful, hopeful and looking forward to a lot. But still feel like there is something missing... Is it a part of me? Is it something else? I have no idea... All I know is that the day may be bright, but I'm not my brightest. The flower may be beautiful, yet I don't pay attention to it the way I normally would. I can smell the coffee, but it doesn't taste as strong. I feel a little numb inside... and I just don't know why... I might have a slight idea as to what it might be... But I wont know for sure till what I'm thinking of in my head, happens.

So... Here I am... living each day as it comes. I guess this is yet another something new for me to go through :)

It's a little bit funny... This feeling inside!

...alone...

2011-08-01T21:54:00.005+05:30

At the end of the day...
We're another day older...

Another day older,
Is not as bad as before...

The only thing that pinches somewhere...
Is that I am still all alone...

Plans are what we make for ourselves...
And life is what happens while we do that...

But somewhere I'd wished,
For someone like me,
To be able to hold my hand and see,
Where I'd like to see myself,
With that someone like me...

All alone in what I'm going through,
No one will know, not even you...
There is no way to make this any better,
Than to look at now and HOPE for better...

Hope and faith keeps us alive...
Alone or not, giving us the will to survive...

The show must go on...

2011-08-01T00:59:00.003+05:30

Sometimes ever thing you do, is never enough. No matter how hard you try to do things in a certain manner, so that you and everyone around you can be happy... It just doesn't seem to happen.

Whether you do things right or wrong, you end up going through the same situations. Its a real morale killer I must say! But when you look back, you can see that everything is a choice you make.

You can choose to be sad about all the things that are going on in your life, or you chose to have a happier outlook in life. I for one can say with all my heart, that life has been throwing a lot, A LOT of curve balls my way. All I can keep doing in hitting them outta the ball park! :) I don't want to get striked out and do not want to make small runs. I want to hit all the balls out of the park, and that's exactly what I do with my attitude. I know what I want, I know what I am doing in not wrong and as long as my conscience is clear there is nothing that can get in my way.

Situations at home are always tough, but at the end of the day one has to realise that family is family. For me, clearly, I have always believed that your family should be your priority. Tomorrow god forbid something goes wrong in life, the only people really and truly standing next to you will be your family.

No matter what the issues... with family and otherwise... Make smart choices. Choose the people you keep around, other than family obviously, very carefully. Do not give them the right to cross certain lines. And be happy with life and choices you have made. I must emphasize on the fact that a LOT of thought needs to be given on the people around you, but once you do, make sure you are okay/happy with it.

With family, you can't really choose who you have around, however you can decide to ignore certain things and move on from the issues cause and created.

Either way, the show must go on... The show we call 'life'. Like a friend and I always say, 'This too shall pass' and that saying, 'Life is what happens when you have other plans' :)

aching heart

2011-07-24T19:59:00.002+05:30

One of the hardest things to deal with is an aching heart. Over and above that, if one doesn't have the support that is needed, its like a total killer...

Its like going to war... Just alone...

You're aching for certain things in your life... And no matter how hard it may be, you know you'll come out a winner at the end. But you have to go through the aches and pains and sometimes that just feels so so hard. Over and above that, the few people who know what you are going through, probably have enough going on for themselves, so knowingly or un-knowingly do and say things without thinking.

Anyway, there is no real point for this blog... I have a gazillion thoughts in my mind and they are driving me crazy... Some people around me not talking to me is just not helping the cause... Anyway... 'This too shall pass' has been my punchline lately and worked really well till tonight... I guess its just taking a little longer to set in...

Aching... and aching alone... :( its the worst feeling in the world and I don't wish it upon anyone else ever.

Doing the right thing... hurts like hell...!!! But makes you smile in the long run :)

2011-06-21T12:06:00.008+05:30

You know you're thinking in the right direction and doing the right thing if you are finding it very hard to come to terms with or deal with. Not because you are doing it for the wrong reasons... But for the fact that you are doing it for the right reasons, and probably putting a rock on your heart and doing it for the good of everyone involved... :)

If you love something or someone with all your might, you have to let it go. If it is meant for you, it will make its way back to you through thick and thin and there is NOTHING that can stop it. However, you have to make life for yourself and others around you simple, happy and full of love and compassion and care... Take steps towards it! :) Help people understand their true wants and desires!

I'm going to sign off with just a few quotes a friend has been making or finding which have been hitting a cord! :)

"We all sometimes believe that falling in love is the greatest feeling anyone could wish for, but I realize that there is no better feeling than finding the right one at the right time..."

"When I decide not to think of you, is exactly when everything reminds me of you!"

"One of the worst feelings in life is holding onto something you know you need to let go of."

sigh ... happy thoughts and smiles

2011-06-14T22:21:00.003+05:30

So, here's the thing. I don't know what it is about the weather and the surroundings lately, nothing seems to keep me low! :) If there are negative thoughts or sad thoughts, I always seem to see the light of day. Whether it is the presence of new thoughts in my mind, or just a better place I see myself in, now and in the future. Whatever it is, is helping me stay happy and remain positive! :)

Songs make sense, I'm being more patient and just knowing that I'm not giving up on what I want somehow makes me be able to manage life better. Sure this is a new feeling, amongst other things I have been feeling, and I am bound to make some mistakes, but I'm sure that everything is on track and will sort itself out in time! :)

My faith is stronger than that and the fact that I'm sure and clear on certain things that I want, it makes me that much more comfortable and happy.

So ya, happy thoughts, happy smiles and happy vibes! :) loving the space! :)

Midnight scribbles... :)

2011-06-13T23:46:00.004+05:30

One of those days when there is just so much going on in my mind! :)

But the best part about it is, that me being in a happy and peaceful place with myself just helps me to look at things so much better. I really do feel blessed at times to have the thought process that I have. I have friends who make fun of me and tell me to act my age and not be ahead of my times, but I don't let that bother me. I can surly behave the same way other people at my age would normally behave, but I have been blessed enough to have been given evolved thoughts, to see a larger picture, a better picture. I chose to take the more evolved thoughts/actions instead of doing what other people do at my age. I learn from other people's mistakes and learn from their learnings too! (As much as I can! I must admit it is hard!) There are times when I pick up the negative qualities of those around me too. However, once I identify them, I am aware of them, I do what I have to do to bring myself back on course.

As for those who tell me to act my age and doubt my thought process, well, they all know that I am right, and that is what probably scares them and probes them to tell me what they do.

I have lived my life, made the most of it all, had fun, done what I wanted to do, MY way and at an early age have been fortunate to have had enough and more experiences to make me who I am today. I can chose to act like a frivolous bimbo, or be the way I am. I chose to be the way I am. I live by a few things. I make sure my conscience is clear every night I sleep. At the end of the day you have to answer to yourself and the lord above. Also, I never have regrets in my life. I recently saw something which I agree with. Never have regrets, because at some point or the other you wanted to do what you might be regretting at that moment. Never look back and regret any experience you might have had. Cherish it and learn from it, to make you a better and stronger person.

I am also asked and questioned about my feelings and how sure of them I might be. How do you explain to someone how you feel? And once you do, how do you make sure they understand how true your feelings really are? How do you make them see the purity of intent, and earnest emotions? How do you make them feel what you feel? There is no real answer for these questions you see. There is a saying which goes something like, you can only take the horse to the pond, but cannot make it drink the water. Others have their perceptions... I don't expect anyone to know, understand, believe or anything of what I'm feeling. All I can do is be true to myself and the others. The rest is up to them. :)

At the end of the day, it boils down to what I have been saying for a while now. There is always two ways of looking at a situation. Sometimes more than two ways.
You can chose to be cynical, pessimistic, doubtful etc etc... OR do it my way. Be hopeful, be happy, dream big, feel and acknowledge every emotion that passes through you and give it its proper due. :)

Be the better person, do the right thing, go after true and earnest emotions and don't question things that come your way. You will get answers in time. You never know what you're pushing away or bringing closer when you're living through times that do not make sense to you. :) Just be happy! Keep the faith and NEVER loose hope! And trust in the lord above to always guide you and keep you on the right path! :)

Okay, that's enough for one night! Shall leave you with a quote I came across.
"Your story may not have a happy beginning, but the rest of your story is who you chose to be!"
Guess where that quote came from! ;)

Reality Bites? Chose the way you look at it!

2011-06-08T07:32:00.002+05:30

Yes... we all have dreams and hopes and wants and wishes. But sometimes is life is hard and has a funny way of throwing strange things our way. We think we want certain things until reality hits one day and we realise that maybe we've been off course. To try and bring things back on the right course, we have to go through hell to set things straight. Truth of the matter is, the right way is always the harder way. The wrong way is the easier way. The way one can just escape to make things momentarily better. But to look in the long run, and know that we're not doing anything wrong and not messing with the bigger picture, we need to set things right NOW. And sure as hell, setting things right IS reality and man does it bite most times. The strength one gets from their hopes and dreams can get sapped in a second from when we are going through the hell of dealing with and sorting out our current reality. But have faith in yourself, your hopes, dreams, desires and the fact that the lord above is watching. When you know you are doing the right things, nothing else matter.

Reality bites, sure as hell, you got that right! But its how we look at it and approach the situation at hand post that. Do we fight it with a smile since we know that we are on the right path? Do we fight it and get irritated and give in half way? Or do we get cynical about life in general just because we can't fathom why we have to go through this? Or we end up behaving like the people involved around us?

There are a gazillion ways to look at this! At the end of the day, the choice is ours and ours alone. I have been fortunate enough to go through some situations in my current past which have taught me a HELL OF A LOT! I've had my weak moments, believe me, at other people's expense that too! But luckily, in a short span of time, I've been smart enough to know that I need to see the larger picture. Everything one goes through is for a reason, and we need to take things head on. I can chose to be a rotten tomato about it and make my life a living emotional hell and the people involved in my life closely currently. Or, I chose to know that my wants, desires, feelings are true and pure. There is nothing that should make me question true and earnest feelings! Know and have faith that things will work out for the better and to what I want in the long run. And go on living happily and being there for the important ones in my life. Yes there will be hard and testing times... Do I chose to be cynical about it and life there after? I can, however I chose my approach.

You sure you've picked the right one? Make sure you don't give yourself too much grief. Specially when you know you're on the right path.

I was recently told, "Life and love are funny. They can take you so high and drop you on your ass as well. But hey, Loving is Living and you gotta Live!"

Enjoy every minute of it... Good, bad and ugly. I know its easier said than done... But give it a shot why dontchya! :)

Instant uplifts...

2011-06-06T11:19:00.003+05:30

Painting, listening to music, writing, baking, driving and talking to some people who get you at a different level are a few things that are instant uplifts for me!

Painting, it has been something in my life that has instantly transported me to another world altogether. I can get so lost in the painting that I have no idea of the time, the place anything. It just keeps me really really happy. Away from the world and in my happy places!

Listening to music is another! Makes me disconnect from the world and be in the world of the songs. There are different ways of being lost in music. Each song has a different chord that it touches. And lately, all the songs make sense too... LOL, you know what they say when that happens right?

Writing is an instant release for me. The second I get writing I feel a whole lot better. It helps me put my thoughts down and makes me see things in a different light from time to time.

Baking is like therapy. Making sure you have the right ingredients, mixing and making the batter in a methodical manner, making sure you've baked long enough yet, not too long for it to burn. And the end result... sigh! Enjoying something heavenly, and even better, watching others enjoy something you've made with your own hands! :)

Driving... Driving aimlessly is just one of those things to do which give you the time and space to be with yourself and your thoughts. It has a calming affect on me. I know that driving around can calm my mind and let me bring my temper down. (which I do most of the time)

Last but not the least, talking to some people who know you and love you for who you are. No judgement, no external thoughts, no nothing! They see you as you are and how their faith in you can make you feel like the world isn't such a bad place after all! Actually reminds you of how good the world really is. Enjoy the simple things! Remind you to make the most of what you have and appreciate it all!

Anyhow, just a few things that have been on my mind so putting them down. Also, playing in my head is the sound of music song, 'My favourite things' :) I had a post which I had written to the same song, so this time, just writing my thoughts and not another version of the song! ;)

Something good from Something complex

2011-06-06T10:52:00.002+05:30

There are times in our lives where we are stuck in a situation which always manages to make us question the good things around us. The purity of intent, the truth in our emotions, our earnest efforts to make something worth while. We may believe at some level, but if we are not strong enough in our minds and hearts, we can be a little lose in our stand at some points.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately on similar lines. I got an email recently which shook me a little the first time I read it. Also because I was in the frame of not being able to see what is good and true as compared to what isn't! Having read that when I was calmer, I realised it didn't have the same affect. I am stronger than that! :) I have looked around in my life, and now I've made a choice, to be happy, to accept and not question the purity of intent (in my actions, words and thoughts) and will stand by and make earnest efforts to know that I'm doing everything I can to make something worth while.

This is what I want... I don't expect others to want the same thing, right? :) I will do my bit and be there through good and bad. Let us see how it turns out. I for one am sure that the truth in emotions, and the honesty in our hearts will always win over anything else. My hope and faith is what I have lived by all my life, and when I look back, there were times when I was so sure of somethings in life where the world was standing up against me... I always got what I wanted. My feelings and wants were true and right. That always wins the way I look back at it!

So, point being, I've at some level begun a new phase in life and have realised that there is no need for me to question it negatively, no need for me to worry about it. I need to be looking at it with all smiles and happiness and that is exactly what I am going to do.

I'm in the mood to leave a random line from a song I love and which has a whole new meaning for me now... :) SO that is how I'll end this one...

"... Waiting on the lines of greens and blues... Just to be the next..."

Our paths and everything on the way

2011-06-02T11:47:00.002+05:30

If we knew how our life was going to pan out, then there really would not be any point in living through right? Its the unexpected things that come our way that teach us so many things about how to live, react, behave etc etc.

We can wish for certain things, we want our lives to be a certain way, we are hopeful of our dreams and try to work towards what we want. But what happens when things don't go as planned? Do you freak out and run away or handle things in the most hap hazard manner ever, or calm yourself, think it through and try and find the best possible solution for the event/events? Try and see how you can make it a positive learning or event instead of a negative one. The choice is up to us. It truly is based on what we really want at some level in our hearts.

You know that quote, "life is what happens when we're busy planning it" or something to that extent. You know what, its true. We can plan all we want, but we have something written for us, and that will happen. We have to be gracious enough and open enough to accept everything that comes our way. Our paths in life are defined to a large extent, and even the people around us are there for many a reason. The people who do not question why, and go about doing and accepting things/life in a certain manner, are far ahead of those who question 'why'. That is an answer we never have.

Anyhow, the point being, one must be be open to what life has to offer. Good, bad or anything. Learn from everything and everyone around you. Take in people's good, leave out the bad. Try to be true to yourself and your feelings! :)

Faith

2011-06-02T01:22:00.005+05:30

Okay, I have to admit... There are some times when you feel like the world is colliding... But... for those who have faith, the world seems likes a better place... and I, today, can say, that my faith is greater than all!

No matter what... I know what I want, I see what I want, and my faith is so strong that I know that I will get what I want. I keep putting myself up for a test every now and again, everyone does that at some point or another. But I am sure of the fact today, that my faith is greater than all. I know that what I want, and I will get, no matter what the world thinks of it. Good, pure and true feelings and thoughts always come through. And if you want something, from the bottom of your heart with all pure intentions, you will get it.

I will be patient, and be calm and not let anything bother me... because today showed me the light. I am stronger than what I think I am, MY wants and desires are pure in intent and will come my way ... one way or another.

My faith is doubled and I am sure, that my thinking will bring me nothing but the best and what I truly want.

Thank you lord for showing me the way. :) You give me the strength and the serenity. I cannot ask for more. Just be there to guide me, through the good times and the rough ones! :)

With all my heart, soul and might!

Feel like you're going crazy? Try the serenity prayer!

2011-05-31T22:40:00.004+05:30

Ever felt like something is driving you mad? I recently had the fortune or misfortune of feeling like I was going mad. I felt like my world had been so shook up and I couldn't figure out head or tail. I was really thinking that everything around me was driving me mad and making me think of things I never would have thought of. Being alone was scary because being alone meant 50,000 thoughts in my head which I didn't want!!!

MAn, its the first and the last time I want to be in THAT space! Dear Lord, give me the wisdom to know how to steer clear of these spaces! Phew!

You know, when you want something bad enough, you're willing to go through anything for it. I guess that is when you end up walking into these spaces in your life which you never knew existed. Something similar happened to me lately. I'm glad it didn't take me that long to snap out of it. I know some people who are much less fortunate and get stuck in a downward spiral and do not have the strength to get out of anything. Even if they are offered help to do so.

Anyhow, back to my going mad feeling. Everything that you go through is some kind of learning. If you look at life like that, it makes it easier to handle, accept and move forward with. I've learnt that I cannot let things get to me. I need to draw clear lines for myself, my wants, my needs and the people who share certain spaces with me. As long as I know what I want, I shouldn't bother about what the world thinks or wants me to think/do about it. I need to know that I can do everything in my hands to make sure I get what I want. If I don't end up getting it, it wasn't mine to begin with. But I know that I never want to look back in life and wonder 'what if' for anything.

'What if I hadn't given up?', 'What if I'd given it more time?' these and many more questions I never want to have to answer to myself ever. Actually, I don't want to be asking myself those, leave alone answering them.

I have to take each day as it comes, live it the way I'd like it to be, and be happy and grateful for all around me. The food I eat, the people I'm with, where I live, the clothes I wear... Everything... Absolutly everything!

And in the times I feel weak, I look for strength within me and in my faith. Have a little prayer that makes me see things in a better way. I'll end my yet another random post with The Serenity Prayer.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change the things that I can. And the wisdom to know the difference."

a few quotes that struck a cord...

2011-05-25T10:29:00.003+05:30

"Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can't imagine."
~Anonymous

"Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
~Anonymous

“Faith makes all things possible.... love makes all things easy.”
~Anonymous

“Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods”
~Anonymous

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”
~Anonymous

"Love to pray. Feel often during the day the need for prayer, and take trouble to pray. Prayer enlarges the heart until it is capable of containing God's gift of Himself. Ask and seek and your heart will grow big enough to receive Him"
~Mother Theresa

"There is a polish for everything. There is a polish that takes away rust; and the polish for the heart is the remembrance of God."
~Prophet Muhammad

"The fruit of silence is prayer.
The fruit of prayer is faith.
The fruit of faith is love.
The fruit of love is service.
The fruit of service is peace."
~Mother Teresa

“Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love."
~Anonymous

“Where there is FAITH, there is LOVE; Where there is LOVE; there is PEACE; Where there is PEACE; there is GOD; Where there is GOD; there is BLISS.”
~Sri Sathya Sai Baba

“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.”
~David Viscott

“Prayer is the key to Heaven, but faith unlocks the door.”
~Anonymous

Smiling a whole different smile...

2011-05-22T23:49:00.003+05:30

There are so many things in life to be grateful for! :) And I for one am really really happy that I have had a few things work for me in one way or the other. I am at peace with myself and most situations in life at the moment! :) And I look around and I am grateful... :)

Grateful for the life I've had...
Grateful for the people I've met along the way...
Grateful for the experiences I've had with so many different people...
Grateful for all my learnings....
Grateful for the love that surrounds me..
Grateful with being blessed with just who I am, as it allows me to spread the love and joy the way I'd like to...
Grateful for the family I have...
Grateful for the decisions I've taken...
Grateful for the risks I've taken...
Grateful for having the courage to stand up for what I feel right and let go of what I feel wrong...

This list is not even the tip of the iceberg (this one is a superficial one even if you look at the details I could go through at this point. Wishing for world peace at a beauty pageant just doesn't cut it! :p)
There is so much more I can go on about... Life, our understanding of it, the knowledge and openness of looking at things from a wider angle... so so much more...

But in short... Right here, right now... I am smiling... Because I love the way I feel... and am grateful for being able to feel it! :)

Need I say anything more?

... missings...

2011-05-22T22:51:00.003+05:30

What is it that you feel when you miss someone?

At different times, and for different people there are different emotions... :) Happy missings, with all happy thoughts bringing smiles to your face! Sad missings, thinking of the people you've lost in life... All sorts of missings with everyone and all the memories you've shared with them!

Memories... What a great thing, most of the time. :) The thought of an incident, an evening, a line said, a smell of a perfume, a song that was once danced to... can bring back so many emotions... can change so much of your current world! :)

Most of the times, I feel happy when I miss someone... I know they are important enough in my life to miss! :) And most of the people who I'm close to, will always have a few things if not more that will ALWAYS remind me of them. A song mutually liked, a number danced to, a place enjoyed at, food cravings that were shared, chats that made our worlds change or realise similarities and differences... SO SO MUCH and MORE!

Its a great feeling to be able to feel. You know someone is that important to you... and to hear it back is even better... To know that you're important to someone else too... It really can change your world around... A tiny example to share... something that makes me melt. I have my aunt's two kids who I am very close to and love very dearly. I see them often even though we don't live in the same city. But seeing them everytime, getting those real loving hugs and kisses and hearing how I was missed and making sure they know how much they were missed too... Changes our worlds for us. Everything else doesn't matter... It doesn't exist. A night over with a good night hug and kiss and an 'I love you' and a good morning wish very alike. With hugs and kisses and cuddles... What more does one want in life! :) These are the small things that make us who we are... are the important things in any relation! :) Makes you realise the other person's worth! :) And makes you realise how much you miss them when they are away! :)

Distance always helps puts things in perspective... one way, or another! :)

I miss you!

Old scribbles! :)

2011-05-22T14:20:00.002+05:30

I was going over a few websites and came across a site that was created by a few friends, to blog about thoughts of different people in different parts of the world. We had thought we'd chose a few topics and all blog about them. See the different thoughts on the same topic that would come up. The different styles of writing and all! :) We all wrote under an alias which was super cool I thought! :) And when I was reading the old posts, it brought back such a smile to my face...

Good times, when worries were less, emotions were carefree and life was just plain simple! :)
*Sigh*

Its okay to ache...

2011-05-22T12:54:00.002+05:30

There are certain times in one's life... (a few times actually) when one has to put up a brave face... As long as you don't know what is happening, you're okay and its easier for one to handle it. But then there are certain things you do not wish to know about... You chose to ignore them to be able to be at peace mentally and emotionally... The problem happens when you end up hearing about it from all corners of the earth! Its a true test of strength and courage to see how you pass the test...

The gamut of emotions that one goes through is insane. But as long as your head is screwed on tight, you come back and stop at all positive thoughts. You may pass negative thoughts, you may feel pain, ache, anger or anything, but the important thing is that you come out in the positive with flying colours... You can chose to hear things you don't want to and concentrate on them, or just let them pass out the same way they came in...

So ya, in short... its okay to ache, just as long as you don't lose the faith...

Spring Cleaning...

2011-05-20T18:54:00.004+05:30

Ever stood in front of your cupboard to see clothes overflowing... ??? Things you wear are okay, that's the normal stuff, things you don't wear, which are just occupying space and irritating you at every glance you take...!!! Till one fine day, when you turn around and say enough is enough... ! Time to spring clean...

You take everything out one by one, look at what you love and put it aside. You know that's not going anywhere... :) Whether its been bought recently or something that is 14 years old but still in mint condition (or not)! Then there are things which you kinda wear, they kinda fit you but since its convenient you keep em around. Or they just fit you like a glove and the thought of not having them around cannot even cross your mind... ! :)

Then you go through the others with the thought in your mind saying, "yea, I can keep em around, not that I use them very much, but just in case". It doesn't look too bad, and doesn't look too good either... Okay okay types... Backups, but they are still YOURS! Then you realise that there are somethings which you liked, but didn't realise how bad they made you look! You were blinded by your own self. Your loved ones had told you at some point or the other to reconsider keeping it, or not to buy it even, but you were just so sure of yourself that you had to have it. Oh well, we all make mistakes... Only when the times comes is when we need to look at it and say... "ya, you, BAD CHOICE!" and bung it in the dustbin.

This process for different people can take either half an hour in a day, or a whole day itself... Depends on the kind of person you are. Thinking about something a few times? Or just making a quick decision or just not wanting to think about it at all, and in turn you end up pushing away the task for a later time. Sometimes pushing it away for a lot later, which turns out to be a tougghie, because it is THAT much harder to sort things out.

This analogy might not be perfect... But recent events in my life have lead me to do that same exercise with some people in my life. I for one, don't think this is the right comparison, but its the first one that came to my life... Spring cleaning can be for your drawers, cupboards, house, car and more so even your own life. We need to take the time of day once in a while to look at ourselves, look at the life we're living, what is helping us in being better people, what is not helping us in being better human beings, who around us is a positive influence and who around us is draining the life out of us for no reason. Who makes you want to be happy, be better, bring out the best in one self and who is giving us grief directly or indirectly, or making us react in ways that are not natural to us, or even just bringing about negative energies.

We are all old enough to know what is best for us, and there are certain things we must go through to be able to learn in life. Our life is a constant learning, there will be things throughout our lives that will constantly teach us and our hunger to learn should never die out. The day you think you know it all, and you've seen it all... trust me, that's the day you're done for. Dooms day to you! :)

So... Just wanted to get this off my mind. Spring cleaning time it is... for me. :) Here's to a cleaner, more peaceful, happier, brighter, calmer and pure life aheaD! :)

... midnight banter...

2011-05-19T23:28:00.003+05:30

Try me, test me...
Bring out the best in me...

See me, be me...
Just don't think you know me...

One must not try and push someone away to an extent that it makes it harder for the other person to be able to deal with a situation... be humble, try and do the best for everyone... If there are testing times, be as patient and as nice as you can to the ones around you, to be able to stand through the test that has presented itself. Being cynical towards it and pessimistic towards it only helps you not see those trying times through and end up doing something stupid... Being patient and nice in those times, seeing them through correctly, positively and happily, not only increases your karmic score card, but ensure nothing but the best coming your way... Be humble... that's another very important thing.

The problem is, in today's day and age, there are not many people strong enough to believe in life, hope and faith. Tainted by experiences and negative influences, they have to look at the world from that side, because god forbid they try looking at it from rose tinted glasses for too long! It scares the living day lights out of them. Everyone is quick to put the blame on others, but forget to look at themselves... One needs to address their own needs and wants and beliefs before they think about talking to or helping others with theirs...

I truly do feel blessed to have some sort of foresight... I do see things and life in a different light and like to keep it that way. There is nothing that can break and shake my faith... Its time some people start seeing that... I'm at a point in life, where different people will be seeing different parts of me... Welcome to my world... DARE you to try and shake or break it... :) My faith, hope, love, strength and patience will see me through it all... :)

Wind Beneath My Wings

2011-05-18T15:53:00.002+05:30

This is a song by Bette Midler... The lyrics go something like this...

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

This song was sung by a student in our school at the very first graduation ceremony. I still remember how most of the teachers, if not all were in tears. The fact was, that these teachers had seen all of us grow. From primary school till the time we passed out, we had the same set of teachers... We spent 8 hours a day with them and that was more than the time we spent awake in our homes with our own families.

If you look at it, at some point in our lives or the other, we can definitely dedicate this song to people who are important in our lives. Who help bring out the best in us. Our parents, a sibling, a friend, a loved one, a husband, a boyfriend, a wife, a girlfriend and the list can go on.

The important part is that we recognize these people in our lives and give them the due credit they deserve. They need to be told how important they are in our lives. How they have affected our thinking, how they have made us see the world and our lives differently, how they've pushed us to be better humans and be ourselves, and improve ourselves!

To all the people who matter to me... to the ones I love with all my might, at some point or the other you can come into my life at the right time to teach me something or the other... Some have stayed, some are around... Some have been taken away and some have become distant... Just know that I do love and cherish you all and thank you for being a part of my life... My Journey.

This post is more so important for the recent developments in my life... That have made me think differently about life. Think out of the box. Made me realize and want certain things in life... And made me realize that if some things feel right, they are worth the wait... and everything we want, does come our way when it is meant to! :)

God forbid we don't get it, or something comes in the way... Be patient and have faith to know that if god shuts one door, he'll surely open another one. You just need to be ready and willing to walk through it... But I'm sure, my hope, faith and prayers are strong enough for me and my loved ones! :)

On a totally unrelated note... Another line from another song... "Just call my name... and I'll be there... :)" ... This shall be a post for another day... If that day comes... :)

Living life in a just a little bit... :)

2011-05-16T12:47:00.001+05:30

Sometimes, we feel the need to know what tomorrow has in store for us. Only because there is a head vs. heart battle. The logical feeling post that is wanting to know how things will pan out before time and questioning things around. 'Why' is the biggest question... If we had the answer to it, life would be a bit boring if you ask me... We are meant to live life, and enjoy every moment of it. No matter how it pans out.

Enjoy and cherish the good times, and the bad times. Know that we are meant to go through whatever we are going through for a reason.

Have you ever realised how in just a little time, you can feel like you've lived your life. The feeling of having seen it and done it all... :) The feeling of not fearing death even if it comes your way tomorrow. There are some moments in life that bring you this feeling. I used to say that I never have any regrets, and if I go tomorrow I have no complaints... That hasn't changed. Its just that I felt that there would be a lot more for me to live and experience... but if I were to go, it wasn't in my destiny... Now, I feel a little differently, I dream, and I feel like I want to go through that and live my dreams. If its my destiny to live the life I dream for myself then there is nothing that can stop me from doing that. The universe conspires to ensure you get what you want (i don't think it thinks too much about what's right or wrong... that gets left to us, i'm guessing).

Anyway... again another pointless and directionless piece I guess... Just wanted to speak out for feeling blessed, lucky, loved, respected and overjoyed... :) It'll be hard if dreams don't come true... But MY faith and hope make me believe they will. :)

One day... :)

Ever get the 'AARRRGGGGHHHH' feeling?

2011-05-06T01:04:00.002+05:30

So, there we go, living our lives, doing our thing, and suddenly, one day it decides to rain confusion! FROM ALL ANGLES!!! What do you do? Try and figure things out, sort it out with a calm mind, strategize and try to sort it out... run outta options yet??? Once you run out of options is when the 'AARRGGGHHHH' feeling sets in...

So close yet so far kinda way...

You have something around all time... and all of a sudden you realise that you're so so used to it... the minute you realise that you are used to it, it starts to be seen in a different light. The minute you start to see it in a different light, it starts to seem even better, the minute that happens, one starts to get used to it... The trouble is, all this is good... till the time reality bites and you realised that this may be what you want, just not what you can have... It may or may not be good for you... but all you know is that you want it...

Its like showing a child a candy and saying, 'you can't have it'!

Heart vs Head... the battle begins... all in all, normally the heart wins... But there are certain cases where the head just doesn't give up... Its a never ending battle... that only happens cause in most cases the head is right and doesn't give up the fight... When the head wins... that sinking feeling sets in... and then you get the 'AARRRGGGHHH' feeling REALLYYY bad... Its the time when nothing, just nothing can make you feel better... Its the time when all you wanna do is scream out in frustration cause nothing makes sense...

I know this post has no head and no tail... I just needed to pen it down... Do the right thing, live your life well, be good, wish others well and nothing less... let the 'AARRGGGHHH' phases come and go... Because you're one of the lucky few who can feel it...

Last but not the least....
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandparents, the newest most dangerous video game in town!

2011-04-21T21:17:00.004+05:30

In the first quarter of this year, I have been fortunate or whatever enough to have 2 drives from point A to point B with two of my grandfathers. In February this year, I had gone to Chandigarh for a friends wedding and was all set to catch a taxi and head to my family house in sector 16. I was called and told that I need to wait at the station and that I would be getting picked up by my grandfather.

Not thinking twice about anything, since I know my dada (grandfather) drives around everywhere, I met him outside, we headed to the car, loaded it and off we were. As we drove out of the parking, I realised that my heart was making its way to my throat way too often for the 2 minutes from the parking to the main road. He has been driving on the road of Chandigarh for definitely over some 60 years so at some level, I reckon, he's driving on auto pilot! Like his mind can be tantric travelling in Timbuktu for all we know! Imagine this, my grandad, parked high up on the seat, peering over the steering wheel, both hands at 11 'o' clock and 1 'o'clock, cutting through traffic as though he is in a race, and driving between 60 - 80 without using a break. Every time we turn somewhere I can imagine him in my head going, 'wheeeeeee', 'weehheeeeee'! Missing scooter guys, rickshaw guys and cutting anything possible... Just about waiting at red lights and not looking while turning or shifting lanes or anything... That 15 minute car ride back seemed to be one of the longest drives back for me! :)

And then there is the other extreme... My mother and I recently visited family in Mumbai. We had an afternoon flight on a week day so we had my mother's aunt (nani) and uncle (nana) pick us up. Another set of grandparents. Nani was waiting for us outside while nana had gone to go and get the car. Now we called him and told him to stay in the parking and that we would come to him. In a little while we realised that nana had forgotten where he parked the car! So I left my mom and nani on the road while I went to search for my nana... He is about 6'2" so that kind of helps me spot him in the huge parking. Then I take the parking ticket and off we go looking for the car. I found the car alright, now we had to drive out to where mom and nani were. From the exit till where they were standing was less that 2 minutes in the car and I KNEW that this was going to be an interesting car ride back.

The first extreme was my dada, driving like a carefree child on a video game :) My nana on the other hand was driving like a fresh new driver who was so nervous that changing gears was a problem. :) The jerks and the car stalling was so funny, because it happened ever so often. My mother and I looked at each other and shared a chuckle. She knew my views on grandparents driving and knew exactly what I was thinking. My nana is growing old and has trouble remembering things, bless him, so it was an automatic reaction to want to drive to his own house... which is the opposite direction of his son's house, which is where we were going! :) Finally on course after realising, we end up going back towards Colaba, which took us 2.5 hours since there was a cricket match on. bumper to bumper traffic and a very jerky and stalling kinda car ride back... We arrived and were happy to be out of a moving vehicle! :)

Anyway, not to be mean or anything, I love them all, its just that I couldn't help but look at the funny side of it... the header I've given this post always reminds me of these drives and I ALWAYS chuckle! :) What cute grandparents I have... :) They need to let us start taking care of them! :)

... Bring it on?... yaahhh, BRING IT ON!!!

2011-04-21T21:06:00.003+05:30

So... here's the thing... finally, one feels like life is settling in. You stop, take a step back, look around and find yourself smiling! Things are looking good, you are happy, you are clear on what you want from yourself and what you want from life...

Certain phases in life start changing and everything is a new experience all over again. Sometimes you know how to handle things, from the experience we call 'life', and sometimes because of the newness of the situations, you're a little lost. So, you think of right and wrong, use your head and heart... ask the ones you trust for their views and go right ahead with what you think is right.

One might feel scared a little to start with, but you need to scream out loud and say, "BRING IT ON!" See each day as it comes... enjoy each day as it comes and cherish each though and feeling that you feel!

I'm living it as I write and am in the 'BRING IT ON' mode already! :)

Going with the flow...

2011-04-18T22:09:00.002+05:30

We've all heard the whole story on going with the flow... Sometimes we want to just jump the gun and get a heads up or a clue at an earlier stage...
The sooner we get/understand that its not needed... the better for us.

People need to slow down from their busy lives and see the world around and live a little... The people around them, the lives they are living, the stress levels going hay-wire! As long as you know your bigger picture, and are kind of working towards it, then have faith and know that everything else will fall into place...

Hope and faith is what keeps us going... the minute we put a negative spin on our thinking, live becomes just that much harder. The minute we stop questioning why, life becomes that much simpler. Its the hardest thing to do, but look at it this way... When good things happen to us, and we live through good times... we dont question why its happening... so why do the same when you're going through tough times? :)

Anyhow... point being, one needs to go with the flow and not against it... the rest will follow.

Felt this today after sharing a little of what's on my mind with someone so wanted to share... Dont over think things and life... Enjoy it! :) Go with the flow!

The way I see, the world around me! :)

2011-04-01T15:32:00.006+05:30

There once was a girl,
Who lived in her own world,
Where people were happy and true,
And nothing was done or said to make anyone blue.

Good times or bad,
Everyone was together,
STonger and bolder than ever,
To take on whatever came their way.

The happiness was true,
Spreading and sticking to all, like glue,
She brought about the change she wanted to see,
And was just plain happy, the way to be.

Knowing that there is nothing but the best,
Instore for her and the rest,
She goes on about living in her bubble,
Making sure there is a lot of good trouble. :)

The ones she loves, know through and through,
There is nothing, for them that she will not do,
The ones she is learning of new, what is in store for them,
They have not a clue.
The ones who have been out of touch,
Need not worry so much, her love is there forever more...
So kinda like glue, she is stuck to you.

Inner Smile

2011-04-01T13:16:00.002+05:30

It is a different feeling altogether when you are at peace with yourself... Your surroundings... Your thoughts...
At the end of the day, when you know that you're walking down the right path and making the right choices, at that moment in life, there is nothing that can stop you from feeling good and smiling.

Ever noticed anyone walking by you with a smile on their face? Not as much as we'd like right? I remember times when I'm walking, lost in my thoughts with a big smile on my face. Slowly you realise that people are looking at you, smiling back and probably thinking, 'what a nut'! :) But the thing is... a smile in infectious. Wouldn't the world be a better place if we had more smiling faces?

In times like now, the world is soo engrossed in making money to get by, living by a certain standard of life, living up to social obligations, trying to make ends meet etc etc, I seem to think that everyone is slowly forgetting the smaller things in life. Spending time with people that matter, doing small things to make your loved ones smile, helping a total stranger maybe to get their good wishes, giving out warm hugs to those you love, and making sure your loved ones KNOW that you love them... Not by things you do... but by telling them or showering them with hugs and kisses... These are a few of the things we as families, friends are forgetting... The world is a happier place with just a tight hug... Why do we tend to forget that?

I was one who always made sure to say 'I love you' or express how I've missed someone and constantly shower them with hugs cause that was me... Some where in the recent past I got caught up in the rat race exactly the way most of us are... I'm back to being at peace and have had a lot of time to think of how I went off course in certain parts of my life and now how I have to bring myself back to being the same old bubbly me! :)

Let us not forget that its the smallest of things, like a hug, or a kinda word at the right time, that can change the world for some people... :)

So this post is from me to all of you... My humble attempt to spread my infectious smile ;) My inner smiling self too!!! I am going to make sure to hug everyone, tell them how I missed them (if I missed them :)) and make sure they know that I love them! Back to simpler less complex ways of life... :)

From me to you... With all my heart!

For the first time...

2011-03-24T15:31:00.002+05:30

For the first time...

... I saw and was intrigued
... I didn't want to know, just felt nice
... I felt like it was meant to be
... I thought there was a random connect
... I enjoyed the little childish flirting
... in a long time... I enjoyed the company

Then...

... over time I got comfortable
... started to see things fit
... really liked what I saw
... realized that I was done for
... felt like a complete fool
... enjoyed the feeling

Now...

... I don't know what tomorrow has in store
... I only live in the moment and hope for the best
... I wish things would go how I see them
... I kind of live by hope and faith and hope it sees me through.

Just like riding a bike... :)

2011-03-24T15:18:00.003+05:30

Drawing and painting is something that once you learn it... You can't seem to forget...
Its like riding a bike. You think you might have forgotten, but once you get down to it... it all just comes rushing back to you.
I keep scribbling and painting off and on, but when I look back at some of the work I've done over the years, I really wonder how I did it and if I'd be able to do it over again... Rest assured when you start you know you can do it and so much more... As long as you're not afraid of it, or messing it up, you can manage to create wonders...

Once you're halfway there and you know things are coming out the way you want them to, there is a smile on your face and half the battle is already won! :)
When you finish it, you need to feel like you've finished it... and you know when its done. It gives you a happiness that only you know of. Over and above that if you have people admiring your work, its like the icing on the cake. There is no better feeling than knowing your work is being appreciated for your vision on paper. Writing and painting/sketching needs to reach out in a certain manner. If that happens, you've been successful.

This is random, but since I'm managing to make time for doing this again, and its bringing me joy, I'd like to share! :)

Forced Isolation...

2011-03-22T21:34:00.002+05:30

Its a funny thing, most people think I'm the kind of person who always has people around me... Which in most cases I do, but when I manage times away and alone, for work or myself... It is so hard for people to understand why or how.

I truly believe that one needs time with themselves to see their lives from a different point of view, see where they stand, what changes they'd like to make... etc etc

My times away have always given me the time and space to disconnect, with most of the world really... Introspection, thoughts on myself, my life, my surroundings... Meditation... Liberation...

Feeling and emoting the difference! :) love and joy to all!

Blessed yet broken...

2011-02-08T14:27:00.002+05:30

Blessed... Yet broken...
What is this feeling inside?
I have it all around me, yet the one thing I want the most, is lost...
The more I look around, the more I see it, the more I know I don't have it.
I don't deny, that it's there... But one needs to feel it from time to time if not always...
I know life has been hard, harder than expected, but the least we can do is spread the love...
That doesn't take much does it...

One hug is all I need to face the world...
A few soft words is all I need to keep me strong...
Cuddles and a loving wake up call can make me prove the world wrong...

You are my biggest strength and my biggest weakness...
I don't have it in me to be okay around you...
Distance does us wonders, no matter how bad that sounds.
I don't doubt your love or your efforts, it just works differently for others...
I'm loosing my mind, just because you and I are breaking....
How long do I continue faking?
All its doing is making us drift apart....
And I don't have it in my heart... To be selfish and hurt you for my happiness...
So, I'd much rather stay this way...
Cry my tears away, in my solitude...
And hope and pray for a new start for the both of us...

Here's wishing you the peace and quiet you so desperately need...
And here's wishing me my life, which I so desperately miss...

Bless yet broken is the feeling inside...
Contradictory in nature is that line... But contradiction is becoming the story of my life...

A little bit about me! :0)

2010-03-03T09:13:00.003+05:30

However silly this one may sound, its something that has been going on in my head for a while now and just had to come out! So here goes :)

It's that time of year when we feel a little bit older and wiser! I don't know how I'm feeling right now in life but, I know that I'm feeling something. Older and wiser, always ;) there is a reason that I'm called the granny of the group! But now I just think its time for me to do things for ME! At first its sounds selfish, but then I look in, and around and see that without me being a little selfish, I'm loosing myself. Need I do things in a certain manner since that's how the world thinks it should be done? I've always done what I felt right so what is different this time? Why am I not being able to cut the chord? I know why... It is because I've been in a different place, following the trend for way too long! I'm not scared of what life holds! I aspire for bigger and better things in life, all aspects of my life! I was a happy free bird because of my bohimean ways and I need to get back to it! That's what made me happy and in turn helped me make others happy and kept everyone happy! :)

It is the first quarter century for me this year! And I don't want to look back and regret a thing! So here's to a fresh start! Here's to me staring my next quarter century on a different note! Here's to a clean slate, soon enough :) this new quarter starts with a few heartaches and goodbyes, but I hope to have many new beginnings in the years to come!
Lord, let me be my happy chirpy self and be able to spread the joy! :)

A few lines that came to my mind, which I wanted to share! :)

Here I am, all of 25,
All these years,
that have been full of life,
Different worlds, different planes,
With me daring to be different, and living life like its a game... :)
I realised that life has so much to it,
The love, joy, happiness and pain,
Without which we have nothing to gain!
We take the best and leave the rest,
That's what will make us the few amongst the best...
It's upto us,
To keep it moving,
To keep ourselves and everyone else going!
How we do it, and know that we will live through it,
Then there is nothing to fear, since we will all be here,
Together, there for each other, through the good times and the bad!
All of 25,
And looking for new beginnins,
Here's to you and me and the bright blue sea, as that's exactly where I want to be ;)

PS: love u all and thank u for baring this note! Just wanted to say that I'm very grateful to have u in my life! My 25 years would have never been the same without you!

To the new year...

2010-01-10T22:48:00.002+05:30

So the thing is... that I feel like its time to set out on a new path... The path I'm on at the moment is just too easy... Life is not about it being easy... Its hectic, but easy. There is a difference...

For me, I hope for a year full of happiness, smiles and most of all, love... A recent vsisit from my cousins made me realise how much I love to love and love being loved :) Emotional child that I am... So my wish to all will be for health wealth and all...but most of all it goes out for LOVE! :)

Here's to a year full of love and freedom! :) xox

Just a thought!

2009-08-18T11:54:00.004+05:30

Just wanted to pen down a random thought...

HOW MUCH DO I THINK! :) lol!

I just realised that I think so much, and when it comes to me penning down my thoughts... I can go on and on and on... Its never a short thought... LOL

I wrote to someone over the weekend, needed to get something off my chest... and its only today that I realised that I sent a LONG ASS email... then I thought back to all the times I wrote to someone and had something to say... and realised I always have lots to say :) (say, write, sing, scream... lol you name it! this is why I think the picture I have used is so right for this :))

God bless all of my mates and family and others for having the patience to deal with me and all that I have to say and listening and understanding more than anything :)

And to anyone else who bares and read all that I have to write :)

Kudos!

Appreciation...

2009-07-23T11:16:00.003+05:30

It is such a good thing... Makes you feel like you are something and are capable of something...

There are always 2 ways of making a point... The positive way and the blah way...

Its just the way the you are that makes such a difference...

The can-do attitude helps no matter how old and boring and painful that may sound.

Yes be pessimistic to a certain level or always balance things out... But just be nice! :)

Appreciation and encouragement I believe play a big part in making us who we are and making us better people!

From a simple loving wake up call instead of a scream or shout out of bed!

To being told you were missed one day... Knowing that you're being thought of... You're on someones mind...

To have someone concerned for you and you for someone else...

Forms such a support system for one without even knowing it...!!!

Another thing... perfectly enough a really nice song has just come on...

Yeh Tumhari Meri Baatein from the movie Rock On!

Thinking of this song on a bigger scale... Apart from the relationship angle... :)

Just so happy! That's how we should be :)

Bas, now that all from me for now! :) xox

Careless, Carefree Catch up sessions!

2009-07-22T12:03:00.002+05:30

Careless carefree catch up sessions...

They are just the thing that is needed from time to time! :)

Endless hours of gabbing to glory...

Most making some sense, some not...

Laughing uncontrollably at the silliest of things...

Laughing at your own self and your shortcomings...

Laughing at life and its ways, good or bad...

Forgetting the world and living in the moment...

In the hope of reliving this as a memory in the future...

Realising who is yours...

Realising a lot about you...

Learning new things...

Learning new things about your own wants...

Putting a finger on what it is you've been thinking of or trying to figure out about yourself lately...

Oh what joy... little joys of life that make us 'us'...

Make us remember what we're forgetting...

Trying to make something of our lives...

But forgetting what makes us 'us' in the bargain!

I recommend it to all... Time to yourself...

Time with yourself...

Time with people you connect with...

Time with people you love! Its just what is needed to put things back in perspective...

Staring out the window...

2009-07-21T12:42:00.003+05:30

So here I am... at work, trying to get things done, taking it a little slower than normal... Staring out the window on my left... Totally BLANK! I look at the grey sky... and the buildings around... and I can't seem to think of a thing...

I feel totally numb... Don't really know why... but I feel the need to just be curled up in my blanket with a book or crying to make myself get over with emotions and just get back to normal...

I look back at times and see myself in happier times... and wonder what was so different then...

Is this what life is about now? Is this what being a grown up means? Is this what we work for? To go to bed at night and wonder where the thrill in my day was? This is not me... This is not what I want...

How do I get that back is the question... That's a journey that I'm taking and will get to the destination only when I'm destined to...

That's why I wonder why we don't have a heads up to life sometimes... :) I just need something to look forward to ... Something I know will make my day better no matter what...

Just as we think we're getting into a comfortable zone... Poof, the cloud of smoke comes up and you realise that its not true. If only it were THAT easy :)

ANyhow, its time for me to snap back into reality... a new reality to me... Not my reality... Not where I really want to be... back to being carefree... BEing myself, being there for others the way I was... The same me who was in touch with everyone and crazy enough to not care about anything when I wanted to talk to someone, see them or just surprise them :)

Well as anyone else would, I wait and see where, when and how I get there... :)

This is me, off for now!

Is it me??

2009-07-20T10:09:00.002+05:30

The feeling is the same... Every time around...

When you start feeling like you're there...

It is the world that moves... the shaking ground...

If only sometimes you knew why things happened...

If only sometimes we could do things so...

So that a new phase of life gets started and you know...

Or at least think you know where to go!

Why does it take so long...

Why does the world seem so wrong...

All one really wants is to be happy and be able to share the same with someone...

I have it all here by the looks of things...

Nothing to be afraid of...

Nothing to want more...

It all seems just right...

And yet it doesn't feel so....

How do I know when I'm happy? How do I know when I think its okay...

Is life just a big fat lie, so is it a mountain of hay?

I try so hard to say its okay...

I try so hard to feel that way...

What is it that makes me wonder so much...

What is it that keeps me here...

Why was it that I came back...

Why was it that I lost track...

Some answers I will never get...

But a life that I need to set...

Lord give me the strenghth to be myself...

Give my the will to find my own...

Help me make me and make my happy...

That's all I ask for in a small sort of way...

With all the love around me...

With all the love that surrounds me...

With all the love that I have to give...

Happiness is a small ball of string that I need to play with...

Habby Habby Habby!

2009-04-10T05:10:00.004+05:30

Its all about you...
Come to think of it... Everything one does is to be able be happy and do something to stay happy :) Its all in our minds... We choose to be happy or to be sad... Emotions have a way of getting out... at times we want or not... Either way we need to be able to keep ourselves happy at most of the times... It is like what the doctor I met on flight said, we choose to be upset or sad. Being sad or depressed is a waste of soo much energy and no one should bother about it!!
On that note... my happy self is off for a holiday with the boys to TAsmania!!! :)
Its been a while since I've been upto something like this!! Hurraaahhh!!!

A new phase...

2009-04-06T21:50:00.002+05:30

I look back and it bleeds...
I think of anything, and it bleeds...
It's a new phase in life I guess... It needs to bleed...
Bleed out the bad and bring in the good...
Whoever said this would be easy?
Whoever told you this is what it was meant to be...
It's things in life that teach us what and how and when and where and the most important one, WHY...
We need the answer to these...
Or else we bleed...
Sitting here at night, away from any sleep...
All I can feel is that bleed...
I need to be able to keep my focus right...
But the lack of blood makes me dizzy... and all I feel is the bleed...

I don't mean to sound grey... But I know it comes through...
I need strength to see this through...
As many of you knew...
It wasn't I who was the fool it was he...
It is not my loss but it is yours...
Just hope its not too late before you see it...
Once I leave I'm gone... It's time for me to take life head on...
Its time for me to see a new phase...
If not with you then with someone who'll go through the maze...
The maze of life with me as you see...
Standing there by my side through it all...

To new starts!

2009-03-14T17:33:00.006+05:30

Just crossing that time of the year again where you feel just a little bit more responsible and older :) Its the time that makes you look back at no matter how many years we've lived. Think through the good times and the bad :) think of all the people who've been by you through thick and thin and the people you've been around as well... It is a wonderful feeling. Growing up and living life and knowing it !!!

The one thing that I think we start seeing at different stages in our life, is how we are changing and how that is affecting the situation and the people around us. How the new phases in life make us change and start thinking in a new direction... we see things under a different light all of a sudden. We change, our wants changes, our needs change, our circumstances change... and this keeps happening throughout our lives. First its all about us, then its about our jobs and careers, then its about us setelling down, then its about having children, then its about the children and this journey goes on and on... Anyway, to cut a long story short. I'm loving the way life is turning out. A sudden realization of my shift in phase is on. Its a whole new phase of life and a whole new chapter. I love all the people in my life so far... Good and bad... I thank them for what they've given to me or taught me and here's to soo many more coming along :)

A special mention in my heart and prayers goes to a few people in my life (old and new) who showed me change and taught me so much. Things to do in life, things to avoid and just how to never forget to be me :) !!!!! Gaurav, Piyal, Vishaal, Himanshu, Shrey, Githanjali, Boogie, and Abhinav. There are so many things I've taken and learnt and understood all because of my interaction with these people! :) I'm grateful to have them all in my life!

Too much for one day, its time to go to work :) Here's to the people who made a difference and here's to the next new chapter in my life.

My favorite things song! MY WAY :D

2009-01-28T23:27:00.005+05:30

Bright early mornings and breakfast with friends...
Short gossip sessions and long laughing trends...
Good times spent, laughing and singing and things...
These are a few of my favourite things!!!! :D

Big picture collages and broad black frames...
My doggy ruffles and no aches and pains...
Eating rasgullas and catching up with friends...
Are the things that keep me sane and in sense! :D

As you can see I'm in a mood to be silly...
After a long day at work, now I'm in bed...
This is the time I take it all outta my brain...
The thoughts to be able to sleep better again!!!! :D

PS: Please sing this in tune to "my favourite things" from the movie the sound of music... hehe this is my in my sily element! :)

It's been a while!

2009-01-25T19:42:00.004+05:30

Welcome to 2009! :)
I've been rather quiet lately and I think this is one of the things I need to get back to... slowly but surely... I know its going to be harder than before, but I'm sure I'll manage it somehow...

2009 has been just perfect so far (small things that bother one always stay there... reality check) but other than that I've been having a great time. I've managed to keep myself busy through work and friends... Keeps my mind away from being idle and thinking about things that I don't need to be thinking about. The other thing I have noticed is that people can't seem to see you happy. There must be something going on for one person to be happy! Why so?? :) ANyhow... It's okay, as long as I don't let things bother me, to each his own!

With all the joy and happiness around I'm doing well for 2009 I think. Time flies, January has already come to an end... Some things are just rushing :) Some things seem to be taking their time! :) There are times that bring you at crossroads (mostly for me, its the case when it comes to men! and my decisions about them!lol...), there are times you're careless but most of all I've realised that's its important to be happy at all times. No matter what, no matter when! Let the world go to hell... Till the time you're happy, everything around you is okay. (even if it isn't the way you want it to be!) Let me take the example of men! (my fav topic lately.. hahahaha) When you're bloody open and honest and interested, no one seems to have the balls enough to do anything about it (excuse the balls!). For men its all about it being a game. I used to let all these things/games bother me till I realised it all doens't matter! Be happy about life, be my happy normal self and NEVER let anything bog me down. I deserve better than being upset about others for heaven's ! The issue is the minute someone starts doing that the others seem to find a hole in their lives.. hahahaha LOL! All of a sudden they wake up! God help me...

Anyway, cutting a long story short... This is the year to be happy for me. I'm not going to let anything bog me down. Whether its people, the things they say, do or whatever. Going with the flow is the best thing to do, no expectations and being open to everything new! :)

Here's to a great 2-0-0-9!! Love and good wishes to all! :)

Blue Lou

2008-09-21T01:54:00.004+05:30

BlUe LoU ... It's You...

You came into my life how and when I didn't know. You stayed and made me feel so good. Life was comfortable, stable, secure and peaceful and you brought this to me by just being there and being you. Your smile what just what I needed, your hand on my shoulder made me feel I could do what I wanted and know you're there right behind me. Your hug made me sure that the world was a great place and I knew I was happy and safe.
You left and the world shook from under my feet. You took with you the light and joy and comfort and security and peace. It was time to wake up and smell the coffee and you brought the coffee to me!

BlUe LoU... The REAL you..

You still love me like I love you,
You're still the one I sleep hugging,
You make me feel like its all how it should be,
You're still the same as you were the first day I met you,
You're still the only one who has the pleasure of being in my company every night! ;)

I miss you BLue LoU....

If I...

2008-08-29T20:16:00.002+05:30

If my eyes don't open tomorrow...
... Will you stop fighting?
... Will be calm?
... Will you stop bothering about the insignificant things???

If my eyes don't open tomorrow...
... Will you miss me?
... Will you wonder, "what if?"
... Will you wish you'd make it different?

If my eyes don't open tomorrow...
... Will you care more than just that moment?
... Will you think it was real?
... Will you wish our dreams came true?

If my eyes don't open tomorrow...
... Will you remember you read this?
... Will it make your hair stand?
... Will you think, "Shit, did she know this was coming?"
... Will you wish you told me you loved me?
... Will you wish I would have never gone?
... Will you wish you didn't miss me so?

Why wait till my eyes don't open...
Don't call me crazy for being expressive...
I just like to make sure the world knows...!
Life is too short for worries and carrying baggage.
Its too short for letting go...
Think... of what all is around you...
See where you want to be...
Do what you want to do... and pray to god to give you all the strength to endure all you have to in life..!

... More

2008-07-08T21:38:00.002+05:30

I look back at times...
I look at time today....
All I can say,
is that I want more.

My friends,
The ones I love,
The ones I miss...
And now I miss more.

I see you,
Think of you,
Love you,
Miss you even more.

We're all in each others lives for a reason,
We need not know why,
I'm ignorant to that question,
As, you in my life I want more...

I'm on one of those moods as you can see today. You are all people who come to mind when I wrote this on my blog today, so I thought I must tag you so you know... :)
You're being thought of by someone far away!! :) Specials smiles and moments... that once made my day.
Lots of love to you all and missings ofcourse!

Kasauli love! :)

2008-06-13T09:37:00.003+05:30

Something I wrote in June 2008... came across it and realised it never got published! :) I havent been to Kasauli since then... but it is one of my happy places for me! :)

its raining outside... :D
the weather is soo nice... :D
i love waking up to this... :D
i'm soo happy, so at peace... :D
im spreading the joy... :D
cause im in a world of bliss... :D
can't seem to wipe off this smile... :D
which is slightly hard to come by... :D
i feel alive... i feel sane... i feel peaceful... i feel ... everything... :D
there is nothing that can bring me down... :D
there is nothing that can take this away from me... :D
it makes me look at things soo differently... :D
it makes me a better person... :D the person i want to be.. :D
who would have though all this could come from a place... ??
a place called Kasauli... :D

if you've been here... you know exactly what i'm saying... the fresh air, the lovely weather, rain or not. i dont know if its being so much higher than sea level or more oxygen in the air.. lol... it just works wonders for everyone... the long walks, the lots of yum food... the feeling of being away from the hustle bustle... its just the most amazing feeling in the world. the phone doesnt work properly here ... *so whatchya gonna do??*
i have to admit, i love that feeling of dissconnecting every once in a while. I am going to make it a point to be back here soon enough/often enough while i'm in the country anyway! :)

ThE nEw AiRtEl AdS!

2008-05-09T23:45:00.002+05:30

Call me a sucker for mush....
The new Airtel ads just get to me in less than a second! Vidya Balan and Madhavan. What a phenomenal pair. And them being romantic over that! Makes everyone want their other half to be exactly like that! Over and above that, the crush I had on Madhavan as a girl doesn't help! The man smiles and I'm floored! Then, there he goes being the most romantic, head over heels in love man. Gosh I wish I had that! :)
Don't we all! Its funny how I am getting sick and tired of this we have a guy, we don't! Its what I want... or oohh ohh nope it ain't! I think its just better to be living in the world of fantasy. Its much easier and workable!
Anyway, back to the reason for writing. The cuteness of the ads, the hubby not leaving cause he's going to miss the wife. The hubby calling soo many times cause he misses her and calling to say good night! Anyone else in those ads would not have done justice to it the way these two do...
Not really relevant but I do love these ads. And they are soo worth the mention :)

Something for Arash....

2008-03-24T22:37:00.002+05:30

This is a photo clicked by a friend of mine called Arash. The quote under the photo read, "Moon - Clouds - Aww, all I need is a poem..."
So I volunteered to write him one. Little did I know I would have to work with some guidelines!
Arash asked me to come up with a poem using the following words.. MEHDI BABA, MOON, CLOUDS, NIGHT, THE WIFE & SUBLIME. This is what I came up with in 15 minutes!! LOL I find it a bit a of a laugh myself!

Its such a bright night,
Even though there isn't a star in sight,
As the coulds keep them hidden,
Along with the moon that's so smitten with the sky's sublime beauty!
Enjoying this scenic view,
Are Mehdi Baba and the wife,
Sitting hand in hand,
Thinking of how much more they can stand,
Of this totally cheesy yet gorgeous sight,
And with that thought they call it a night!

Two becoming one....

2008-03-06T23:14:00.003+05:30

One needs to be happy no matter what time in their life.
Phases keep changing and one must accept those changes and happily move on living their life.
Here are a few words I wish to express!

When two decide to become one,
It takes time,
It takes love,
It takes trust,
It takes commitment,
It takes effort,
It takes understanding,
It takes communication,
It takes work.
AS they say you clap with two hands not one. That phase of becoming one and understanding one has to be both sided. The things I've mentioned above need to all be both sided. I repeat, As they say, you clap with two hands not one.
As time goes by one needs to realise its not just 'ME'. Its 'US'. Once this realization is made and acknowledged its the best thing in the world. One knows that they are no longer alone. That's the best feeling in the world if you ask me. Someone to lean on, someone to be with, someone to live life with, the good and the bad.

Have you found your someone to lean on? Or you still trying to make sure? Either way, make sure you give it your best shot. Roll up your sleeves, kick away the slack. Make the effort to make that other person feel just that little bit special. IT goes a LONG way. If nothing else do it for everyone every now and then. Make them happy. All you get in return is good thoughts, wishes and blessings! :)
Here's wishing all of you out there good luck in finding your other half to become one.

Why...

2008-01-25T14:57:00.000+05:30

Why does it happen...
That we go through certain phases in life...
Even once we've crossed and passed them...
They come back to haunt us...
I've had the most amazing time...
I've been hurt...
I've hurt myself...
I've been blamed for someone else's grief...
Yet I don't blame anyone for mine...
Why is it so hard to behave like adults...
Why can't the others see the brighter light?
Why is it that its soo hard for things to go back to how they were...
Why... maybe because its not in my stars...
Why do you blame me when you agreed with me...
Why do you run away from me...
Why is it soo hard...
Then again... Why is it so hard for me to understand...
Why is it so hard to fully let go...
Why do I still see some hope someday...
Why can't I let go...
Of a few facts and things I might want...
I've moved on in life...
Yet I see things the way I want...
I know which might not always be possible...
But I keep trying to see if things may my way...
Why they ask.... To which I say...
Why not?

Just....

2008-01-18T13:17:00.000+05:30

With the good comes the bad,
With the happy comes the sad,
With the light comes the dark,
Mixed emotion with every spark.

Its how we feel,
Its what we do,
Its unreal how its me,
And all of you.

I Love You

2008-01-10T14:20:00.000+05:30

Here's something I wrote for a few very very good friends of mine!

These three words hold soo much joy in ones life.
We tend to ignore this when we really should cherish it every time we hear it.
I have my aunt's 5 year old who I am visiting right now. Spending some time with him, reading him a book before he sleeps and tucking him into bed with a kiss and a hug gives me my rewarding "I love you Rhea didi!"
Hearing those 5 words makes me melt every time without fail.

I have always believed in telling everyone what I feel. If its me missing them, or that I love them. I truly believe that it is one of the most important things. One must always know how they feel and make sure that their loved one's know how they feel about them.

Things that have happened in my life, good or bad and experiences that have happened with me. I can't go back in time and change them. Sometimes I really wish I could, believe me!
But even though I still feel that I've lead a great life and its all because of all of you!
You've all been a part of my life and made it what it is for me.
I love and cherish each and everyone of you!
MY life wouldn't have been the same without you!

So here's to never loosing you from my life and to tell you all how much I love you and how much you all mean to me!
Thank you for being a part of my life and being a part of me!

The Present* : Part 1

2007-12-17T04:18:00.000+05:30

You came into my life,
When I needed you the most.
You stoood right by my side,
Even though I was lost.

You never gave up hope,
Even though the light was dim.

Where we started where we are,
I can't let it sink in.
How well we managed this far,
Is hard for me to pin.

All I know is that you came in,
And made such a place for yourself.
Here's to soo much more ahead,
For us to enjoy in good health!
:)

The past...!

2007-12-17T04:08:00.000+05:30

Its truly strange...
Something I just can't get my head around...
One's life is going soo great...
One is happy... over the moon rather...
Things are going well in every aspect of life...
There are no regrets whatsoever...
Then why is it that we tend to go back to thinking and living in the past in our minds?
Why is it that we feel the need to think about the times we are trying to forget...
Even if the thoughts manage to creep in for a split second.. before you dismiss them...
What is the need for the thoughts to even creep in...

I guess we remember things for a reason.. I really don't know what the reasons are..but anyhow.. felt like penning this down!

OnE* Thank you!

2007-12-15T05:03:00.000+05:30

I come and go,
To and fro,
There you are,
Right where I left you!

It seems like we're one,
No matter what,
How much time apart,
We still pick up at the place where we had begun.

Its been soo many years,
We kinda lost track,
But I still remember meeting you,
As though it was yesterday, not such a while back.

We influenced our lives so,
I never thought it would ever last,
But how through thick and thin,
We managed to share something people rarely can cast.

I thank you for being a part of my life,
One I can never replace,
Know that you're my priority,
And I better be the same ;)

People come and people go,
But I for one am sure,
When I need you you'll be there,
The same way I stand here for you, with the same feelings we share.

Once more!?!? Unreal!

2007-12-14T04:38:00.001+05:30

The next morning we got up ... lazed around... had breakfast... ALO KA PARATHA...MAn how much better can this get :)
hehehehe
catching up, getting ready, eating breakfast.

Finally we decided to head out for a bit. Tanmay and I took off with a couple of his friends for a drive.
We were heading out to Taraunga but the weather really wasn't good. It was spitting as well so we decided to go a place called Mount Maunganui. Its a nice little place with nice beaches around. But there was no sun. It was grey, windy and cold!
The beaches and the sights were gorgeous but it was freezing cold by my standards!

On our way there.. WE stopped at hobbiton for a coffee and muffin! :D
Its where lord of the rings was shot. I didn't want to go in and have a look at the little houses. Its all private property. Its basically a drive through all other people's property! I was happy to be there in the open fields sitting with friends and enjoying my hot choco!

By the time we came back it was getting to be a bit past 8 I think. We had to drop off the friends and go catch up with Tan's parents at one of their friends houses.
I walked in and it was as though I was someone they were waiting for and knew!
Everyone seemed to know me! :) IT was such a nice and warm welcome! It was lovely. It was an enjoyable evening at their house which wrapped up early. Reasonably!
Then Tan and Sam and myself went to Sam's house for a bit. Caught up and then Tan and I retired for the day.
By that I mean came home and caught up.. again! :)

The nest day.. did a few things with the family and then headed off to Auckland after lunch. We had to be back to attend a friends haldi ceremony.
I'm here all the way in NZ travelling from place to place.. and then I have to attend this wedding :D
Poor aunty went crazy tyring to look for things for Me! :)
Oh well its been fun. Meeting all of Tans friends was good. Again felt right at home. I know and have heard about all of them. Its putting the faces to the names and the names to the stories now :) ;)

rEuNiTeD

2007-12-14T04:19:00.000+05:30

As I land... the weather is not the best.. but that's not what I can think of.
All I can think of is about the great time I had in Aussie and the blast I'm gonna have ahead.. and Tanmay waiting at the airport!!

Got out... the quickest immigrations ever... waited for my bags... walked out and there he was... My Tanny boy.. waiting for me to get out... we both looked at each other and laughed with disbelief!! One big hug and another laugh... Was this really happening... Am I really there?? Something we've spoken about forever more!
Changed some money and headed off to the car.

I had lost my voice as I was seriously ill and had a really really bad ear ache.. but none of that seemed to matter all of a sudden. There was soo much to tell, soo much to talk about.. What ever little I could I was managing to talk.. Catching up.. laughing, thinking we're in Delhi not in new Zealand! LOL
We decided to drive straight to Hamilton to go see mom and dad. It just wouldn't be right if I didn't see them as I landed.

Chatted all the way. Where the time went I have no clue. The drive was soo scenic.. But I think my mind was more in catching up. We made a small pit stop to meet one of Tan's friends. Sam! :) Then we were headed off for home...!
Got out of the car.. wanting to run towards the front.. calmly I made way till the time I saw aunty. I jumped and sprinted the rest of the way.
The hug that I've been waiting for forever more...! I just stood there hugging aunty for some time.. I don't know how long it was.. but at that time it didn't matter...
Then came my Max baby... My god how they grow.. I could just remember him about 7 years ago.. running out of his house screaming "rhea didi" all excited that I was there...
Last but not the least.. DAD!
Tanmay's dad has always been my dad... :) I feel like I have more right on him at times.. hehehe
One big hug and words acknowledging how happy we both are to be standing right there!

Its dinner time... I get greeted with two different chicken starters!!!
I'm being totally pampered... We're all catching up, all we want to do is hug each other and sit!! :D
After the two different chicken dishes its time for proper dinner. It was the first proper home cooked meal in days! It was awesome. Chicken, roti, alo, salad. Just perfect!
Finished dinner and decided to see a few video's of when They had gone to Shanghai. Tanmay and myself hadn't seen these. While we were watching these. more pampering. Dad decided to give all us kids a head massage! Champi time!!! That was sooo good! :D I almost fell asleep!
by this time I was coughing like a maniac and had almost lost my voice but that didn't stop up from catching up till 1 in the night. That's when everyone decided to hit the bed.
But of course Tan and I had still our bit of catching up to do!
WE went on for another hour after which my throat had given in. So at 2 in the morning was the wrap of the first evening I was there!

Khudi ko kar buland itna!

2007-12-07T11:41:00.000+05:30

This is one of my favorite songs by the group 'junoon'.
This happens to be what's on my mind right now...
So penning it down!

Khudi ko kar buland itna,
Ke har takdeer se pehla,
Khuda bande se khud pooche,
Bata, teri raza kya hai?

Sitaron se aage jahan,
Aur bhi hai!
Abhi ishq ke imtehan,
Aur bhi hai!

Tu shahen hai,
Parvaz hai,
Khwab tera kaam mera,
Tere samne aasma aur bhi hai..
Basera kar, Pahadon ki chattanon par
Bata, teri raza kya hai?

Zindagi main maine aaj tak aise hi kaam kiye hai ki koi mujhe mudh kar kuch bol na sake... IE.. I have always lived my life and done things in a way that no one can point a finger at me.
I only have the mighty being to look up to and answer to and for him my slate is clean.
I don't know what's happening with me and my moods... :D
But there are too many feelings going on inside my heart and head and every other part of my body that might be able to think.. LOL
so I guess slowly writing it all out one by one will help?? Maybe!! :)

This one is for me...

2007-12-07T07:36:00.001+05:30

This blog is solely for me.. cause I needed to just get a few things off my mind and heart!
Things just work is such strange ways... things are SO emotional and clinical at times...
Different people, different approaches... Different reactions...
Some strange way... life fits.. and some strange ways its waiting to be fixed!
Life anyway is a puzzle.. which we are trying to fit together..
So why fuss about it... when we can sort it all out...
Eventually.. it all has to fit in anyway... There is only one way it fits...
Remember.. Its a picture cut up into pieces so it HAS to fit back in the same way...
Sometimes it seems like there is no way that it will fit through...
But it will.. One has to be calm and patient and slowly try to figure things out...
Being impatient is not going to help anything or anyone...
Life is good, god is great, and things are fabulous.. its just the small trivial things that gets one wondering at times.
Why is there no easy route.. Maybe life would just be soo dull if there was...
Another day, the sun is shining bright... What I am doing inside...
Later GAtor!

singing...

2007-12-01T09:24:00.001+05:30

singing in the rain...
just singing in the rain...
what a glorious feel cause i'm happy again...

i am happy... its funny how many times i've written about it! i am glad i've done that...
its not good to always write about worries and sadness...

i am questioning where i am in life though :D
strange that its really not bothering me as of right now. on a normal day i'd be worried sick.
but i'm on holiday right now ... and just felt like penning down my carefreeness!

its a bright sunny day,
what more can i say,
i'm on a holiday,
loving it in everyway!

life is being so kind,
keeping my trip in mind,
i'm flashing away to glory,
trying to save every moment in my mind!

When will the gussa get thanda?

2007-11-29T03:17:00.000+05:30

Acha ok... So I kinda messed up without thinking that I did.
I did apologize for it.
So how long does it take for the gussa to get thanda... You can't just throw away years of friendship over one deal! That's why its a good friendship isn't it??

What must I do to make it all good again. It is alright I know that... and I know this is not going anywhere.. I wont let it. But when do I start to get back in touch with how things arE??

You know who you are... you need to you maaf karo me yaar!! :)
Woh movie thi na... " Dil par mat le yaar"

I miss you paaji! :)
Hope to hear from you soooonnn!
x

What Is IT?

2007-11-29T02:58:00.000+05:30

You know you think you know what's going on in your life... but then sometimes you look around and you don't!

I thought I knew what I wanted all my life... which I did most of it... but now I'm standing somewhere in my life... where I thought I wanted something... and now I see things that I want to do other than what my plans had in store for me.

Making a career change doesn't only involve me. That's the only issue. My decision in life are based on a lot of other things as well. The people I love are a very very important part of my decisions! Why is it that everything else affects the decision one has to make. At the end of the day its one person's life and its what they have to do. The decisions one makes should revolve around them and they have to live with their choices...! Why should it affect others...??
There is no point in asking why. At the end of the day, IT DOES affect others and it does matter.

We have been brought up to be considerate to others. When that's not an important part of one's upbringing we can do anything not caring about the others. But when we do know and think of others these decisions become very very hard. Its not easy to be thinking of what we want without thinking of others!
WE need to be very careful of how we do things and make our decisions. Some of our decisions do end up hurting some, but there are somethings that we have to do.
Its not the best place to be in. It's so hard to be caught in the middle of your mind and your heart! Who do you listen to...??

I am soo confused at times as to what I want in life. All because of outer influences... When will the time come for me to just make that choice! Any choice without thinking of otherS! Or just being able to be ok with my choice without outer influenceS!

Anyone have any clues?

Happy ...

2007-11-20T02:58:00.000+05:30

You know I have realised one thing.
Its when we are sad and upset that we sit and think about what our life is.. how we do things.. what we do and why....
Its only then we give things attention and remember the good times...
But no one really acknowledges when they are actually happy!
We never think twice and thank our stars for the good time that we are having.
We all need to realise that we have to seriously start to consciously realise our happy times!
WE do have a lot of them in our lives. We just choose to not think of it when we are happy and having a good time!
I am having a blast of a time... and no matter what comes up.. I'm happy! There is nothing more I want from life. I have a good life, a great family, and some fantastic friends!
I am grateful each day for this!
Just thoughts which I wanted to pen down! So there! :D

On My Way....

2007-11-14T18:42:00.000+05:30

A good hour and a half before landing, the energy seemed to be creeping in. I was up walking the isle. I was having the best time since I left Delhi. Easy check in, pleasant staff and the attention from the good looking people! The last point, I believe is all thanks to my fantastic mood and chirpiness.

Slept through my flight from Delhi to Singapore. I had a quick stop over (2 hours or so) at the Singapore airport and then I was off to Sydney! Australia and New Zealand are places I've always wanted to visit but never saw it actually happening! Well it was all real now. Still doesn't feel like its true though!! So back to being on the flight. Had been talking to the cute flight attendant, had the hottest guy on the flight come and chat to me, what more did I want ;)
20 minutes before landing one could make out its my first time to Sydney! Peeping out the window as though I was gonna make my way out of that window any second! Smiling for no obvious reason :D
Landing at Sydney was a fantastic feeling! Walked out, through the immigrations and to the baggage claim. From the walk that I took till outside, I felt like that people were very warm. Unlike UK and elsewhere where one feels that the people are cold. Or the CITY is cold even!

Baggage took forever to come. I even had a little beagle dog come and sniff my laptop bag at the time. Even had to flirt with the customs guy to get the extra cigs and khatta meetha packet! (bag of salties!) {kidding}
Walking out I felt like I was walking on air! I've been in the best mood EVER!
:D
See what a vacation does to you!! :)

Came out and recognized my aunt and uncle in a second! AND to my surprise they recognized me just as fast! They said its because I'm an exact image of my mother. Copy! :) The last they saw me was about 10 years ago if not more!
All four of them came to the airport to get me! Waayy past the kids bedtime! Arnav and Ashna went all quiet! :) It takes time for kids to open up!
Came back home, chatted away to glory. Catching up and watched some TV before heading to bed.

Next morning I was up at 530 AM! We had decided the night before to go catch the sunrise. The beach is just behind the house and my aunt's mom from India had specifically asked me to do this for her! :)
So my aunt and myself took off to the beach for a nice walk by the bay! :) BEachhh!! :) We were off for about half an hour. We know the sun had risen as we could see the bright rays, but it was rising behind the clouds that we were rising along with the sun! :) But its all good. I love the beach, the sound of the waves hitting the beach! I was happy! Came back home and.... went back to bedd!!! Wanted to sleep for an hour and ended up sleeping for 3!

Later that morning went to buy a few things that I needed and saw some tankini's!!! Yippee... shopping time! Spent some time at the mall and back we came. Kids came back home and we all got ready and waited for uncle to get back! He came home, got ready and off we were to show Rhea around! :)
First stop, Sydney Opera housE! Not before crossing the harbour bridge of coursE!
I have to go walk on that bridge! You're allowed to go up as well! For a fee :)
Circular Quay is right by the Opera house. A place with restaurants and people scattered all over! People there for a drink after work, or just before going to the Opera. People all dressed up and chilled out just hanging out there.. ITs a nice place. WE took a few pictures and decided to go to the Darling Harbour to go get some food. The kids were getting hungry! WE all managed to eat and head out for a walk. It was lovely! The atmosphere I mean. Bars and restaurants on the harbour. What a brilliant place to go and chill out. People reading, sitting doing nothing, roller blading, out for a drink or a walk. I could soo imagine being back at college. Places next to the river, specially the Mailbox area, just minus the cold! :)
Walking back over the Darling bridge all I could think about was how cool and easy it would be for me to live here! How convenient! I would love to be living in Australia!
I told myself I would give it a few days before I jump to that thoughT! But I think I might seriously consider it!

Back home, everyone tired and I'm off to my book and bed!
Singing off with lots of love!

Diwali it wasss!!! :D

2007-11-10T13:30:00.000+05:30

Its been 6 years now since I've celebrated Diwali the good old way.
Being out, one doesn't have the same charm as being back here in India for Diwali.
Its the season for fun, frolic something new... lots of lights, noise, love and everything that goes with it! :)
I don't think I've ever wanted to celebrate so much.
From late night cleaning to early morning cleaning, to getting the house ready, bright all decked up with flowers and rangoli!!
Of course my favorite part is making the feet marks entering the house.
You have to show laxmi the way in.. :D
After a good morning of cleaning... Then comes the entertaining... We weren't that well equipped this time round... but it was nice.
Seeing people we haven't seen in a while.
The evening came... Running around doing the last minute preparations before we sat down for the pooja and the aarti.
After which.... of course the lighting of a few sparklers...! We've not been into too many fire crackers for some time now...
After which.. the rounds with the neighbours... the "helloooo its been ever soo long :)"
Its nice that even though we don't manage to see each other... this festival manages to bridge all gaps... and make it seem like nothing changed.
Whether its people pretending or facts.. I don't know. As long as the feeling everywhere on this day, is good :D
Then we hoped into the car and went to my uncle's house.
It was nice... Both my uncle and his wife and kids, and My aunt (mom's sister) with Her husband were over.
It was a very nice evening spent. We ate dinner and then went out to burst fire crackers..!
There were two boxes FUULLLL!!!
I stuck to a sparkler and an annar... Which was good enough for me to enjoy. The rest I sat back and enjoyed the show as my uncle and cousins were running around bursting all the crackers! :)
MY little cousins were soo smart.. one of them... took the crackers.. hid some behind the bush.. so that everyone is done with their share... he still had some more.. He was hustling! :)
Too cute.. Just sitting there outside the house... Making a beautiful sight made me soo happy and calm inside!
Sitting and chatting with family... screaming every two seconds to make sure that the kids don't hurt themselves or so something silly. :)
IT was just great to be doing that.
Watching the starlit sky and the roads... Just bliss...
Being with family.. Having that feeling of being home with everyone again... Was lovely...
Got back home... And of course was looking forward to the sleepless night :D
Have to be up to keep the diya alive all night long.
Anyhow... All said and done.. I was very happy this Diwali...
Here's wishing you all a very very happy Diwali... Wishes for a fantastic and prosperous new year!

State of mind... Happy ! :)

2007-11-10T12:39:00.000+05:30

Things are soo hap hazard...
Life is going on soo fast you can't think straight...
Feeling all these emotions at the same time, one doesn't know what to make...
But then you stop and think...
Right here! Right now... What is it I'm feeling?
It could be anger, love, hate, joy, sadness, happiness...
Its a choice we make. A choice to feel how we want to feel...
I have decided... No matter what... feel what you have to feel in the moment.. But the rest of the time... I WILL FEEL HAPPY :D
I have enough to be happy about.
God has been ever so kind to keep blessing me...
Great family, a life with no complains...
Everything that I go through I go through for a reason...
Its the path I choose to walk on... As its the path that was chosen for me...
Going with the flow is great, but one has to be sure that you're still in control!
I am happy...
I wish everyone else to be happy too!!
I don't know whether its the festive season or a change in me bringing this out.
Whatever it might be I'm happy! :)

My Dream World....

2007-10-27T19:25:00.000+05:30

I know reality and I know how it all works.
Yet I find myself living in this dream world of my own.
I can stay in this state of imaginary living for as long as I want.
Snap into it and out of it as and when I like.
I have full control over it. It has no control over me.
I chose to move into it when I have something bothering me, most of the time.
When I feel that something could have been done differently and someone could have done something in another way. (Better that what was done already)
Its a place I'm happy. Things are just right.
Its a place where I'd like to be all the time.
Its a place where everything goes right.
A place where everything not right has the perfect explanation.
Its because of being mature at such a young age, that all this comes up.
Its a place where I get away from the harsh reality of life.
Its not that I don't know how the world and people around me work.
Its just that as we grow up we realise that the bubble of the perfect world we had, isn't perfect.
Its my way of relaxing my self.
A form of my own meditation.
Its an art I would like people to try. See how it suits them.
Its like tantric travelling one might say. :)
Some people travel to places on the earth via that.
I travel to a different world all together.
Its like a parallel world to what we live in now.
Its a trait for people of my sun sign to me dreamers. Its a speciality.
We do it the best. It really helps.
My advice to all .. try it!

The First Person I See Every Morning!

2007-10-16T20:59:00.000+05:30

This is something I wrote a while back!
Felt like adding it on here!

Considering the fact that I live alone... And have been for the past 6 years now. The first person I see every morning is … ME! I wake up every morning, and see myself in the mirror when I get to brushing my teeth! (Being the first thing I do! Gosh that morning breath!)

If that is not considered as the first person I see every morning then I don’t know who is. I get out of my building and walk down the street. See the same face of the house porters and people washing the cars. Walk or take a taxi to the spot I’m supposed to be picked up by a friend of mine. So really apart from me… there is no constant person I see every morning.

Some people have their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives that they wake up to (some of them don’t want to be waking up to the other!), some people have their pets to wake up to, some people have their mothers screaming and shouting to wake them up! I have the pleasure of waking up to my phone… my alarm clock which happens to be The Mask of Zorro dance song! You know everyone has their morning rituals as they wake up… From scratching their ass to picking their nose! Stretching in bed and yawning the ‘good bye sleep yawn!’ Mine would be hitting the damn snooze button! I think sleep is something that I love! To the extent that there are times I’ll call in sick just to get a few extra hours! (Shush… that’s totally supposed to be between us!) After hitting the button enough and over sleeping my extra time, one will see me jump out of bed and run to the bathroom! Brush my teeth… sit on the pot … jump into the shower and get dressed at superman speed! My track record of being ready in less than 17 minutes!

Anyhow… On that note, I shall take my leave… and leave you with this… If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.