I had similar thoughts 10 years ago, and I had penned them down then. Now, I am going to attempt to do the same again. I can clearly see the shift, both in life and in me 😊
A real lasting relationship, any real relationship, requires a lot of tolerance. No one is perfect, but who are you are willing to face disappointments, pains and imperfections with? The real question is whether you are ready to navigate the ups and downs together, because that's just a part of it.
Loving is recognising that life is precious and limited. We need to make the most of our time with the ones we love and cherish. It may seems like life is long, but it truly is fleeting.
Crossing the 40 mark really does make you re-evaluate a lot. Life has been lived a fair bit, and we outgrown various versions of the 'self'. I sure as hell am not who I was a year ago even, let alone a decade ago! So, I'm here to pen down a few thoughts I've had, and use it as a medium to lay the ground work for what lies ahead in life and love.
I am feeling aligned with my inner child, embracing vulnerability and a bright-eyed perspective.
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I will start with love, because, of course I will... It's me! :D
In any relationship, except the ones you can't change, the want or the desire is simply love. Not the transactional kind, nor one where you have to prove your worth to earn it. I'm talking about real love, where earning it isn't part of the equation, and it doesn't feel like work. It should exist as the baseline for everything we do.
In my connections, I look for consistency. I want reliability from those who show up for me, just as I do for them. Good morning texts to let you know you're being thought of. Follow throughs that show commitment. I have dealt with many disappointments in life, and I am pretty done with making room for anything less than a resounding FUCK YEAH. No time for maybes.
I want emotional intelligence. I seek people who can regulate their emotions, ask questions, read the room, and effectively communicate through troubled waters. I value honesty, those who can hold space for me when needed, and stand by me when the going gets tough, reminding me that it's okay, and I will always get through.
I want affection; Physical, emotional and mental. I want to be held, I want to receive hugs and kisses, to hear 'I'm proud of you', I want it all, without having to ask for it.
I want Peace. I want to come home to calm energy, not chaos. I want relationships that feel like a safe harbor, not another storm to weather. No drama, no guessing... just the path of least resistance, as I say these days. A home that feels like quiet joy.
I want protection. Physical, emotional and mental. I want to be unmasked with my people, where my vulnerabilities are respected, not mocked or misunderstood. I seek relationships that shield me from unnecessary stress and drama, rather than adding to it.
I want understanding - specifically of my independence. My independence in not rejection; it is survival. When I finally let my guard down, its a gift, not a given. (This makes me think more about modern relationships, but I'll get back to that later)
I want honesty. No games, no weaponised silence, no pretences. I want clear communication, calling a spade a spade without mincing of words. I grew up constantly second guessing myself, and I refuse to invite that back into my life.
I want intention. If you're not serious, don't even start. Life is too short for wasting time. I want people who are purposeful in their actions, who know where they are going and want me alongside them. No games, no guessing, just clarity.
Having stated all my wants as, there are a few more thoughts I have journeyed with over the years. :)
I have always been told that independence is important, and I truly get it. However, I have also seen, how couples who depend on each other, can feel safer taking risks that propel them forward. This definitely helps establish and create a greater sense of security and emotional resilience. We can navigate life alone if that's our path, but biologically, we're not meant to go through this alone. Safe relationships are the foundation of emotional resilience, helping us shift out of fight-or-flight mode and enhance our sense of calmness, security and well being.
I am someone who cares deeply, but caring deeply can someone be misunderstood as codependency. It is not the same. Wanting a connection, is not codependency. Relationships, in any form, are complex and imperfect, but they are the foundation of and are essential for our growth.
People with strong relationships, often find their way. Myself included.
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