Ever felt like something is driving you mad? I recently had the fortune or misfortune of feeling like I was going mad. I felt like my world had been so shook up and I couldn't figure out head or tail. I was really thinking that everything around me was driving me mad and making me think of things I never would have thought of. Being alone was scary because being alone meant 50,000 thoughts in my head which I didn't want!!!
MAn, its the first and the last time I want to be in THAT space! Dear Lord, give me the wisdom to know how to steer clear of these spaces! Phew!
You know, when you want something bad enough, you're willing to go through anything for it. I guess that is when you end up walking into these spaces in your life which you never knew existed. Something similar happened to me lately. I'm glad it didn't take me that long to snap out of it. I know some people who are much less fortunate and get stuck in a downward spiral and do not have the strength to get out of anything. Even if they are offered help to do so.
Anyhow, back to my going mad feeling. Everything that you go through is some kind of learning. If you look at life like that, it makes it easier to handle, accept and move forward with. I've learnt that I cannot let things get to me. I need to draw clear lines for myself, my wants, my needs and the people who share certain spaces with me. As long as I know what I want, I shouldn't bother about what the world thinks or wants me to think/do about it. I need to know that I can do everything in my hands to make sure I get what I want. If I don't end up getting it, it wasn't mine to begin with. But I know that I never want to look back in life and wonder 'what if' for anything.
'What if I hadn't given up?', 'What if I'd given it more time?' these and many more questions I never want to have to answer to myself ever. Actually, I don't want to be asking myself those, leave alone answering them.
I have to take each day as it comes, live it the way I'd like it to be, and be happy and grateful for all around me. The food I eat, the people I'm with, where I live, the clothes I wear... Everything... Absolutly everything!
And in the times I feel weak, I look for strength within me and in my faith. Have a little prayer that makes me see things in a better way. I'll end my yet another random post with The Serenity Prayer.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change the things that I can. And the wisdom to know the difference."
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