Reminders

Why are tears made out to be such a problem?

It is one of the biggest advantages we have. It is a boon. It physically re-sets the body. It is a physical release. 

Everyone sees the tears, but no one sees the power behind them. Let's just talk for myself... though I am sure a lot of women come in this very category. My brain is wired to feel more, sense more, understand more. There will be times I am sending more, but the understanding will come later... Because our brains take over. And that isn't always a good thing. Soft heart, unshakable mind. Logic and emotion is working simultaneously. Intelligence and intuition go hand in hand for me. 

When I cry, my body is forcing me to release stress. It clears mental fog, before it becomes chaos. Not to say sometimes chaos takes over first, and again, I attribute that to an overthinking brains. But crying for me is a system reboot. My nervous system needs this reset. It is NOT a weakness, its self regulation. 

I am emotionally transparent, not unstable. I love how transparency is mistaken for instability. My honesty can be felt. It doesn't need to be explained... yet I go out of my way to try my best to explain where needed. Post that, its up to the other person. 

I, we all wear multiple hats. Protector, peacemaker, the one who holds people and teams together, tho one who spots something off, even if I'm not fast to do something about it. 

My tears don't make me fragile, they make me human. We tend to forget that so easily, in a world that has forgotten to feel. 

I am not too emotional, I am just built different, and I'm kinda done explaining this. 

I'm fine... Breathe...

I’m fine, but I absorb everyone else’s emotions until I forget what mine feel like…

I’m fine, but I keep forgiving people who never learnt how to be gentle with me...

I’m fine, but I want someone to stay without me having to become smaller...

I’m fine, but sometimes I confuse being needed with being loved...

I’m fine, but I’m tired of making pain look beautiful so nobody gets uncomfortable…

I’m fine, but I want love that doesn’t ask me to vanish to keep the peace…

I'm fine, but I am really just looking to be at peace and not be the one taking one everyone else and their troubles...

I'm fine, but I am ready to surrender to the flow now... vs wanting to have control on the outcome...

May the heart always guide our head!

A conversation recently triggered these thoughts of me after a long time. For someone who had started living in this truth, it has been so easy to forget. So penning it down here too. Just small reminders and notes for me when I time travel back :)

Our brains can take over and make us feel very broken, amongst other things.

Every fear, every anxiety, is doing exactly what it is designed to do: protect you. I’ve recently had to remind myself of all this too :)

Our problem is not the brain. It is how we easily forget that we are not our thoughts.

We are simply the observer of our thoughts.

All we truly do is listen to them, and we can allow specific thoughts to enter our brain, or not!

But usually what happens is that we become prisoners of our thoughts, giving our fears and insecurities the right of passage :) even when we think we don’t do that.

As observers of our thoughts, we tend to have a lot more power.

You are not your thoughts. 

You are not stuck.

Your brain rewires itself every single day based on what you’re thinking about.

You’re either hardening old patterns or creating new ones.

It’s biology. We are not stuck. We can change the trajectory of our lives at any point and begin again, as many times as needed.

For me, empathy and compassion are not weaknesses.

They are now known and studied as some of the highest neurological functions.

I have realised, and conveniently forgotten in the recent past, that when I practice kindness towards others, it helps soften and suppress my own fears a little.

Our heart and brain are constantly conversing, and the shift happens when the heart finally has the courage to shush the brain.

When we practice gratitude, our heart rhythm changes, and then the brain follows.

Not only can you think your way into a new life, you can *feel* your way into one too.

If your heart believes it, your brain eventually will too.

Suffering is universal, yes, but the story you tell yourself is optional.

You can decide what the story is and tell it to yourself, or you can let it tell itself to you.

For the majority of my life, I have chosen the empowering one. 

Healing from suffering and cycles of negative thought makes us resilient. I need to remind my brain all the time that even the hardships, pain, and suffering I’m going through have a purpose.

The brain is capable of imagination and intention.

It can envision anything or anyone you want to be. If I can think vividly about who I want to become, and wire that into my brain, it will eventually come true. It may not happen on my timeline, but maybe it already exists somewhere in a parallel reality :) Which is why we can imagine and feel it. 

This is not wishful thinking. It is neuroscience. :) :p

We have the gift, and the ability, to start again with every passing second...

In the end, the legacy we leave behind isn’t what has lasting value; it’s whether we loved others, and whether they loved us. If we had even a small impact on someone’s life or life path, that is what really matters.

So in this constant conversation between our head and our heart, I pray that our hearts always win and teach our brains to be gentler with ourselves, specially when it needs to protect us :D 
There are other ways to take off the amour. I pray our hearts lead and guide the way for our brains. 

Life as I know it | Perspective shifts and wants

I had similar thoughts 10 years ago, and I had penned them down then. Now, I am going to attempt to do the same again. I can clearly see the shift, both in life and in me 😊

A real lasting relationship, any real relationship, requires a lot of tolerance. No one is perfect, but who are you are willing to face disappointments, pains and imperfections with? The real question is whether you are ready to navigate the ups and downs together, because that's just a part of it. 

Loving is recognising that life is precious and limited. We need to make the most of our time with the ones we love and cherish. It may seems like life is long, but it truly is fleeting. 

Crossing the 40 mark really does make you re-evaluate a lot. Life has been lived a fair bit, and we outgrown various versions of the 'self'. I sure as hell am not who I was a year ago even, let alone a decade ago! So, I'm here to pen down a few thoughts I've had, and use it as a medium to lay the ground work for what lies ahead in life and love. 

I am feeling aligned with my inner child, embracing vulnerability and a bright-eyed perspective.       
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I will start with love, because, of course I will... It's me! :D

In any relationship, except the ones you can't change, the want or the desire is simply love. Not the transactional kind, nor one where you have to prove your worth to earn it. I'm talking about real love, where earning it isn't part of the equation, and it doesn't feel like work. It should exist as the baseline for everything we do. 

In my connections, I look for consistency. I want reliability from those who show up for me, just as I do for them. Good morning texts to let you know you're being thought of. Follow throughs that show commitment. I have dealt with many disappointments in life, and I am pretty done with making room for anything less than a resounding FUCK YEAH.  No time for maybes. 

I want emotional intelligence. I seek people who can regulate their emotions, ask questions, read the room, and effectively communicate through troubled waters. I value honesty, those who can hold space for me  when needed, and stand by me when the going gets tough, reminding me that it's okay, and I will always get through. 

I want affection; Physical, emotional and mental. I want to be held, I want to receive hugs and kisses,  to hear 'I'm proud of you', I want it all, without having to ask for it. 

I want Peace. I want to come home to calm energy, not chaos. I want relationships that feel like a safe harbor, not another storm to weather. No drama, no guessing... just the path of least resistance, as I say these days. A home that feels like quiet joy.

I want protection. Physical, emotional and mental. I want to be unmasked with my people, where my vulnerabilities are respected, not mocked or misunderstood. I seek relationships that shield me from unnecessary stress and drama, rather than adding to it. 

I want understanding - specifically of my independence. My independence in not rejection; it is survival. When I finally let my guard down, its a gift, not a given. (This makes me think more about modern relationships, but I'll get back to that later)

I want honesty. No games, no weaponised silence, no pretences. I want clear communication, calling a spade a spade without mincing of words. I grew up constantly second guessing myself, and I refuse to invite that back into my life. 

I want intention. If you're not serious, don't even start. Life is too short for wasting time. I want people who are purposeful in their actions, who know where they are going and want me alongside them. No games, no guessing, just clarity. 

Having stated all my wants as, there are a few more thoughts I have journeyed with over the years. :)

I have always been told that independence is important, and I truly get it. However, I have also seen, how couples who depend on each other, can feel safer taking risks that propel them forward. This definitely helps establish and create a greater sense of security and emotional resilience. We can navigate life alone if that's our path, but biologically, we're not meant to go through this alone. Safe relationships are the foundation of emotional resilience, helping us shift out of fight-or-flight mode and enhance our sense of calmness, security and well being. 

I am someone who cares deeply, but caring deeply can someone be misunderstood as codependency. It is not the same. Wanting a connection, is not codependency. Relationships, in any form, are complex and imperfect, but they are the foundation of and are essential for our growth. 

People with strong relationships, often find their way. Myself included. 

How silly of me!

How silly of me to think I had to earn love, when being me was always enough. 

How silly of me to shrink, when I was born to shine!

How silly of me to downplay my heart, when its the best thing about me.

How silly of me to forget how special I am.

How silly of me to forger I am one of one, and I am amazing! 

How silly of me to see flaws in my body where there was strength and softness. 

How silly of me to feel alone, when love sits quietly in every corner of my life.

How silly of me to forget how far I have come, just because I still have far to go. 

How silly of me to beg for the bare minimum when I am made of galaxies. 

How silly of me to chase things that were never meant to stay. 

How silly of me to think resting meant falling behind. 

How silly of me to forget, that even on my worst days, I am still worth of love. 

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life. 

Grief

The past year has been beyond life changing for me. For someone who has dealt with trauma and grief unknowingly in their childhood, and has grown up to understand what goes behind trying to resolve a lot of trauma that we carry, most of which may not even be ours… This past year has just blown things out of proportion for me. With the loss of Akshay, which most didn’t understand,  most still don’t, I found myself lost, faithless, belief-less, heartless, soulless, brainless… the list could go one. Many moons later, when there was a semblance of a breath… and a sneak peek from behind that heavy curtain of shock, you see what lies ahead… Grief… in a whole new form from how I had experienced it before, and nothing like what you could have possibly thought you knew cause you had heard of it. 

The life I had planned, everything that made me feel like myself and the other person who helped me feel whole, gone, just like that. In a blink of an eye. Now what? What about the patient waiting for life to begin? What about the time gone? What about the memories that were to be made? What about, what about, what about…

But then, time moves on, everyone else keeps going, the sun and moon rise and it is what it is. We are still here. For whatever reason it is. So you try to do, bit by bit, what you can do best. Teach yourself to be present in the moment and start to befriend your grief. The more you do that, the more friendly you become, the more you realize that it gives you the time, space and strength to find yourself and your ‘wholeness’ again. Within you. Grief is what is going on, on the inside, while mourning is what we do on the outside. We may stop mourning on the outside, but Grief has its own way and process for your insides. Imagine having a cracked rib. Everything looks perfectly fine on the outside, but there is extreme pain on the inside. Well, THAT is grief. 

It is up to us to take from it what we want and need.  Grief is a process, a journey, with no explainable dimensions and no expiry date.

I read somewhere, the Grief is love with no where to go… So I took from it to be loving and kind to myself first. Put myself first (something he first taught me and showed me) to do whatever it was I needed to do to survive. Most people around me just didn’t understand, still don’t. It is not easy to allow yourself to Grief when you let your head take over. It’s harder to grieve around people who don’t like how grief looks on you. But shattered hearts left behind still beat… so through the grief I was dealing with I still tried to do my level best to keep others happy and accommodate for all the regular shit that one does in life… and I realize that shit just doesn’t work. I did what I had to do, including stopping giving a shit about anyone other than myself and my mental and emotional health. Cause you know what, no one else will give a shit. 

But for the handful of people that showed up in my life at that time, I am so grateful for you. For them and the people’s love and wishes is what kept me afloat. I know it. 

Only I know the magnitude of my loss, and the ones I share this experience with. So I will honor that and them and myself above all. Grief IS a reflection of love, and I am grateful to be on this journey, cause I know what this is matters. The reality is that you will grieve forever. You don’t ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one. You have to learn to live with it. You have to heal and rebuild yourself ‘around’ the loss suffered. I know I will be whole again someday, but I will never be the same. Nor should I be, nor do I want to be. 

People who might think that one can grieve for ‘too long’ or grieve ‘too much’, well everyone is different. Do we want to judge that? So then do we judge people who grieve ‘too little’? Some people want to process and some people want to pretend and keep moving. Both are trying, just different ways that worked for them. One person’s food is another person’s poison. 

Most people don’t even think twice about this, but just because someone carries loss and grief well, doesn’t make it any lighter to carry. I grieve openly and I’m very protective of my process and the process of my loved ones, cause grieving openly might actually save someone else from dying quietly on the inside. 

Love doesn’t dies when the person we love dies, it doesn’t disappear, it remains. 

Here is the truth of it. Grief grabs the heart and doesn’t seem to let go. 

Life gives us pain and our job is to experience it when it comes our way. Avoidance of it has a cost, I have seen this first hand. Having pain seen and seeing the pain in others is needed for the body and soul. There is no forgetting grief.

Meet people grieving where they are, don’t try to cheer up people grieving/depressed. That will just make them feel guilty. Please be conscious of what the other person is going through. Just be there, even silently, keep their feelings company and don’t ask ‘how are you?’ and ‘why don’t you..?’ Every life is unique, no one can take anyone’s place. We’re all one of a kind. So allow the pain to be felt and released and refrain from telling them what to do.

I/we will probably grieve forever. I/we will not ‘get over’ the loss of our loved one. I/we will have to learn to live with it and we will heal and rebuild ourselves around the loss we have suffered. Because what else is there? So please get on board, or get out of the way. 

Thanks.

Never the same without You!

It's been a while, since you've been gone,

My heart is split in two.

One with all the memories of us,

and the other that went with you.

There are times I lay awake at night when the world is fast asleep.

Thinking of our time together, all the beautiful memories...

with tears running down my cheeks. 

Remembering you is easy, 

I do it all the time.

But missing you is heartache,

and strength, I cannot find.

You are a part of me, and a part of me is gone with you.

I know life and time wait for no one, 

but this life for me, will never be the same without you.

Love of my life...

You had my heart from the very first hello,

In your heart, you always know,

There was something different about this ‘hi’,

Something familiar that made us smile… 

The more we spoke, the more we knew,

That ‘we’ were a whole different tune, 

This wasn’t just someone I met,

It was more of a long lost reconnect...

When you know you’ve known someone across lives,

In all the darkness that surrounds you, you’re each other’s light… 

Our love was one for the books, 

The world never really knew what it was, from its looks… 

We loved and lived more than a lifetime, 

and knew there was nothing else really, in any pipeline… 

Things were very real, 

And you needed time to heal… 

I understood what you were and what you needed,

So I patiently waited … and receded...

The one thing I knew, was very clear,

That home was always you… always near…

I waited patiently for you to do what you had too,

For you to come home, where you too, were needed… it's true.

Now I wait to see you again, 

Till then I don’t know what to do with this pain. 

But one thing I know for sure, 

Celebrating you is the only cure… 

For this broken heart can’t possibly feel or see, 

Any other way to be or heal… 

So till my love, we meet again,

I keep you alive everyday… 

Through all the things we did together, and had to do,

All of you, alive with me, through me forever… love of my life… oh how I love you.

Life as I know it.

Was I meant to stay, or was I meant to go?
Now there is an answer I’ll never know.

What was I left behind for?

I’ve been trying to work out all this while.
Trying to find out who I am and whose shoes in, do I walk a mile?

Things I thought were my purpose, clearly were not.
Or was it just not the right time, who knows, at the moment it’s not what I’ve got.

We live life thinking we know it all, have everything under control,
It’s always going as per plan, we think, till it all comes to a stall.

It’s only then we choose the path to ourselves, only then we try to restore our inner shelves...
Realising the clutter and chaos within,  not knowing where to start or how to begin.

And then we see the storm for what it is,
Its much more than what we thought it could ever be...

The chaos within is not just ours, but everyone else's mess, you see.
The burden we carry of generations before us, being more them at times, and being us, less.

Then the journey of unpacking begins, the journey to break patterns and clear all things.
Understanding the lives we've lived, the generational patterns that exist.

Don't know how to start, when to stop and how to give it a rest.
It becomes a repeat cycle, for one to be aware, and life then is a constant test.

There is just so much to take in, to understand and ask from within.
The answers come in different ways, be prepared they said, but how?
This new life is here to stay. And we don't ever get away with our old ways.

Change is the only constant they say, this is true of this new life, of these new ways.
Its what comes from within, change you asked for, change up to restart, to begin.

The path to connecting with yourself is hard, what comes up and out,
its not something in your charge...

But keep walking the line I'd say...
Keep your head above water and keep up the faith.
Trust the good days and the bad, live them like nothing you've ever had.

For faith will take you through and show you,
What's meant for you, will always be there waiting for you. 

In Pursuit.

I can’t move.
I can’t breathe.
Gosh, I feel so weak.

It’s dark and gloomy.
Outside and inside.
Gosh, it makes me so bleak.

My world full of color,
Today seems dark and grey.
I sit tight, I know I have to pray...

Pray through the darkness, pray through the gloom...
Pray away till my darkness starts to bloom.

It’s the last stretch,
Where we tend to lose hope...
Blindly grappling for every last string, every last rope...

I know it’s just a matter of time,
But giving time time, takes time...
I need to find the strength within,
to help lift me up, and restart... begin.

That maybe something for me to do tomorrow,
But for today, I lay here... in my puddle of sorrow.

We have to learn to live it... not just the good, but the bad and the truth of it all...
Without being present, we just can’t process...
And without processing, we just can’t access...

Where we came from, where we are...
Forget where we are going, just to even stay at par,
With who we truly are and the essence of us...

Do you really know you?
Is it someone you trust?
Would you let you in?
Would you be your own best friend?

It’s time to start asking the questions,
To our own hearts and minds...
For answers we could never imagine...
To be our own best friend, in time.

Making me, mine.

When you’re trying hard to be your own best friend,
but feel like you don’t want to be.

It’s hard from time to time, to keep smiling and be happy...
no matter how blessed we be.

Why is it so hard, to face our fears and our demons?
Even when we embark on that journey, it doesn’t always feel fulfilling or healing.

I know I am on the right path, I know I am doing all that I can...
Just to see a glimmer of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, just a sneak peak into my plan.

Days likes these are constant reminders that the path I picked is far from easy.
Keeping me real and grounded, but far from being lemon squeezy.

One step forward, two steps back, is what it feels like from time to time...
but I guess we just have to keep pushing, to be able to really make me, mine...

Things to consider.

In my view... here are a few things I think are important to be clear on before you pick your partner. You think you're ready to spend the rest of your life with someone? Found that someone to grow old with?
Make sure you ask yourself the following questions and have clear answers!

~ Faith.
Do you have faith in each other? You know that no matter what happens, this person will be standing by your side? It doesn't have to be 100%. Anything over 80% works! After all, nothing is absolute. 

~ Distance.

Are you comfortable being away from each other. Do you give each other space? You don't have trouble being away traveling with work or friends even. As long as you both know you're going to be 'home' with each other soon. You are 'home' for each other.

~ Balance.

Are you good at balancing each other out? Be the stronger one when the other is weak? By the chirpy one when the other is down? Can you balance out each other? Are you yin and yang and can you interchange as needed?

~ Sharing.

Is this the person you share everything with? Good, bad, ugly, happy, sad, important and inconsequential. This is the first person you share everything with?

~ Growing together.

We change and grow constantly in life. The challenging part is changing and growing with someone else. Is this the person you want to cherish yourself with? Change and grow with. For better or for worse?

~ Care.

Do you care for this person? More than you care for yourself? No one says we shouldn't lookout for ourselves, but is this the person you're willing to forget yourself for? In the most dramatic way, you willing to put all you have on the line for this person? 

~ Compromise.

Its something we all do at some points in our lives. Some do it more often than others. Not to say you should start something or get into something with someone with a compromise... But if the time comes at some point later in life, are you both willing to compromise? Just being willing is a good start. No matter what the situation, you need to be willing to, to make sure its got the best interests for the both of you. 

~ Choice. 

This person is your person. You picked this person. This person needs to be the one you want to come home to.... No matter how hard your day was. You know this is the person you want to have by your side at night...

Have you asked yourself these questions? Do you have clear answers? Now get talking amongst yourself and make sure you both are on the same page before you head in any direction!

Something going on in my mind, thought of sharing. Hope it helps someone, somewhere...

Head vs Heart... yet again.

Sometimes... I wonder what I'm thinking... That's the thing, maybe I'm not thinking... Maybe I am the person who just goes with a gut feel. I do try and make some sense of things in my head... But mostly I think I'm driven by my gut...

Clearly there are two kinds of people... Head vs Heart... The successful ones are those who can use both, close to equally, to make choices and decisions. But sometimes... I think you just have to go with it... Go with a feeling... No matter what the outcome. Be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best.

I think I am also hopelessly optimistic... And that also comes from my gut... When it comes from there I know I have enough to push me enough to see me through any situation... No matter how hard... How I have grown to become this person I don't know. I look back and I know I have worked really hard to be here today... But how do I translate that and use it to help things, situations and people around? Other than lead by example...? I guess patience is still a lesson that hasn't been completed with me...

One thing that I still need to get to being... patient... I think most people think I am very patient... But I know the truth of it... I still have a long way to go....

Anyway, just a rant... Needed to get it out. Currently in a point in life where I don't know exactly where everything is headed. I know where I'd like it to go, but then again... the motto has always been Que Sera Sera...

Dear person who I want to grow old with.

They say, the things we regret the most are the ones we didn't do or the things we never said. But sometimes circumstances don't allow us to say what we really need to, when we really want to. Sometimes, we have to be patient and wait for the right time... the right moment. 

I don't know when that might be, but there are a few things I need to say. So putting it out there. Here goes... 

PS: just random musings... I tend to babble in my head and out loud, hopefully getting it out clears my head up! :) 
Not directed to anyone in particular. And if it is, its for me to know and you to find out. :p Maybe not!

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Dear Person who I want to grow old with,

I know you're scared, so am I. I am know you're jaded, so am I. I know you're cynical, so am I. The difference is that I always try to see the light at the end of the tunnel as an opening, rather than a train coming at me head on. Trust me, getting myself to think of that isn't always easy... But I know if it was, it wouldn't be worth it. 

I don't know what tomorrow has in store for either of us, but I know how I feel today. If there is one thing life and experiences have taught me, is to be driven by love and not fear. I do truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Everything that doesn't happen also doesn't work because there is a greater plan of action. We must believe however, through it all. The pain, angst and all the emotions we go through when our plans don't work, are meant to teach us things we are yet to learn. Or know and don't really practice. 

I know you don't believe in this and a few more things I believe in. But that's okay. I believe enough for the both of us. 

I know the thought of 'us' scares you. Its something good. Something we both want, but are too scared to accept. I also know that I have more clarity in thought and how I feel more than you. It might be a problem of mine. Clarity of thought and emotion. Scares many away. But again, its a chance I am willing to take. 

So here are a few things I need you to know, about me, and about how I'd like us to be. 

When I'm in, I'm all in. For the long run. The good, the bad, through sickness and health yada yada yada... I'm there. No running, no walking out, no giving up. We both know this is worth fighting for, worth saving, worth having. I promise to love you, even when I hate you. We all need someone, to be able to give us that bit of strength, support, peace... A little bit of beauty or a ray of hope midst all the darkness. Just when its needed the most. 

As for hugs! I am a tree hugging hippie... But I don't think those are for nothing. They are not meant to make you feel better. They are meant to remind us of the support/pillars we have in our lives. Something or someone to fall back on. Reminders. 

I know you and I are more than what meets the eye... I know it because I feel it. I know you feel it too. However scared you might be to admit it. Yes there are times I am confused, and I don't always and won't always know what is on your mind... Which is why actions must also be accompanied with communication. Maybe not a lot, but enough to get through. 

I am right here right now. And I intend to be in case you'd like otherwise. At the risk of scaring you, I can't wait for our life to begin. We are currently getting a slight preview, not everyone is lucky enough to have, but I am sure we will make life better than we think we will, together. 

I currently have multiple universes existing, side by side... I can't wait for it to be one. 

We are both strong individuals, with aspirations and goals. We make up for each other's losses in ways we never thought we could. Together, we are stronger and better.

I know we are both in for one hellova ride... and all I can say is that I cannot wait. Bring it on :p and oh, 'Cowabunga Duddeee'!!!

I meant it when I said "bachu, you're gone". Here's the other thing which I didn't bet on... So am I. 

Yours, patiently... 
Waiting to start growing up and old with you! 

Looking around

I look around, what is it I see...
The world the way I want it to be.
Smiles, love, compassion, gratitude and more...
All of what I want and need.

But life has its ways to test us all,
To push us enough, to make us fall.
So what is it that one must do,
To constantly remember to not change our view?

Remind ourselves to stand again,
Put on a smile and get back in the game.
Along with joy, there will always be sorrow.
Just know that there will be a brighter tomorrow.

No matter what tomorrow holds,
Don't stop, just try and be bold.
That one little step today,
You know will take you a long long way!

I feel...

For once in my life…

… I leave worry behind.

… I truly go with the flow.

… I’m not scared.

… I don’t worry about tomorrow.

… I know something is going right.

… I feel needed.

… I know I’m missed.

… I know the meaning of aching for someone.

… I feel taken care of.

… I feel thought of.

… I feel alive.

… I feel.

Smile

Its one of those days, when I've been thinking back over the last seven or eight years. Going through my photos on Facebook, trying to feel something about the journey I've made.

The one thing that has been constant, has been me smiling.

Smiling through all experiences.
Smiling through all my travels.
Smiling through all the times spent with loved ones... and others.
Smiling through the misunderstandings.
Smiling through the mistakes.
Smiling in success and in failure.
Smiling with family and friends.
Smiling no matter what the situation.
Smiling no matter what the emotion it was that I really felt.
Smiling through the sorrows along with the joys.
Smiling cause its all that I could really do.

But through it all, when I look back today... It is the one thing that stayed, didn't changed and no matter how hard I thought it was at that time, it is the one thing that pulled me through. Gave me more strength than I could imagine.

Smile through it all... Celebrate life and try not to pay heed to anything that gets you down. Its hard, but it helps... and try to be there, smiling for others, for everyone has an ongoing battle of their own.

Smile through it all... 

Logic and Emotion

So, I haven't really written in a long time, but there are certain things in my head that need to make their way out. Not sure how it helps, or even if it makes for a good read, but I guess I need to just get some thoughts out of my system.

Sometimes, life takes its own path... You feel like you're in control, but really, deep down, you know that the things happening around, the pace and everything is just, happening. You're merely 'going with the flow'. Not 'consciously' going with the flow... But just flowing.

Recently, I've made some changes to my life. I believe that they are for the best. I know that the changes I made were needed. Long over due rather. And finally, that I got the courage to do what I had to, and there was a HUGE change in energies around me. All around me. In the silliest and most amazing ways.

Normally, with everything in life, I am driving by emotion, but logic plays a huge factor and does prevail most times. Logic is good to have. I've been hearing that a lot lately. But when it comes to two people, I believe it can't be logical. Two people never fit 100%, logic doesn't always prevail when it comes to two people, their thoughts and emotions. Logically examined and thought through relationships cannot sustain themselves. There has to be a different factor driving it. Love! Love, as an emotion, is never really logical. Having said that, even if not a 100%, sometimes, somethings just fit. And not having an explanation for it, isn't such a bad thing.

I really needed a reminder of who I really am/was, and I recently got one in the most amazing manner.  I had kinda forgotten along the way over the past year and a half.

And now, I can't help but wonder about a few things...

What does one do when...

... You meet someone who reminds you so much of yourself.
... You know you're so different from each other, yet so alike.
... You know that there is something inexplainable in that bond.
... You feel an intense acceleration in 'your' evolution. Whether or not you want it.
... You feel like there was a purpose behind this crossing of paths.
... You have an eternal sense of knowing. Mind, body and soul.
... You feel like there is something unspeakably familiar and beautiful in your hearts.
... You have overly obnoxious levels of comfort in any and every sense.
... You feel peace and/or chaos at the same time.
... You know it wont be easy, but you seem to think it will be worth it.

What does one do...?

My best bet would be to go with the flow, be in the moment, no matter how hard it is to do that, and take it a step at a time. Logic tells me that! But really, everything is being driven by emotion... Right? :)

In the moment

I never thought I'd see this day,

Never thought I'd have to be this brave.

But now the time has come, 

To let go of the past and bring in some fun. 

Time to be thinking for me, 

Time to set me free. 

Its all about when and how, 

Life goes on, start living it now. 

Just remember, to always toast to good health

And always aways be honest with yourself.

Change, the need to embrace it with love.

It is amazing how unknown territory can really scare a person. But I suppose this is what meditation, yoga, reiki, chanting etc are trying to teach us. How not to get affected. Try and be centred through it all. Everything we do, everyone we meet, all the thoughts in our head, every moment that passes by, is a new chance, a new beginning, a new way to start afresh. We can chose and decide to behave in any manner we like, as long as we are cognisant of the fact that we are making those choices and decisions with our own will and fully aware of our actions. We must be willing to deal with the consequences that follow too... That is what helps us understand ourselves better.

Looking inward is just the start... It is the beginning to a world of possibilities... If we want it to be. Technically, there is no right and wrong, there is no black and white... but we need to find our own path and have our own sense of love, compassion, direction and it all...

There was a phase in my life where I was so at peace with myself and my surroundings that there was nothing anyone, other than my mother, could say or do  to disrupt that. Its amazing how easy it is to forget our ways to keep ourself centred. Its amazing how our surrounds can affect us to such a large extent. No one ever said that an inward, spiritual journey was going to be an easy one, but the leanings along the way are fabulous. Sometimes you see it all around you, and you're so hell bent on wanting to fix a situation or trying to help someone else go through a process of their own... we forget that it is THEIR process to go through. We've made a journey in a certain manner, others have to make their journey too.

Every journey is full of changes in many ways... we need to learn to embrace change with grace. Once we master that, life becomes a whole lot better. Again, its not easy, but it the only way.
Life is meant to be lived with nothing but love, hope, happiness and compassion... If that's not happening, we need to make a change... Since change is the only constant factor in our lives, it is not that hard to bring about change... It is one of the simplest things for us to do, because we are very used to it... But what holds us back is our fears. This can being me back to my point about how everything we do is stemmed out of two emotions, love and fear.

Back to the point I wanted to make... Change. No matter how good or bad it seems to be at the time, in the long run, we always look back and appreciate it. If there is one thing that life has taught me, change is constant and needs to be embraced with love else it will break you down with all the negative emotions you can imagine.

In the hope to be able to adapt forever more... and hoping to be spreading love, happiness, compassion and joy in small ways every day if nothing else. That's what keeps me going. Bringing a smile to others faces.