Does Anyone Know?

Here I am so far away,
In a place that I call home.
But yet I feel such a heartache,
With what's in store tomorrow, unknown.

Here I stand at a point in my life,
Where some crucial decisions lie.
And events everyday, being thrown my way,
Make me as confused as a mixed fruit pie.

Here I lay on my bed,
Lost in thoughts of yesterday.
Yearning for those days all over again,
Hoping those days were TODAY.

Come to think of it,
I am always looking forward to being here.
But every time I come along,
After the grace period is the time I fear.

I know a bunch of people,
Who know how to handle me well.
But there is another set of people,
Who seem to be lost as HELL.

They think that they know me well,
But little do they know.
That I have changed so much,
That it will take a long time for them to see or me to show.

There comes a point in every one's lives,
Where they don't know how its going to go.
But yet they take that big huge leap,
Jumping into the unknown.
You kind of think you have a clue,
As to how your tomorrow will go...
All you can do it pray and try your best,
To keep your path the same as before.
I know over time people change,
And paths might change too.
But that we see when we get to it.
And for 'now' not feel like we're in a ZOO!

Family

Where I come from,
The word family doesn't only mean your parents or brothers and sisters. For us, in our culture our cousins, parents cousins, parents aunt's and uncle's and so on and so forth are all family. I don't really know why I am writing this ... But I guess there are somethings that I need to get out.

My family is like,
Any other big Indian house hold.
From uncle's to aunt's and everyone else,
Have to say what they think has to be told.

It's so easy to make comments,
Its so easy to pass the blame.
But when it comes down to actuality,
To them it's all one big game.

'I am always there for you',
Is a line frequently used.
But whenever I am in dire needs,
There are other methods that I need to abuse.

I shouldn't be looking out for help,
It should come without being asked for.
Like I have been taught,
And like it has been done in my house from BEFORE.

As you grow older day by day,
This tangled web unwinds.
The 'happy family' picture we have as kids,
Slowly is lost from our minds.

The complications, the useless gossip,
Jumping to conclusions and all other talks,
Is a way of life it seems,
To keep everyone busy, everyone with or without jobs.

How they seem to interested in your life,
When all they really want to do,
Is tear you under the microscope piece by piece,
And pass their own judgement upon you.

But when it comes down to them and their lives,
Life is all about the hush hush and the down low.
Did they ever wonder if they were in the spot light,
As people would they grow?

I don't write this because I hate them or am upset,
contrary to thought I love them so.
No matter what, no matter when or where...
My beloved family is still my very own.

The problem that exits is big,
But the good thing is that I know,
With parents who are such great examples,
People living up to that standard is a NO NO.

I thank my stars everyday,
For the parents that I have.
Not only are they the best parents,
But also they are gods quality A brand.

Sometimes they get confused,
When they get lost in pools of opinions.
But eventually they make it through,
As though being woken up by the smell of sharp burning onions!

I guess this is my form of release,
And this is how I let go.
Of all the stupid things that go on,
And make me want to blow.

Fragile.

Yes its me who breaks down in tears,
For everything I feel; including my fears.
This is my form of release,
Without this, I cannot be at peace.
People tend to think I'm silly, just because I cry.
But they don't really see what's in me...
They might never,
Maybe not even after I die.
Crying helps me let go of it all,
Instead of holding on.
Makes me forget and forgive,
And move further on.
People who think that I am fragile...
Do you think you know me at all?
Because if you did you would never think,
To relate this to my soul.
Knowing me is not important,
For you I have a wish...
Know yourself and be happy,
And swim through life like a fish.

I know the last few posts have all been on the same lines... but I have been in that phase where this is all I want to write!
:)
So please bare with me!

Change...

As I look back in time... I realize,
How things change all around.

Be it in the house you live or even the street,
Or all those people who now you don't want to meet.

You know you do your best,
To keep everyone happy.
But still you feel that you failed the test,
And in return feel really crappy.

I know my verses sound childlike,
But honestly I say...
Its my way to deal with reality,
Which is changing everyday.

I'm not the kinda who blames it all,
On everyone else around.
But sometime it hurts when responsibility is up for grabs,
And nobody stands out of the crowd.

Sometimes I feel I'm being petty,
Letting it all get out of hand.
But then I see all that I did and feel...
'ts not that much that demand.'

All I ask for is a little time or even just a call.
To remind us of times we had be it summer, winter or fall.

I wonder if you realise,
Why I ask you for your time?
Do you ever wonder,
How I managed to survive all that time?

IT was our memories that kept me strong...
All those years I was away.
Even thought sometimes you made me feel,
Like a needle in hay.

I know you guys love me still,
Like I love you too
But I guess we have grown up and 'changed',
And somehow don't have a clue.

As I look back in time... I realize,
How things change all around.
Its a process we all go through...
The end of which is yet to be found.

To Me You Are MY ALL...

The 4 of you were by my side,
The laughter, tears, the whole ride,
I never thought that I would feel this way,
So lost without you, that I cannot say.
I miss the stupidity, the 'low down' phase,
The long aimless drives,
And the ruckus we raised.

D you are to me my all,
Without you, I wouldn't have grown.
You have always been supportive and by my side,
For that, by your way I will always abide!

G you are to me my all,
A friend, a daughter, a sister and more.
I know we have seen some rought times,
But between us that changes NOTHING at all.

S you are to me my all,
A friend, my fool and of course my score.
Seeing you upset can bring me down,
I always wish for you a cheer and never a frown!

A to me you are my all,
If not for you I was not me at ALL.
You came and changed my life so,
Without you how I would have gotten by...
I will never know!

I'm feeling... I don't really know what I'm feeling...!

I decided now that I have the time... I'm going to fill in my blog spot!

Just a glimpse of what is on my mind as of now!

Here I am sitting in my own house... Something I have been looking forward to do in SO long now...
In my room, in my house... with my dog... and the girls...
But something just doesn't feel right...

Something is either different or missing. I can't quite put my finger on it.
I don't know if I am feeling scared, upset, happy.... I really for once don't know...!

There are SO many things to look forward to.. and I am really happy to be back here.. (i think!) But still I feel like there is something missing...

What part of me have I lost of misplaced.. That's making me feel lost in my own territory...
Has it been that long that I feel like this is not mine anymore...??
Or is it just that its been SO long and change always brings strange feelings along with it...
????

Anyhow... Just something on my mind... and the time to pen it down!
:)

YOU...

... Have put up with my grumpiness more than anyone outside my family...
... Are Family...
... Make driving aimlessly a pleasure...
... Are the only one who takes my shit and makes me feel like nothing happened...
... Never answer the phone...!! :P
... Will always be my pillow...
... Are and always will be my bandar...
... Are the one person I feel the need to see almost everyday...
... I miss as though I've lost myself...
... Are my Yin...
... I get mad at in seconds...
... Are someone I can't be mad at for more than a second!
... Are the only one who'll miss my hamada! :P ...
... The only one who LOVES my stubborness...
... Are as stubborn as me, and I totally adore that...
... Have the best hugs ever that always make me feel secure...
... Spoil me to the max...
... Are always looking out for me...
... Always know when something is wrong...
... Always know and remember things that make me feel good...
... Always go out of your way to do things you can really do without (for me)
... Always make a note of the small things... that matter...
... Always know that most of the time... a hug is all I need...
... Come at 1am just to say 'hi' cause we haven't seen each other in 2 days!...
... Look at me and it makes me feel like everything will be alright...
... Have faith in me more than I have in myself...
... Will probably not know how to reply to this post,
But you will love me with all your might...

... And I literally love you more!