I Figuered IT Out.... Quater Life Crisis!

I figured it out!!!
Actually... I recently read something that clicked in my head.
Helps me know what's going on with me right now.
All of us who are twenty something go through this. Some early some late.
The whole feeling of confusion and the unknown is but natural.

I am going to write on the same basis of what I read but make it in accordance to me.

Me starting to realise that there are many things about myself that I didn't know. So much that I can manage and bare.

The feeling of insecurity and the question of where I will be in a year or two. Its the first time in my life I do not have an answer to these questions.
Then getting scared because I barely know where I stand now.

I start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
Also, the people who you meet, the new friends may be blessings in disguise. Everyone has lives and time stops for no one. So one must be open to people and experiences.
Yes of course then there are those friends who are there no matter what. Through it all. If not physically, then in every other way.
What I didn't recognize (at that time) is that they (my friends) are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.

I look at my job.... 'doing nothing' :) ... Its not what I thought I would have been doing as of right now in my life.
I start looking for a job and realize that you I'm going to have to start all over again, and that sort of scares me. And the thought kind of even tires me.
I go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because I cannot seem to make a decision.

One minute, I am insecure and then the next, secure. I laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. I am going through extremes.

Yes I feel alone and scared and confused. I was made to realise that change in the enemy. There is a part of me that tried to cling onto the past. But then I know this is not the way to go. The past will keep drifting away slowly. I know I have to move forward, which I'm trying to do bit by bit. I don't really mind staying in the moment that I am in either. I know I can't for too long though.
Also the realization that change is not really the enemy... Its for the better.

I broke my own heart and wonder how I let myself get into that situation which I have avoided my whole life. I gave it thought and because of the practical logical thinking that I go by, I have learned to let go of the past and move on.
Yes I know I will love again. It might be knocking on my door just now for all I know. :)
One-night-stands and random hook-ups have never really appealed to me. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot doesn't really happen.

I worry about money, the future, what life has in store... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
Its like they say God has everything worked out for you. I don't want to know what life has in store for me, but getting a heads up sometimes doesn't hurt! :)
In my way. I wanted to prove to myself, that I'd be able to stand on my own two feet and be able to take care of myself. I did more. I managed myself, my life and took care of others. It as like running one big family. In every way.
I did it earlier than I thought I would....
But what next is what I wonder about..

Its trying to figure out the good times and the bad...

AS you can see... This 'quarter life crisis', is a good thing... I have managed to get my head straight on a lot of things... and some are yet to go.
Yes its a stage we all go through and yes its annoying being lost, but like I believe ... we go through things in life for particular reasons...
We all do... So go with it and see which path you have to be on.

We're all in the same boat.. All the twenty somethings that we are.

Just something I have to mention... I'M NOT LOONEY! :)

Okayyyyy!! That's enough senti shenti for now.. :)
I've been off on a tangent... and I just want to say I'm not generally like this!
I'm just goin through wierd phases... Which shall die out in time...
I am a happy person.. Dont think I'm not... lol...

YES I AM NORMAL....
NO I'M NOT A NUTTER :D
just to state... LOL

Ok.. now I need a beer!
;)

I Am Loved....

Just a little while ago,
It seemed like 1994 or before,
Things were so bright and sunny,
I was happy as a pappy at home like a bunny.

I felt loved all the time,
No matter how high the tides,
It made me feel good,
And I was a happy young lassie.

As I grow up life teaches me so,
That growing up is not all that I thought,
Not all that I know.

I've been through the good,
I've been through the bad,
Learned the harsh truth of life,
With every experience I've had.

Now where I stand,
I can say for sure,
That no matter what happens,
No matter what... I AM Loved....

Yes there may be times,
When the world seems to be the worst place to be,
Yes there may be times,
When I just don't want you to be heard or seen.

But then I look around,
And realise...
We worry for the one's we love,
We want to see them happy.

No matter what we do,
And how we do it,
Its all to get a smile,
Which might take less than a minute.

I'm grateful for the life I lead,
Grateful for all I meet,
I know I'm loved no matter what,
And don't need to have it shown to know it.

At the same time,
I must say,
I love each and everyone,
Who crosses me and my way.

No matter how long or short I know them,
I will be there from the start till the end of it.
I will stand by you through the good and the bad,
As you do for the one's you love.

SO this is to let you all know....
I know you love me...
And always know...
That I love you with all my might and more!

Brief Moment of Pain....

You are someone who's known me the longest... yet you know soo little...
You are the one I look upto... yet you make me feel ever so small...
You are the one I love and respect... yet you hurt me by saying things...
You are the one who wants the best for me... yet you're not ready to listen to support me to something that might bring me happiness...
You are the one who wants things as of yesterday... yet you can't do the same for me...
You are the one who loves me unconditionally... yet doesn't have the patience for me...
You over bar me... you bring out my dark side...
I need you to understand... that its time to let go...
its time you see my point of view... Its time you let me make my own mistakes...
There are so many negatives in this equation... 2:1 never worked well for me...
but unconditionally I love you still.

Feelings..!

Its funny... Life takes us through SO many things... SO many feelings... So many experiences....
Just all the different things I go through in a day.. just a small example!
Yes I'm loony! :)

I feel SO good... I went to India Gate today...to show a friend around... the weather was beautiful.. the walk was nice... I missed the feeling I got when i was there... I wanted to have an ice cream... Wanted to walk barefoot on the grass... didn't get a chance though! :(

I feel SO good... spontaneously I went and decided I wanted to put mehendi ( henna ) on my hands... Something I haven't done in forever more. Happiest ever! :)

Heard Arabic music after a month and something... Brought back memories I'm trying to forget... Didn't make me sad... Made me think back. Not something I want to do.

Watched the Simpson's movie... LOVE the brainless watch...

Got gutted at hearing a few things my mother had to tell me. Just felt terribly hopeless... the tears couldn't stop ... I couldn't help them from falling right down my cheeks...

Felt calm when I went to meet some family friends... Just two hours of sitting and talking to them... Them feeling happy that I was there to see them made me happy. All they want is someone to come and visit them .. and all I want is to see them happy.

I was talking to a friend and I realised how much this person makes me happy. How strange this connection that we have is... We're doing it all to keep each other happy....

I felt missed... :) Its a good feeling...


Just a quick brief, of a few of the feelings I go through on a normal basis...
Anyone ever given a thought to their feelings in their day??

Who Are You?

Who are you?
Where'd you come from?
You've known me for such little,
Yet I feel like you've known me so long!
When I need you,
You're right there.
To make me smile,
Through all my fears.
For someone so new to me and my life,
You do and say things that scare me so.
How did you figure me out?
How did you know?
Did those piercing eyes see right in?
Where no one has dared to look before.
Or am I just that simple?
Cause that's just such a bore.
Yes I'm scared and not afraid of admitting it.
I hope, I think, I know.
There is something here freakishly bonding.
Something I don't wish to let go.
So till the day we meet again,
I patiently wait like before!
But as of right here right now...
I am so glad,
You're truly one in a million,
And I'm the blessed one, for you I know!

Expectations, Love and Life...!

Its really easy to say that one should not have any expectations... from anything or anyone for that matter... Thinking about it logically it does help one accept and deal with everything that happens in life.

But the reality is that this is close to impossible.

I am going to include something a friend wrote. This new friend and I share a lot of the same thinking. We have a lot in common from what I read. How we look at life and how we choose to live it as well.

Like she rightly said, I'm sure we always stop to think about why people enter our lives...
It doesn't matter how long we know them, how our relation was with them or anything. We must all realise that everyone that you meet in your life .... There is a reason behind you meeting them.
Either they are affecting you and your life in a certain way... or you are affecting theirs...
*Some bring out the best in you.. and some bring out the worst!
*Some make you uncomfortable... and some too comfortable for words...

Like I said... we don't know why at the time it happens... but if we look back at life...The reason may be revealed later
But all encounters have a reason...

All these people that come into your life come in for a reason...
as my friend said..
Its the One Eternal reason...
The reason is love....

Now that we know the reason... We also have to understand that love means caring.
For one, it is but natural to have expectations...

Its up to us how much we let our expectations of people and situations play a part in our very own lives!

People who we think we know turn around and do things to us we never though we could go through.... And people we never thought would do a thing for us or people we might not even know that well, come and stand by us at times we thought we were all alone...
Its a funny thing expectation....! You can't live with it... cause it causes a lot of grief at times... And you just can't live without it.

There are a few gifted ones who don't expect in life (as they say).
Bravo to them. I can't say I don't expect... Of course I Expect things from life and situations and people... But yes I can say with full confidence that I don't let expectations rule my life. I have been through enough experiences in life to think that and say it.

So... as far as this blog goes.. All I can say is there is nothing wrong with expectations as long as you don't let it affect you for too long after things that don't go the way you expected... or people who weren't the way you expected.
the longer you stay in that phase.. the more harmful it can be ... in more ways than one... so again... like I said before... Try to live in the present... (which again.. the hardest thing to do.. close to impossible if you ask me!)
And take life as it comes...
Its a great show... sit back, interact and enjoy every minute of it.
The show is called LIFE!

As Life Goes By...

As life goes by, there are many things that we notice happen.
I recently got a forward on my mail that got me thinking of the things that I might have noticed as my life goes by.
I learned.. that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
I learned.. that the one person you expected to be up front and honest about things will probably not do that at times.
I learned.. that one will have a broken heart. No matter how much you try to avoid being in that situation. No matter how far you run away from this situation. And YES it is very hard and at that time to feel any better. Yes your heart does physically hurt and you can't do anything but give it time to heal and nothing anyone says or does makes you feel better till the time you are ready to let go.
I learned.. that I too have broken hearts.
I learned.. that best friends are forever! You will fight with them and have your differences but none of that matters because at the end of the day you're meant to go through with all this person!
I learned.. when you're having fun, time will pass really really fast and you will wish it comes back and goes slower.
I learned.. that you will loose someone you love. From your life or from the world. You have to learn to move on. The world wont stop for you!

What's written below is what I got off the forward but it makes sense!
So take too many pictures.
Laugh too much.
Love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

Right Here Right Now... my feelings!

As I sit here and wonder about my tomorrow... I am as confused as a little baby who's gotten lost.
But someone told me not to worry, things will straighten themselves out...
For some reason, that brought me some calm inside... Where there was a great storm building up.
Sometimes I feel like I've gone through it all in life. There isn't much more in this phase left for me...
The first phase of studying, working, being able to stand on your own feet and take care of others... ! The partying, the drinking... all that is done.. been going on for a long while....
Family life comes next ! ;)

Jokes apart... Who knows what is in store for us and our tomorrows... The past has happened, the future is what we hope for... But these are two things that we really don't have control on. Living in the present is how I would like to live. This is not always easy I have to admit. After all these years or practice our minds are soo used to living in the past or the future. But I'm sure I'll be able to see this through and train myself to live in the present!

Things I Believe In!

Someone asked me what I believe in... That kinda got me thinking..
SO here I am thinking in the middle of the night of what I believe in.
Lets see what all I can manage to jot down...

I believe in myself. I believe I can do and achieve anything and everything. And I can never forget that there are others helping me along all the way. And behind those others there is a greater power who is a part of everything I achieve. God. He is always there to show me the way and guide me when its needed. He shows up in different forms at different times. As my mother and father, my friends my family.

I believe that everything that happens.. happens for a reason. All the good and all the bad we go through are there because we have to. One can't expect to go through life with all the good, because then they will not cherish it. One has to go through the lows and the bad times to know what the highs and the good times really mean. Even if we have to suffer a bit at times, its all worth it as it makes you stronger and sharper for time ahead to come. One learns to bear certain pains and sorrows because one has to learn of these things and this is also a way to become a better person!

I believe that we're all human and everyone makes mistakes. We are entitled to another chance if we realise what we've done wrong and admit and sincerely want to change. Everyone deserves a second chance. Correcting something we did is not a bad thing. Makes us realise where we went wrong and how to prevent it the next time round.

I believe more in what's inside a person than what's on the outside. We all MUST know what's going on inside of ourselves and be able to make sense of it. The inside needs to be strong and know what it wants and is doing. Its what makes us all. Not what we are on the outside... but how we think and feel and are from the inside!

I believe that everything I do leaves a mark. Good or bad. Therefore every decision I make must be a conscious one. Everything I do I must think about. I have to think of what kind of mark I'm leaving behind.

I believe in my friends. Being an only child, my friends were, are and always will be my family. They have been there through times family couldn't and been able to take my shit more than anyone else could or would. Cherish friendships and be there always when it comes to friends.

I believe in honesty. This means more to me than anything else. All I ask for from someone is to be upfront and honest. There is nothing worse than hearing lies off the people you trust. Once that trust that you have taken soo long to build is broken, it will never be the same again. You can try and make it and it can come back to being close, but very rarely does it go back to being a totally trusting relationship. Any relationship. Parents and their children, friends, boyfriends girlfriends etc etc.

These are some things that I go by in my life. When was the last time you looked at what YOU stand by.

Wishing a Part of Me Goodbye!

In the past year ...
I have grown and become....
Someone who knows what she wants...
Someone who can see the bright sun...

I went through it all, seeing all what life brought...
I did it all... all that was right, I thought...
Somehow I see far ahead than thee...
Which was my fear which, to life you brought....

Now I look back and see what I did...
And given a chance I would do it again....
But I see a brighter future, the bright shiny light...
And breathe a sign of calm...

You taught me more than I think I learned...
Which will show in me in my life to come...
That I am grateful for forever more...
But that's the end of our journey...

How I wish life had the perfect endings....
Alas this isn't so....
Now its time for me to go...
And its time for me to let you go...

Having said what I have said...
I am sure that I'm not at a loss...
I made peace sooner than I thought I would...
And the credit goes to you boss!

I hope and pray and wish you the same...
And want to let you know...
Please be sure that nothing, will upset me anymore...

I wish you all the very best...
Happiness and Love...
Till we meet again....
Adios and Good luck!

Everything and Nothing

What you're feeling...
I'm feeling too...
So hang in there...
Be strong...
And we'll see this through...
Time will go by...
And I'll be there by your side...
These are just the tests that one goes through...
The real question that lies...
We'll find answers to...
Sooner or later...
So let that not worry you...
One thing I can say...
Is that I too wish at times things were different...
But we have to make the most of what we have...
And see how and where 'we' make the difference~