I know reality and I know how it all works.
Yet I find myself living in this dream world of my own.
I can stay in this state of imaginary living for as long as I want.
Snap into it and out of it as and when I like.
I have full control over it. It has no control over me.
I chose to move into it when I have something bothering me, most of the time.
When I feel that something could have been done differently and someone could have done something in another way. (Better that what was done already)
Its a place I'm happy. Things are just right.
Its a place where I'd like to be all the time.
Its a place where everything goes right.
A place where everything not right has the perfect explanation.
Its because of being mature at such a young age, that all this comes up.
Its a place where I get away from the harsh reality of life.
Its not that I don't know how the world and people around me work.
Its just that as we grow up we realise that the bubble of the perfect world we had, isn't perfect.
Its my way of relaxing my self.
A form of my own meditation.
Its an art I would like people to try. See how it suits them.
Its like tantric travelling one might say. :)
Some people travel to places on the earth via that.
I travel to a different world all together.
Its like a parallel world to what we live in now.
Its a trait for people of my sun sign to me dreamers. Its a speciality.
We do it the best. It really helps.
My advice to all .. try it!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The First Person I See Every Morning!
This is something I wrote a while back!
Felt like adding it on here!
Considering the fact that I live alone... And have been for the past 6 years now. The first person I see every morning is … ME! I wake up every morning, and see myself in the mirror when I get to brushing my teeth! (Being the first thing I do! Gosh that morning breath!)
If that is not considered as the first person I see every morning then I don’t know who is. I get out of my building and walk down the street. See the same face of the house porters and people washing the cars. Walk or take a taxi to the spot I’m supposed to be picked up by a friend of mine. So really apart from me… there is no constant person I see every morning.
Some people have their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives that they wake up to (some of them don’t want to be waking up to the other!), some people have their pets to wake up to, some people have their mothers screaming and shouting to wake them up! I have the pleasure of waking up to my phone… my alarm clock which happens to be The Mask of Zorro dance song! You know everyone has their morning rituals as they wake up… From scratching their ass to picking their nose! Stretching in bed and yawning the ‘good bye sleep yawn!’ Mine would be hitting the damn snooze button! I think sleep is something that I love! To the extent that there are times I’ll call in sick just to get a few extra hours! (Shush… that’s totally supposed to be between us!) After hitting the button enough and over sleeping my extra time, one will see me jump out of bed and run to the bathroom! Brush my teeth… sit on the pot … jump into the shower and get dressed at superman speed! My track record of being ready in less than 17 minutes!
Anyhow… On that note, I shall take my leave… and leave you with this… If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.
Felt like adding it on here!
Considering the fact that I live alone... And have been for the past 6 years now. The first person I see every morning is … ME! I wake up every morning, and see myself in the mirror when I get to brushing my teeth! (Being the first thing I do! Gosh that morning breath!)
If that is not considered as the first person I see every morning then I don’t know who is. I get out of my building and walk down the street. See the same face of the house porters and people washing the cars. Walk or take a taxi to the spot I’m supposed to be picked up by a friend of mine. So really apart from me… there is no constant person I see every morning.
Some people have their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives that they wake up to (some of them don’t want to be waking up to the other!), some people have their pets to wake up to, some people have their mothers screaming and shouting to wake them up! I have the pleasure of waking up to my phone… my alarm clock which happens to be The Mask of Zorro dance song! You know everyone has their morning rituals as they wake up… From scratching their ass to picking their nose! Stretching in bed and yawning the ‘good bye sleep yawn!’ Mine would be hitting the damn snooze button! I think sleep is something that I love! To the extent that there are times I’ll call in sick just to get a few extra hours! (Shush… that’s totally supposed to be between us!) After hitting the button enough and over sleeping my extra time, one will see me jump out of bed and run to the bathroom! Brush my teeth… sit on the pot … jump into the shower and get dressed at superman speed! My track record of being ready in less than 17 minutes!
Anyhow… On that note, I shall take my leave… and leave you with this… If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.
When Love is in the Air....
I was sitting with the family the other day.
This side of my family is very fond of shear o shayeri...
My uncle had just started off with one shaere which hit me...
It goes something like this...
* Hum tumhe jabse chahne lage hai,
Sabhi dost lagne poorane lage hai.
Hum tumhe jabse chahne lage hai,
Sabhi dost lagne poorane lage hai.
Kitna Haseen hai yeh mohobbat ka aalam,
Humhi se bhi humko churane lage hai.
Unki hi muskaan ka yeh asar hai,
Unki hi muskaan ka yeh asar hai,
Ki mehfil main sab muskurane lage hai!
If I translate this, it reads...
**Ever since I started to love you,
All my friends seem old to me now.
How beautiful is this feeling of love,
That I'm being stolen away from my own self.
This is the doing of their smile,
That everyone around has also started smiling.
(Please excuse the fact that the translation is not perfect. The ghazal kind of looses its charm once translated. But hearing it in urdu just rang a bell.)
I stopped and thought to myself... 'How true'
Love doesn't ask you before stepping into your life.
Love doesn't say I'll pop by if you're free. It hits you and you don't know when, where, how, when, what happened.
And this is exactly what you feel. You just want to be with the one you love. Anything you do together excites you. But if you have to do things without the other... You don't mind taking a pass at it.
All the time spent with friends seems to be great but would be even better if you could get to spend it with that special someone.
You smile at the though of the person. You smile at all the memories... You smile at the sight or the person. You and the surroundings totally cheer up at one sight of the person. You're genuinely happy from inside... Shining and glowing. And it shows.. and the happiness gets passed around. You're aura is soo bright that it affects the others around you!
Its a great feeling, being in love. Some people dont ever get to experience it. They think that the life they are living and how they are going about the relations they have in life is love. They never experienced it so what life holds for them they carry on with thinking this is how it should go.
Not every one is fortunate enough to be blessed with true love!
Love has different forms. You can make it grow. But that's when you're finding love, or thinking that you've found love...
I just want to say... its not about the thinking. Love comes and finds you... and when it does... you just know it! There is no thinking about it, there is no doubt in your mind, there is no two ways... YOU KNOW you've been hit. It hits you, not the other way round.
Okay I think that's enough. But I would like to share two more ghazals my uncle wrote which I really really love.
* Koi na pooche hame ishq main kya hashar hota hai,
Koi na pooche hame ishq main kya hashar hota hai,
Pakad ke sholay koi dekhe, kya asar hota hai.
Hum hai bechain khabar unko khuda hai ki nahi,
Hum hai bechain khabar unko khuda hai ki nahi,
Sun to rakha tha ki yeh dard dono taraf hota hai!
**No one ask me what happens to one in love,
Have you ever tried to hold burning coal ans see what happens to one?
I am so uneasy and impatient and anxious, do they know I wonder?
I've heard this pain and feeling tends to happen on both sides!
And the last one...
* Baat karte ho bhool jaane ki,
Baat karte ho bhool jaane ki,
Ada haseen hai yeh aazmaane ki.
Cheer kar dil dikha nahi sakta,
Warna kya baat thi chupane ne?
** translation to follow soon! I just have to make sure my translation is right of this one :)
This side of my family is very fond of shear o shayeri...
My uncle had just started off with one shaere which hit me...
It goes something like this...
* Hum tumhe jabse chahne lage hai,
Sabhi dost lagne poorane lage hai.
Hum tumhe jabse chahne lage hai,
Sabhi dost lagne poorane lage hai.
Kitna Haseen hai yeh mohobbat ka aalam,
Humhi se bhi humko churane lage hai.
Unki hi muskaan ka yeh asar hai,
Unki hi muskaan ka yeh asar hai,
Ki mehfil main sab muskurane lage hai!
If I translate this, it reads...
**Ever since I started to love you,
All my friends seem old to me now.
How beautiful is this feeling of love,
That I'm being stolen away from my own self.
This is the doing of their smile,
That everyone around has also started smiling.
(Please excuse the fact that the translation is not perfect. The ghazal kind of looses its charm once translated. But hearing it in urdu just rang a bell.)
I stopped and thought to myself... 'How true'
Love doesn't ask you before stepping into your life.
Love doesn't say I'll pop by if you're free. It hits you and you don't know when, where, how, when, what happened.
And this is exactly what you feel. You just want to be with the one you love. Anything you do together excites you. But if you have to do things without the other... You don't mind taking a pass at it.
All the time spent with friends seems to be great but would be even better if you could get to spend it with that special someone.
You smile at the though of the person. You smile at all the memories... You smile at the sight or the person. You and the surroundings totally cheer up at one sight of the person. You're genuinely happy from inside... Shining and glowing. And it shows.. and the happiness gets passed around. You're aura is soo bright that it affects the others around you!
Its a great feeling, being in love. Some people dont ever get to experience it. They think that the life they are living and how they are going about the relations they have in life is love. They never experienced it so what life holds for them they carry on with thinking this is how it should go.
Not every one is fortunate enough to be blessed with true love!
Love has different forms. You can make it grow. But that's when you're finding love, or thinking that you've found love...
I just want to say... its not about the thinking. Love comes and finds you... and when it does... you just know it! There is no thinking about it, there is no doubt in your mind, there is no two ways... YOU KNOW you've been hit. It hits you, not the other way round.
Okay I think that's enough. But I would like to share two more ghazals my uncle wrote which I really really love.
* Koi na pooche hame ishq main kya hashar hota hai,
Koi na pooche hame ishq main kya hashar hota hai,
Pakad ke sholay koi dekhe, kya asar hota hai.
Hum hai bechain khabar unko khuda hai ki nahi,
Hum hai bechain khabar unko khuda hai ki nahi,
Sun to rakha tha ki yeh dard dono taraf hota hai!
**No one ask me what happens to one in love,
Have you ever tried to hold burning coal ans see what happens to one?
I am so uneasy and impatient and anxious, do they know I wonder?
I've heard this pain and feeling tends to happen on both sides!
And the last one...
* Baat karte ho bhool jaane ki,
Baat karte ho bhool jaane ki,
Ada haseen hai yeh aazmaane ki.
Cheer kar dil dikha nahi sakta,
Warna kya baat thi chupane ne?
** translation to follow soon! I just have to make sure my translation is right of this one :)
Monday, October 1, 2007
Stronger than me...
I love that you're strong... Stronger than me... I acknowledge that fact...
I know that I'm the strong independent person, but what I really want is to be taken care of. I want to come back home at the end of the day, lie in the arms of the man I love and feel like I'm safe. Taken care of and loved and pampered.
Thought I had you, but I don't... Lets see where life takes me and who it brings.
I know that I'm the strong independent person, but what I really want is to be taken care of. I want to come back home at the end of the day, lie in the arms of the man I love and feel like I'm safe. Taken care of and loved and pampered.
Thought I had you, but I don't... Lets see where life takes me and who it brings.
How do I know you?
There have been times when you meet some people in your life and you just click!
I recently came across one such person who I felt like I relate to on every level.
I am reminded of me when I talk to her and hear her speak.
Like she happened to say that we have to have some sort of deep connection (past life even) to have connected soo soon and so much!
I just want to acknowledge this new presence in my life.
Thank you for being you... I'm grateful I met you!
*Big HUGE hug and kiss*
I recently came across one such person who I felt like I relate to on every level.
I am reminded of me when I talk to her and hear her speak.
Like she happened to say that we have to have some sort of deep connection (past life even) to have connected soo soon and so much!
I just want to acknowledge this new presence in my life.
Thank you for being you... I'm grateful I met you!
*Big HUGE hug and kiss*
Sunday, September 30, 2007
I Figuered IT Out.... Quater Life Crisis!
I figured it out!!!
Actually... I recently read something that clicked in my head.
Helps me know what's going on with me right now.
All of us who are twenty something go through this. Some early some late.
The whole feeling of confusion and the unknown is but natural.
I am going to write on the same basis of what I read but make it in accordance to me.
Me starting to realise that there are many things about myself that I didn't know. So much that I can manage and bare.
The feeling of insecurity and the question of where I will be in a year or two. Its the first time in my life I do not have an answer to these questions.
Then getting scared because I barely know where I stand now.
I start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
Also, the people who you meet, the new friends may be blessings in disguise. Everyone has lives and time stops for no one. So one must be open to people and experiences.
Yes of course then there are those friends who are there no matter what. Through it all. If not physically, then in every other way.
What I didn't recognize (at that time) is that they (my friends) are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.
I look at my job.... 'doing nothing' :) ... Its not what I thought I would have been doing as of right now in my life.
I start looking for a job and realize that you I'm going to have to start all over again, and that sort of scares me. And the thought kind of even tires me.
I go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because I cannot seem to make a decision.
One minute, I am insecure and then the next, secure. I laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. I am going through extremes.
Yes I feel alone and scared and confused. I was made to realise that change in the enemy. There is a part of me that tried to cling onto the past. But then I know this is not the way to go. The past will keep drifting away slowly. I know I have to move forward, which I'm trying to do bit by bit. I don't really mind staying in the moment that I am in either. I know I can't for too long though.
Also the realization that change is not really the enemy... Its for the better.
I broke my own heart and wonder how I let myself get into that situation which I have avoided my whole life. I gave it thought and because of the practical logical thinking that I go by, I have learned to let go of the past and move on.
Yes I know I will love again. It might be knocking on my door just now for all I know. :)
One-night-stands and random hook-ups have never really appealed to me. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot doesn't really happen.
I worry about money, the future, what life has in store... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
Its like they say God has everything worked out for you. I don't want to know what life has in store for me, but getting a heads up sometimes doesn't hurt! :)
In my way. I wanted to prove to myself, that I'd be able to stand on my own two feet and be able to take care of myself. I did more. I managed myself, my life and took care of others. It as like running one big family. In every way.
I did it earlier than I thought I would....
But what next is what I wonder about..
Its trying to figure out the good times and the bad...
AS you can see... This 'quarter life crisis', is a good thing... I have managed to get my head straight on a lot of things... and some are yet to go.
Yes its a stage we all go through and yes its annoying being lost, but like I believe ... we go through things in life for particular reasons...
We all do... So go with it and see which path you have to be on.
We're all in the same boat.. All the twenty somethings that we are.
Actually... I recently read something that clicked in my head.
Helps me know what's going on with me right now.
All of us who are twenty something go through this. Some early some late.
The whole feeling of confusion and the unknown is but natural.
I am going to write on the same basis of what I read but make it in accordance to me.
Me starting to realise that there are many things about myself that I didn't know. So much that I can manage and bare.
The feeling of insecurity and the question of where I will be in a year or two. Its the first time in my life I do not have an answer to these questions.
Then getting scared because I barely know where I stand now.
I start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
Also, the people who you meet, the new friends may be blessings in disguise. Everyone has lives and time stops for no one. So one must be open to people and experiences.
Yes of course then there are those friends who are there no matter what. Through it all. If not physically, then in every other way.
What I didn't recognize (at that time) is that they (my friends) are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.
I look at my job.... 'doing nothing' :) ... Its not what I thought I would have been doing as of right now in my life.
I start looking for a job and realize that you I'm going to have to start all over again, and that sort of scares me. And the thought kind of even tires me.
I go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because I cannot seem to make a decision.
One minute, I am insecure and then the next, secure. I laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. I am going through extremes.
Yes I feel alone and scared and confused. I was made to realise that change in the enemy. There is a part of me that tried to cling onto the past. But then I know this is not the way to go. The past will keep drifting away slowly. I know I have to move forward, which I'm trying to do bit by bit. I don't really mind staying in the moment that I am in either. I know I can't for too long though.
Also the realization that change is not really the enemy... Its for the better.
I broke my own heart and wonder how I let myself get into that situation which I have avoided my whole life. I gave it thought and because of the practical logical thinking that I go by, I have learned to let go of the past and move on.
Yes I know I will love again. It might be knocking on my door just now for all I know. :)
One-night-stands and random hook-ups have never really appealed to me. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot doesn't really happen.
I worry about money, the future, what life has in store... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
Its like they say God has everything worked out for you. I don't want to know what life has in store for me, but getting a heads up sometimes doesn't hurt! :)
In my way. I wanted to prove to myself, that I'd be able to stand on my own two feet and be able to take care of myself. I did more. I managed myself, my life and took care of others. It as like running one big family. In every way.
I did it earlier than I thought I would....
But what next is what I wonder about..
Its trying to figure out the good times and the bad...
AS you can see... This 'quarter life crisis', is a good thing... I have managed to get my head straight on a lot of things... and some are yet to go.
Yes its a stage we all go through and yes its annoying being lost, but like I believe ... we go through things in life for particular reasons...
We all do... So go with it and see which path you have to be on.
We're all in the same boat.. All the twenty somethings that we are.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Just something I have to mention... I'M NOT LOONEY! :)
Okayyyyy!! That's enough senti shenti for now.. :)
I've been off on a tangent... and I just want to say I'm not generally like this!
I'm just goin through wierd phases... Which shall die out in time...
I am a happy person.. Dont think I'm not... lol...
YES I AM NORMAL....
NO I'M NOT A NUTTER :D
just to state... LOL
Ok.. now I need a beer!
;)
I've been off on a tangent... and I just want to say I'm not generally like this!
I'm just goin through wierd phases... Which shall die out in time...
I am a happy person.. Dont think I'm not... lol...
YES I AM NORMAL....
NO I'M NOT A NUTTER :D
just to state... LOL
Ok.. now I need a beer!
;)
I Am Loved....
Just a little while ago,
It seemed like 1994 or before,
Things were so bright and sunny,
I was happy as a pappy at home like a bunny.
I felt loved all the time,
No matter how high the tides,
It made me feel good,
And I was a happy young lassie.
As I grow up life teaches me so,
That growing up is not all that I thought,
Not all that I know.
I've been through the good,
I've been through the bad,
Learned the harsh truth of life,
With every experience I've had.
Now where I stand,
I can say for sure,
That no matter what happens,
No matter what... I AM Loved....
Yes there may be times,
When the world seems to be the worst place to be,
Yes there may be times,
When I just don't want you to be heard or seen.
But then I look around,
And realise...
We worry for the one's we love,
We want to see them happy.
No matter what we do,
And how we do it,
Its all to get a smile,
Which might take less than a minute.
I'm grateful for the life I lead,
Grateful for all I meet,
I know I'm loved no matter what,
And don't need to have it shown to know it.
At the same time,
I must say,
I love each and everyone,
Who crosses me and my way.
No matter how long or short I know them,
I will be there from the start till the end of it.
I will stand by you through the good and the bad,
As you do for the one's you love.
SO this is to let you all know....
I know you love me...
And always know...
That I love you with all my might and more!
It seemed like 1994 or before,
Things were so bright and sunny,
I was happy as a pappy at home like a bunny.
I felt loved all the time,
No matter how high the tides,
It made me feel good,
And I was a happy young lassie.
As I grow up life teaches me so,
That growing up is not all that I thought,
Not all that I know.
I've been through the good,
I've been through the bad,
Learned the harsh truth of life,
With every experience I've had.
Now where I stand,
I can say for sure,
That no matter what happens,
No matter what... I AM Loved....
Yes there may be times,
When the world seems to be the worst place to be,
Yes there may be times,
When I just don't want you to be heard or seen.
But then I look around,
And realise...
We worry for the one's we love,
We want to see them happy.
No matter what we do,
And how we do it,
Its all to get a smile,
Which might take less than a minute.
I'm grateful for the life I lead,
Grateful for all I meet,
I know I'm loved no matter what,
And don't need to have it shown to know it.
At the same time,
I must say,
I love each and everyone,
Who crosses me and my way.
No matter how long or short I know them,
I will be there from the start till the end of it.
I will stand by you through the good and the bad,
As you do for the one's you love.
SO this is to let you all know....
I know you love me...
And always know...
That I love you with all my might and more!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Brief Moment of Pain....
You are someone who's known me the longest... yet you know soo little...
You are the one I look upto... yet you make me feel ever so small...
You are the one I love and respect... yet you hurt me by saying things...
You are the one who wants the best for me... yet you're not ready to listen to support me to something that might bring me happiness...
You are the one who wants things as of yesterday... yet you can't do the same for me...
You are the one who loves me unconditionally... yet doesn't have the patience for me...
You over bar me... you bring out my dark side...
I need you to understand... that its time to let go...
its time you see my point of view... Its time you let me make my own mistakes...
There are so many negatives in this equation... 2:1 never worked well for me...
but unconditionally I love you still.
You are the one I look upto... yet you make me feel ever so small...
You are the one I love and respect... yet you hurt me by saying things...
You are the one who wants the best for me... yet you're not ready to listen to support me to something that might bring me happiness...
You are the one who wants things as of yesterday... yet you can't do the same for me...
You are the one who loves me unconditionally... yet doesn't have the patience for me...
You over bar me... you bring out my dark side...
I need you to understand... that its time to let go...
its time you see my point of view... Its time you let me make my own mistakes...
There are so many negatives in this equation... 2:1 never worked well for me...
but unconditionally I love you still.
Feelings..!
Its funny... Life takes us through SO many things... SO many feelings... So many experiences....
Just all the different things I go through in a day.. just a small example!
Yes I'm loony! :)
I feel SO good... I went to India Gate today...to show a friend around... the weather was beautiful.. the walk was nice... I missed the feeling I got when i was there... I wanted to have an ice cream... Wanted to walk barefoot on the grass... didn't get a chance though! :(
I feel SO good... spontaneously I went and decided I wanted to put mehendi ( henna ) on my hands... Something I haven't done in forever more. Happiest ever! :)
Heard Arabic music after a month and something... Brought back memories I'm trying to forget... Didn't make me sad... Made me think back. Not something I want to do.
Watched the Simpson's movie... LOVE the brainless watch...
Got gutted at hearing a few things my mother had to tell me. Just felt terribly hopeless... the tears couldn't stop ... I couldn't help them from falling right down my cheeks...
Felt calm when I went to meet some family friends... Just two hours of sitting and talking to them... Them feeling happy that I was there to see them made me happy. All they want is someone to come and visit them .. and all I want is to see them happy.
I was talking to a friend and I realised how much this person makes me happy. How strange this connection that we have is... We're doing it all to keep each other happy....
I felt missed... :) Its a good feeling...
Just a quick brief, of a few of the feelings I go through on a normal basis...
Anyone ever given a thought to their feelings in their day??
Just all the different things I go through in a day.. just a small example!
Yes I'm loony! :)
I feel SO good... I went to India Gate today...to show a friend around... the weather was beautiful.. the walk was nice... I missed the feeling I got when i was there... I wanted to have an ice cream... Wanted to walk barefoot on the grass... didn't get a chance though! :(
I feel SO good... spontaneously I went and decided I wanted to put mehendi ( henna ) on my hands... Something I haven't done in forever more. Happiest ever! :)
Heard Arabic music after a month and something... Brought back memories I'm trying to forget... Didn't make me sad... Made me think back. Not something I want to do.
Watched the Simpson's movie... LOVE the brainless watch...
Got gutted at hearing a few things my mother had to tell me. Just felt terribly hopeless... the tears couldn't stop ... I couldn't help them from falling right down my cheeks...
Felt calm when I went to meet some family friends... Just two hours of sitting and talking to them... Them feeling happy that I was there to see them made me happy. All they want is someone to come and visit them .. and all I want is to see them happy.
I was talking to a friend and I realised how much this person makes me happy. How strange this connection that we have is... We're doing it all to keep each other happy....
I felt missed... :) Its a good feeling...
Just a quick brief, of a few of the feelings I go through on a normal basis...
Anyone ever given a thought to their feelings in their day??
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