Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost...! :)

I've been putting up a brave face for a few things going on in my life currently! Not complaining at all, as god has been gracious enough to give me such a great life and I feel so very blessed. I look around and have a fabulous family, some gems as friends, a great job, loving caring guardian angels and so much more. Just that sometimes, when we're low on energies and our reserves, nothing can help us and stop us from breaking down. Yesterday was one such day for me.

I was sitting and questioning a lot of things, which I know I should not. I know everything will happen correctly and for the best, but my weaker side took over for a while. Questioning how and why I was the way I was. Why things affected me so much? Why I was surrounded by the world and yet had never felt so alone in my life? Why life had funny ways or turning things around? Why others cannot be as expressive or even a little expressive as I am? Why do we find it hard to be alone and be indifferent when we are born alone and we die alone? Why does what people do affect me so much even though I know I'm right? These are just a few of the zillion questions that came to my mind.

I cried myself to sleep as early at 730 post which I was woken up by a friend and my cousin. Cried a bit more, vented partially what was going on in my head. I don't even have the open hand to vent everything I want to. I only get to do that in the one hour I sit at the gurdwara! That too I don't vent really, just am grateful and thankful! Crying I guess is my form of release... Its hard, it aches, it kills most of the time yet its gotta be done.

At the question of why I let what others do affect me so much, why looking at others suffer or something makes me so sad, my cousins responded with a simple line... 'Maybe its a good thing. At least we know you're human!'

On a normal occasion I would have agreed, but lately, I've been doing this whole I'm strong act and telling myself I'm fine (which at most levels I am) that this time it didn't help. Where is my person who can be my shoulder? Where is someone for me who will be my strength? Where is that one person who will make me see the sun shine the next morning no matter how dark a night it has been... Anyway...

I have to admit, its great being surrounded by people who love you. God really has been kind. I have a few angels looking over me at all times, which helps me pull myself out of my low, weak moments.

I asked another cousin of mine why I was supposed to go through all of this hurt, and pain, and ache and still be the strong one and just keep going on faith of it being a brighter day tomorrow.... His response was so beautiful, I was smiling with tears rolling down my eyes! I love his view on the world and life! He really is god's blessed child. He said, "Imagine how a diamond is formed... things under the earth decay, then form carbon, then it turns into coal. Over the years with all the pressure and perseverance it becomes a Diamond. Imagine for a moment, what it might feel like in its initial years. Thinking why it must have to go through this shit... However, had it not gone through all of that, it would have only been normal coal."

What more does one say to that? NOTHING! Just nothing...

There is one more line that comes to my mind which I hear a friend say to me every now and again which I will close with. This is not just for me and to remind myself of this truth, but also certain few people who are very near and dear to me. Hope this makes sense and gives you the strength to do the right things for your own self. No matter how hard it may seem, and how weak you may think you are. Surround yourself with people who are truly your friends and know you well, you don't have to do anything alone.

"Hamari filmon ki tarah, hamari life mein bhi end mein sab theek ho jaata hai, aur agar nahin hua hai, to picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!"