The Present* : Part 1

You came into my life,
When I needed you the most.
You stoood right by my side,
Even though I was lost.

You never gave up hope,
Even though the light was dim.

Where we started where we are,
I can't let it sink in.
How well we managed this far,
Is hard for me to pin.

All I know is that you came in,
And made such a place for yourself.
Here's to soo much more ahead,
For us to enjoy in good health!
:)

The past...!

Its truly strange...
Something I just can't get my head around...
One's life is going soo great...
One is happy... over the moon rather...
Things are going well in every aspect of life...
There are no regrets whatsoever...
Then why is it that we tend to go back to thinking and living in the past in our minds?
Why is it that we feel the need to think about the times we are trying to forget...
Even if the thoughts manage to creep in for a split second.. before you dismiss them...
What is the need for the thoughts to even creep in...

I guess we remember things for a reason.. I really don't know what the reasons are..but anyhow.. felt like penning this down!

OnE* Thank you!

I come and go,
To and fro,
There you are,
Right where I left you!

It seems like we're one,
No matter what,
How much time apart,
We still pick up at the place where we had begun.

Its been soo many years,
We kinda lost track,
But I still remember meeting you,
As though it was yesterday, not such a while back.

We influenced our lives so,
I never thought it would ever last,
But how through thick and thin,
We managed to share something people rarely can cast.

I thank you for being a part of my life,
One I can never replace,
Know that you're my priority,
And I better be the same ;)

People come and people go,
But I for one am sure,
When I need you you'll be there,
The same way I stand here for you, with the same feelings we share.

Once more!?!? Unreal!

The next morning we got up ... lazed around... had breakfast... ALO KA PARATHA...MAn how much better can this get :)
hehehehe
catching up, getting ready, eating breakfast.

Finally we decided to head out for a bit. Tanmay and I took off with a couple of his friends for a drive.
We were heading out to Taraunga but the weather really wasn't good. It was spitting as well so we decided to go a place called Mount Maunganui. Its a nice little place with nice beaches around. But there was no sun. It was grey, windy and cold!
The beaches and the sights were gorgeous but it was freezing cold by my standards!

On our way there.. WE stopped at hobbiton for a coffee and muffin! :D
Its where lord of the rings was shot. I didn't want to go in and have a look at the little houses. Its all private property. Its basically a drive through all other people's property! I was happy to be there in the open fields sitting with friends and enjoying my hot choco!

By the time we came back it was getting to be a bit past 8 I think. We had to drop off the friends and go catch up with Tan's parents at one of their friends houses.
I walked in and it was as though I was someone they were waiting for and knew!
Everyone seemed to know me! :) IT was such a nice and warm welcome! It was lovely. It was an enjoyable evening at their house which wrapped up early. Reasonably!
Then Tan and Sam and myself went to Sam's house for a bit. Caught up and then Tan and I retired for the day.
By that I mean came home and caught up.. again! :)

The nest day.. did a few things with the family and then headed off to Auckland after lunch. We had to be back to attend a friends haldi ceremony.
I'm here all the way in NZ travelling from place to place.. and then I have to attend this wedding :D
Poor aunty went crazy tyring to look for things for Me! :)
Oh well its been fun. Meeting all of Tans friends was good. Again felt right at home. I know and have heard about all of them. Its putting the faces to the names and the names to the stories now :) ;)

*rEuNiTeD*

As I land... the weather is not the best.. but that's not what I can think of.
All I can think of is about the great time I had in Aussie and the blast I'm gonna have ahead.. and Tanmay waiting at the airport!!

Got out... the quickest immigrations ever... waited for my bags... walked out and there he was... My Tanny boy.. waiting for me to get out... we both looked at each other and laughed with disbelief!! One big hug and another laugh... Was this really happening... Am I really there?? Something we've spoken about forever more!
Changed some money and headed off to the car.

I had lost my voice as I was seriously ill and had a really really bad ear ache.. but none of that seemed to matter all of a sudden. There was soo much to tell, soo much to talk about.. What ever little I could I was managing to talk.. Catching up.. laughing, thinking we're in Delhi not in new Zealand! LOL
We decided to drive straight to Hamilton to go see mom and dad. It just wouldn't be right if I didn't see them as I landed.

Chatted all the way. Where the time went I have no clue. The drive was soo scenic.. But I think my mind was more in catching up. We made a small pit stop to meet one of Tan's friends. Sam! :) Then we were headed off for home...!
Got out of the car.. wanting to run towards the front.. calmly I made way till the time I saw aunty. I jumped and sprinted the rest of the way.
The hug that I've been waiting for forever more...! I just stood there hugging aunty for some time.. I don't know how long it was.. but at that time it didn't matter...
Then came my Max baby... My god how they grow.. I could just remember him about 7 years ago.. running out of his house screaming "rhea didi" all excited that I was there...
Last but not the least.. DAD!
Tanmay's dad has always been my dad... :) I feel like I have more right on him at times.. hehehe
One big hug and words acknowledging how happy we both are to be standing right there!

Its dinner time... I get greeted with two different chicken starters!!!
I'm being totally pampered... We're all catching up, all we want to do is hug each other and sit!! :D
After the two different chicken dishes its time for proper dinner. It was the first proper home cooked meal in days! It was awesome. Chicken, roti, alo, salad. Just perfect!
Finished dinner and decided to see a few video's of when They had gone to Shanghai. Tanmay and myself hadn't seen these. While we were watching these. more pampering. Dad decided to give all us kids a head massage! Champi time!!! That was sooo good! :D I almost fell asleep!
by this time I was coughing like a maniac and had almost lost my voice but that didn't stop up from catching up till 1 in the night. That's when everyone decided to hit the bed.
But of course Tan and I had still our bit of catching up to do!
WE went on for another hour after which my throat had given in. So at 2 in the morning was the wrap of the first evening I was there!

Khudi ko kar buland itna!

This is one of my favorite songs by the group 'junoon'.
This happens to be what's on my mind right now...
So penning it down!

Khudi ko kar buland itna,
Ke har takdeer se pehla,
Khuda bande se khud pooche,
Bata, teri raza kya hai?

Sitaron se aage jahan,
Aur bhi hai!
Abhi ishq ke imtehan,
Aur bhi hai!

Tu shahen hai,
Parvaz hai,
Khwab tera kaam mera,
Tere samne aasma aur bhi hai..
Basera kar, Pahadon ki chattanon par
Bata, teri raza kya hai?

Zindagi main maine aaj tak aise hi kaam kiye hai ki koi mujhe mudh kar kuch bol na sake... IE.. I have always lived my life and done things in a way that no one can point a finger at me.
I only have the mighty being to look up to and answer to and for him my slate is clean.
I don't know what's happening with me and my moods... :D
But there are too many feelings going on inside my heart and head and every other part of my body that might be able to think.. LOL
so I guess slowly writing it all out one by one will help?? Maybe!! :)

This one is for me...

This blog is solely for me.. cause I needed to just get a few things off my mind and heart!
Things just work is such strange ways... things are SO emotional and clinical at times...
Different people, different approaches... Different reactions...
Some strange way... life fits.. and some strange ways its waiting to be fixed!
Life anyway is a puzzle.. which we are trying to fit together..
So why fuss about it... when we can sort it all out...
Eventually.. it all has to fit in anyway... There is only one way it fits...
Remember.. Its a picture cut up into pieces so it HAS to fit back in the same way...
Sometimes it seems like there is no way that it will fit through...
But it will.. One has to be calm and patient and slowly try to figure things out...
Being impatient is not going to help anything or anyone...
Life is good, god is great, and things are fabulous.. its just the small trivial things that gets one wondering at times.
Why is there no easy route.. Maybe life would just be soo dull if there was...
Another day, the sun is shining bright... What I am doing inside...
Later GAtor!

singing...

singing in the rain...
just singing in the rain...
what a glorious feel cause i'm happy again...

i am happy... its funny how many times i've written about it! i am glad i've done that...
its not good to always write about worries and sadness...

i am questioning where i am in life though :D
strange that its really not bothering me as of right now. on a normal day i'd be worried sick.
but i'm on holiday right now ... and just felt like penning down my carefreeness!

its a bright sunny day,
what more can i say,
i'm on a holiday,
loving it in everyway!

life is being so kind,
keeping my trip in mind,
i'm flashing away to glory,
trying to save every moment in my mind!

When will the gussa get thanda?

Acha ok... So I kinda messed up without thinking that I did.
I did apologize for it.
So how long does it take for the gussa to get thanda... You can't just throw away years of friendship over one deal! That's why its a good friendship isn't it??

What must I do to make it all good again. It is alright I know that... and I know this is not going anywhere.. I wont let it. But when do I start to get back in touch with how things arE??

You know who you are... you need to you maaf karo me yaar!! :)
Woh movie thi na... " Dil par mat le yaar"

I miss you paaji! :)
Hope to hear from you soooonnn!
x

What Is IT?

You know you think you know what's going on in your life... but then sometimes you look around and you don't!

I thought I knew what I wanted all my life... which I did most of it... but now I'm standing somewhere in my life... where I thought I wanted something... and now I see things that I want to do other than what my plans had in store for me.

Making a career change doesn't only involve me. That's the only issue. My decision in life are based on a lot of other things as well. The people I love are a very very important part of my decisions! Why is it that everything else affects the decision one has to make. At the end of the day its one person's life and its what they have to do. The decisions one makes should revolve around them and they have to live with their choices...! Why should it affect others...??
There is no point in asking why. At the end of the day, IT DOES affect others and it does matter.

We have been brought up to be considerate to others. When that's not an important part of one's upbringing we can do anything not caring about the others. But when we do know and think of others these decisions become very very hard. Its not easy to be thinking of what we want without thinking of others!
WE need to be very careful of how we do things and make our decisions. Some of our decisions do end up hurting some, but there are somethings that we have to do.
Its not the best place to be in. It's so hard to be caught in the middle of your mind and your heart! Who do you listen to...??

I am soo confused at times as to what I want in life. All because of outer influences... When will the time come for me to just make that choice! Any choice without thinking of otherS! Or just being able to be ok with my choice without outer influenceS!

Anyone have any clues?

Happy ...

You know I have realised one thing.
Its when we are sad and upset that we sit and think about what our life is.. how we do things.. what we do and why....
Its only then we give things attention and remember the good times...
But no one really acknowledges when they are actually happy!
We never think twice and thank our stars for the good time that we are having.
We all need to realise that we have to seriously start to consciously realise our happy times!
WE do have a lot of them in our lives. We just choose to not think of it when we are happy and having a good time!
I am having a blast of a time... and no matter what comes up.. I'm happy! There is nothing more I want from life. I have a good life, a great family, and some fantastic friends!
I am grateful each day for this!
Just thoughts which I wanted to pen down! So there! :D

On My Way....

A good hour and a half before landing, the energy seemed to be creeping in. I was up walking the isle. I was having the best time since I left Delhi. Easy check in, pleasant staff and the attention from the good looking people! The last point, I believe is all thanks to my fantastic mood and chirpiness.

Slept through my flight from Delhi to Singapore. I had a quick stop over (2 hours or so) at the Singapore airport and then I was off to Sydney! Australia and New Zealand are places I've always wanted to visit but never saw it actually happening! Well it was all real now. Still doesn't feel like its true though!! So back to being on the flight. Had been talking to the cute flight attendant, had the hottest guy on the flight come and chat to me, what more did I want ;)
20 minutes before landing one could make out its my first time to Sydney! Peeping out the window as though I was gonna make my way out of that window any second! Smiling for no obvious reason :D
Landing at Sydney was a fantastic feeling! Walked out, through the immigrations and to the baggage claim. From the walk that I took till outside, I felt like that people were very warm. Unlike UK and elsewhere where one feels that the people are cold. Or the CITY is cold even!

Baggage took forever to come. I even had a little beagle dog come and sniff my laptop bag at the time. Even had to flirt with the customs guy to get the extra cigs and khatta meetha packet! (bag of salties!) {kidding}
Walking out I felt like I was walking on air! I've been in the best mood EVER!
:D
See what a vacation does to you!! :)

Came out and recognized my aunt and uncle in a second! AND to my surprise they recognized me just as fast! They said its because I'm an exact image of my mother. Copy! :) The last they saw me was about 10 years ago if not more!
All four of them came to the airport to get me! Waayy past the kids bedtime! Arnav and Ashna went all quiet! :) It takes time for kids to open up!
Came back home, chatted away to glory. Catching up and watched some TV before heading to bed.

Next morning I was up at 530 AM! We had decided the night before to go catch the sunrise. The beach is just behind the house and my aunt's mom from India had specifically asked me to do this for her! :)
So my aunt and myself took off to the beach for a nice walk by the bay! :) BEachhh!! :) We were off for about half an hour. We know the sun had risen as we could see the bright rays, but it was rising behind the clouds that we were rising along with the sun! :) But its all good. I love the beach, the sound of the waves hitting the beach! I was happy! Came back home and.... went back to bedd!!! Wanted to sleep for an hour and ended up sleeping for 3!

Later that morning went to buy a few things that I needed and saw some tankini's!!! Yippee... shopping time! Spent some time at the mall and back we came. Kids came back home and we all got ready and waited for uncle to get back! He came home, got ready and off we were to show Rhea around! :)
First stop, Sydney Opera housE! Not before crossing the harbour bridge of coursE!
I have to go walk on that bridge! You're allowed to go up as well! For a fee :)
Circular Quay is right by the Opera house. A place with restaurants and people scattered all over! People there for a drink after work, or just before going to the Opera. People all dressed up and chilled out just hanging out there.. ITs a nice place. WE took a few pictures and decided to go to the Darling Harbour to go get some food. The kids were getting hungry! WE all managed to eat and head out for a walk. It was lovely! The atmosphere I mean. Bars and restaurants on the harbour. What a brilliant place to go and chill out. People reading, sitting doing nothing, roller blading, out for a drink or a walk. I could soo imagine being back at college. Places next to the river, specially the Mailbox area, just minus the cold! :)
Walking back over the Darling bridge all I could think about was how cool and easy it would be for me to live here! How convenient! I would love to be living in Australia!
I told myself I would give it a few days before I jump to that thoughT! But I think I might seriously consider it!

Back home, everyone tired and I'm off to my book and bed!
Singing off with lots of love!

Diwali it wasss!!! :D

Its been 6 years now since I've celebrated Diwali the good old way.
Being out, one doesn't have the same charm as being back here in India for Diwali.
Its the season for fun, frolic something new... lots of lights, noise, love and everything that goes with it! :)
I don't think I've ever wanted to celebrate so much.
From late night cleaning to early morning cleaning, to getting the house ready, bright all decked up with flowers and rangoli!!
Of course my favorite part is making the feet marks entering the house.
You have to show laxmi the way in.. :D
After a good morning of cleaning... Then comes the entertaining... We weren't that well equipped this time round... but it was nice.
Seeing people we haven't seen in a while.
The evening came... Running around doing the last minute preparations before we sat down for the pooja and the aarti.
After which.... of course the lighting of a few sparklers...! We've not been into too many fire crackers for some time now...
After which.. the rounds with the neighbours... the "helloooo its been ever soo long :)"
Its nice that even though we don't manage to see each other... this festival manages to bridge all gaps... and make it seem like nothing changed.
Whether its people pretending or facts.. I don't know. As long as the feeling everywhere on this day, is good :D
Then we hoped into the car and went to my uncle's house.
It was nice... Both my uncle and his wife and kids, and My aunt (mom's sister) with Her husband were over.
It was a very nice evening spent. We ate dinner and then went out to burst fire crackers..!
There were two boxes FUULLLL!!!
I stuck to a sparkler and an annar... Which was good enough for me to enjoy. The rest I sat back and enjoyed the show as my uncle and cousins were running around bursting all the crackers! :)
MY little cousins were soo smart.. one of them... took the crackers.. hid some behind the bush.. so that everyone is done with their share... he still had some more.. He was hustling! :)
Too cute.. Just sitting there outside the house... Making a beautiful sight made me soo happy and calm inside!
Sitting and chatting with family... screaming every two seconds to make sure that the kids don't hurt themselves or so something silly. :)
IT was just great to be doing that.
Watching the starlit sky and the roads... Just bliss...
Being with family.. Having that feeling of being home with everyone again... Was lovely...
Got back home... And of course was looking forward to the sleepless night :D
Have to be up to keep the diya alive all night long.
Anyhow... All said and done.. I was very happy this Diwali...
Here's wishing you all a very very happy Diwali... Wishes for a fantastic and prosperous new year!

State of mind... Happy ! :)

Things are soo hap hazard...
Life is going on soo fast you can't think straight...
Feeling all these emotions at the same time, one doesn't know what to make...
But then you stop and think...
Right here! Right now... What is it I'm feeling?
It could be anger, love, hate, joy, sadness, happiness...
Its a choice we make. A choice to feel how we want to feel...
I have decided... No matter what... feel what you have to feel in the moment.. But the rest of the time... I WILL FEEL HAPPY :D
I have enough to be happy about.
God has been ever so kind to keep blessing me...
Great family, a life with no complains...
Everything that I go through I go through for a reason...
Its the path I choose to walk on... As its the path that was chosen for me...
Going with the flow is great, but one has to be sure that you're still in control!
I am happy...
I wish everyone else to be happy too!!
I don't know whether its the festive season or a change in me bringing this out.
Whatever it might be I'm happy! :)

My Dream World....

I know reality and I know how it all works.
Yet I find myself living in this dream world of my own.
I can stay in this state of imaginary living for as long as I want.
Snap into it and out of it as and when I like.
I have full control over it. It has no control over me.
I chose to move into it when I have something bothering me, most of the time.
When I feel that something could have been done differently and someone could have done something in another way. (Better that what was done already)
Its a place I'm happy. Things are just right.
Its a place where I'd like to be all the time.
Its a place where everything goes right.
A place where everything not right has the perfect explanation.
Its because of being mature at such a young age, that all this comes up.
Its a place where I get away from the harsh reality of life.
Its not that I don't know how the world and people around me work.
Its just that as we grow up we realise that the bubble of the perfect world we had, isn't perfect.
Its my way of relaxing my self.
A form of my own meditation.
Its an art I would like people to try. See how it suits them.
Its like tantric travelling one might say. :)
Some people travel to places on the earth via that.
I travel to a different world all together.
Its like a parallel world to what we live in now.
Its a trait for people of my sun sign to me dreamers. Its a speciality.
We do it the best. It really helps.
My advice to all .. try it!

The First Person I See Every Morning!

This is something I wrote a while back!
Felt like adding it on here!

Considering the fact that I live alone... And have been for the past 6 years now. The first person I see every morning is … ME! I wake up every morning, and see myself in the mirror when I get to brushing my teeth! (Being the first thing I do! Gosh that morning breath!)

If that is not considered as the first person I see every morning then I don’t know who is. I get out of my building and walk down the street. See the same face of the house porters and people washing the cars. Walk or take a taxi to the spot I’m supposed to be picked up by a friend of mine. So really apart from me… there is no constant person I see every morning.

Some people have their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives that they wake up to (some of them don’t want to be waking up to the other!), some people have their pets to wake up to, some people have their mothers screaming and shouting to wake them up! I have the pleasure of waking up to my phone… my alarm clock which happens to be The Mask of Zorro dance song! You know everyone has their morning rituals as they wake up… From scratching their ass to picking their nose! Stretching in bed and yawning the ‘good bye sleep yawn!’ Mine would be hitting the damn snooze button! I think sleep is something that I love! To the extent that there are times I’ll call in sick just to get a few extra hours! (Shush… that’s totally supposed to be between us!) After hitting the button enough and over sleeping my extra time, one will see me jump out of bed and run to the bathroom! Brush my teeth… sit on the pot … jump into the shower and get dressed at superman speed! My track record of being ready in less than 17 minutes!

Anyhow… On that note, I shall take my leave… and leave you with this… If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.

When Love is in the Air....

I was sitting with the family the other day.
This side of my family is very fond of shear o shayeri...
My uncle had just started off with one shaere which hit me...
It goes something like this...

* Hum tumhe jabse chahne lage hai,
Sabhi dost lagne poorane lage hai.
Hum tumhe jabse chahne lage hai,
Sabhi dost lagne poorane lage hai.
Kitna Haseen hai yeh mohobbat ka aalam,
Humhi se bhi humko churane lage hai.
Unki hi muskaan ka yeh asar hai,
Unki hi muskaan ka yeh asar hai,
Ki mehfil main sab muskurane lage hai!

If I translate this, it reads...

**Ever since I started to love you,
All my friends seem old to me now.
How beautiful is this feeling of love,
That I'm being stolen away from my own self.
This is the doing of their smile,
That everyone around has also started smiling.
(Please excuse the fact that the translation is not perfect. The ghazal kind of looses its charm once translated. But hearing it in urdu just rang a bell.)

I stopped and thought to myself... 'How true'
Love doesn't ask you before stepping into your life.
Love doesn't say I'll pop by if you're free. It hits you and you don't know when, where, how, when, what happened.
And this is exactly what you feel. You just want to be with the one you love. Anything you do together excites you. But if you have to do things without the other... You don't mind taking a pass at it.
All the time spent with friends seems to be great but would be even better if you could get to spend it with that special someone.
You smile at the though of the person. You smile at all the memories... You smile at the sight or the person. You and the surroundings totally cheer up at one sight of the person. You're genuinely happy from inside... Shining and glowing. And it shows.. and the happiness gets passed around. You're aura is soo bright that it affects the others around you!
Its a great feeling, being in love. Some people dont ever get to experience it. They think that the life they are living and how they are going about the relations they have in life is love. They never experienced it so what life holds for them they carry on with thinking this is how it should go.
Not every one is fortunate enough to be blessed with true love!
Love has different forms. You can make it grow. But that's when you're finding love, or thinking that you've found love...
I just want to say... its not about the thinking. Love comes and finds you... and when it does... you just know it! There is no thinking about it, there is no doubt in your mind, there is no two ways... YOU KNOW you've been hit. It hits you, not the other way round.

Okay I think that's enough. But I would like to share two more ghazals my uncle wrote which I really really love.

* Koi na pooche hame ishq main kya hashar hota hai,
Koi na pooche hame ishq main kya hashar hota hai,
Pakad ke sholay koi dekhe, kya asar hota hai.
Hum hai bechain khabar unko khuda hai ki nahi,
Hum hai bechain khabar unko khuda hai ki nahi,
Sun to rakha tha ki yeh dard dono taraf hota hai!

**No one ask me what happens to one in love,
Have you ever tried to hold burning coal ans see what happens to one?
I am so uneasy and impatient and anxious, do they know I wonder?
I've heard this pain and feeling tends to happen on both sides!

And the last one...

* Baat karte ho bhool jaane ki,
Baat karte ho bhool jaane ki,
Ada haseen hai yeh aazmaane ki.
Cheer kar dil dikha nahi sakta,
Warna kya baat thi chupane ne?

** translation to follow soon! I just have to make sure my translation is right of this one :)

Stronger than me...

I love that you're strong... Stronger than me... I acknowledge that fact...
I know that I'm the strong independent person, but what I really want is to be taken care of. I want to come back home at the end of the day, lie in the arms of the man I love and feel like I'm safe. Taken care of and loved and pampered.
Thought I had you, but I don't... Lets see where life takes me and who it brings.

How do I know you?

There have been times when you meet some people in your life and you just click!

I recently came across one such person who I felt like I relate to on every level.
I am reminded of me when I talk to her and hear her speak.
Like she happened to say that we have to have some sort of deep connection (past life even) to have connected soo soon and so much!

I just want to acknowledge this new presence in my life.
Thank you for being you... I'm grateful I met you!

*Big HUGE hug and kiss*

I Figuered IT Out.... Quater Life Crisis!

I figured it out!!!
Actually... I recently read something that clicked in my head.
Helps me know what's going on with me right now.
All of us who are twenty something go through this. Some early some late.
The whole feeling of confusion and the unknown is but natural.

I am going to write on the same basis of what I read but make it in accordance to me.

Me starting to realise that there are many things about myself that I didn't know. So much that I can manage and bare.

The feeling of insecurity and the question of where I will be in a year or two. Its the first time in my life I do not have an answer to these questions.
Then getting scared because I barely know where I stand now.

I start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
Also, the people who you meet, the new friends may be blessings in disguise. Everyone has lives and time stops for no one. So one must be open to people and experiences.
Yes of course then there are those friends who are there no matter what. Through it all. If not physically, then in every other way.
What I didn't recognize (at that time) is that they (my friends) are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.

I look at my job.... 'doing nothing' :) ... Its not what I thought I would have been doing as of right now in my life.
I start looking for a job and realize that you I'm going to have to start all over again, and that sort of scares me. And the thought kind of even tires me.
I go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because I cannot seem to make a decision.

One minute, I am insecure and then the next, secure. I laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. I am going through extremes.

Yes I feel alone and scared and confused. I was made to realise that change in the enemy. There is a part of me that tried to cling onto the past. But then I know this is not the way to go. The past will keep drifting away slowly. I know I have to move forward, which I'm trying to do bit by bit. I don't really mind staying in the moment that I am in either. I know I can't for too long though.
Also the realization that change is not really the enemy... Its for the better.

I broke my own heart and wonder how I let myself get into that situation which I have avoided my whole life. I gave it thought and because of the practical logical thinking that I go by, I have learned to let go of the past and move on.
Yes I know I will love again. It might be knocking on my door just now for all I know. :)
One-night-stands and random hook-ups have never really appealed to me. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot doesn't really happen.

I worry about money, the future, what life has in store... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
Its like they say God has everything worked out for you. I don't want to know what life has in store for me, but getting a heads up sometimes doesn't hurt! :)
In my way. I wanted to prove to myself, that I'd be able to stand on my own two feet and be able to take care of myself. I did more. I managed myself, my life and took care of others. It as like running one big family. In every way.
I did it earlier than I thought I would....
But what next is what I wonder about..

Its trying to figure out the good times and the bad...

AS you can see... This 'quarter life crisis', is a good thing... I have managed to get my head straight on a lot of things... and some are yet to go.
Yes its a stage we all go through and yes its annoying being lost, but like I believe ... we go through things in life for particular reasons...
We all do... So go with it and see which path you have to be on.

We're all in the same boat.. All the twenty somethings that we are.

Just something I have to mention... I'M NOT LOONEY! :)

Okayyyyy!! That's enough senti shenti for now.. :)
I've been off on a tangent... and I just want to say I'm not generally like this!
I'm just goin through wierd phases... Which shall die out in time...
I am a happy person.. Dont think I'm not... lol...

YES I AM NORMAL....
NO I'M NOT A NUTTER :D
just to state... LOL

Ok.. now I need a beer!
;)

I Am Loved....

Just a little while ago,
It seemed like 1994 or before,
Things were so bright and sunny,
I was happy as a pappy at home like a bunny.

I felt loved all the time,
No matter how high the tides,
It made me feel good,
And I was a happy young lassie.

As I grow up life teaches me so,
That growing up is not all that I thought,
Not all that I know.

I've been through the good,
I've been through the bad,
Learned the harsh truth of life,
With every experience I've had.

Now where I stand,
I can say for sure,
That no matter what happens,
No matter what... I AM Loved....

Yes there may be times,
When the world seems to be the worst place to be,
Yes there may be times,
When I just don't want you to be heard or seen.

But then I look around,
And realise...
We worry for the one's we love,
We want to see them happy.

No matter what we do,
And how we do it,
Its all to get a smile,
Which might take less than a minute.

I'm grateful for the life I lead,
Grateful for all I meet,
I know I'm loved no matter what,
And don't need to have it shown to know it.

At the same time,
I must say,
I love each and everyone,
Who crosses me and my way.

No matter how long or short I know them,
I will be there from the start till the end of it.
I will stand by you through the good and the bad,
As you do for the one's you love.

SO this is to let you all know....
I know you love me...
And always know...
That I love you with all my might and more!

Brief Moment of Pain....

You are someone who's known me the longest... yet you know soo little...
You are the one I look upto... yet you make me feel ever so small...
You are the one I love and respect... yet you hurt me by saying things...
You are the one who wants the best for me... yet you're not ready to listen to support me to something that might bring me happiness...
You are the one who wants things as of yesterday... yet you can't do the same for me...
You are the one who loves me unconditionally... yet doesn't have the patience for me...
You over bar me... you bring out my dark side...
I need you to understand... that its time to let go...
its time you see my point of view... Its time you let me make my own mistakes...
There are so many negatives in this equation... 2:1 never worked well for me...
but unconditionally I love you still.

Feelings..!

Its funny... Life takes us through SO many things... SO many feelings... So many experiences....
Just all the different things I go through in a day.. just a small example!
Yes I'm loony! :)

I feel SO good... I went to India Gate today...to show a friend around... the weather was beautiful.. the walk was nice... I missed the feeling I got when i was there... I wanted to have an ice cream... Wanted to walk barefoot on the grass... didn't get a chance though! :(

I feel SO good... spontaneously I went and decided I wanted to put mehendi ( henna ) on my hands... Something I haven't done in forever more. Happiest ever! :)

Heard Arabic music after a month and something... Brought back memories I'm trying to forget... Didn't make me sad... Made me think back. Not something I want to do.

Watched the Simpson's movie... LOVE the brainless watch...

Got gutted at hearing a few things my mother had to tell me. Just felt terribly hopeless... the tears couldn't stop ... I couldn't help them from falling right down my cheeks...

Felt calm when I went to meet some family friends... Just two hours of sitting and talking to them... Them feeling happy that I was there to see them made me happy. All they want is someone to come and visit them .. and all I want is to see them happy.

I was talking to a friend and I realised how much this person makes me happy. How strange this connection that we have is... We're doing it all to keep each other happy....

I felt missed... :) Its a good feeling...


Just a quick brief, of a few of the feelings I go through on a normal basis...
Anyone ever given a thought to their feelings in their day??

Who Are You?

Who are you?
Where'd you come from?
You've known me for such little,
Yet I feel like you've known me so long!
When I need you,
You're right there.
To make me smile,
Through all my fears.
For someone so new to me and my life,
You do and say things that scare me so.
How did you figure me out?
How did you know?
Did those piercing eyes see right in?
Where no one has dared to look before.
Or am I just that simple?
Cause that's just such a bore.
Yes I'm scared and not afraid of admitting it.
I hope, I think, I know.
There is something here freakishly bonding.
Something I don't wish to let go.
So till the day we meet again,
I patiently wait like before!
But as of right here right now...
I am so glad,
You're truly one in a million,
And I'm the blessed one, for you I know!

Expectations, Love and Life...!

Its really easy to say that one should not have any expectations... from anything or anyone for that matter... Thinking about it logically it does help one accept and deal with everything that happens in life.

But the reality is that this is close to impossible.

I am going to include something a friend wrote. This new friend and I share a lot of the same thinking. We have a lot in common from what I read. How we look at life and how we choose to live it as well.

Like she rightly said, I'm sure we always stop to think about why people enter our lives...
It doesn't matter how long we know them, how our relation was with them or anything. We must all realise that everyone that you meet in your life .... There is a reason behind you meeting them.
Either they are affecting you and your life in a certain way... or you are affecting theirs...
*Some bring out the best in you.. and some bring out the worst!
*Some make you uncomfortable... and some too comfortable for words...

Like I said... we don't know why at the time it happens... but if we look back at life...The reason may be revealed later
But all encounters have a reason...

All these people that come into your life come in for a reason...
as my friend said..
Its the One Eternal reason...
The reason is love....

Now that we know the reason... We also have to understand that love means caring.
For one, it is but natural to have expectations...

Its up to us how much we let our expectations of people and situations play a part in our very own lives!

People who we think we know turn around and do things to us we never though we could go through.... And people we never thought would do a thing for us or people we might not even know that well, come and stand by us at times we thought we were all alone...
Its a funny thing expectation....! You can't live with it... cause it causes a lot of grief at times... And you just can't live without it.

There are a few gifted ones who don't expect in life (as they say).
Bravo to them. I can't say I don't expect... Of course I Expect things from life and situations and people... But yes I can say with full confidence that I don't let expectations rule my life. I have been through enough experiences in life to think that and say it.

So... as far as this blog goes.. All I can say is there is nothing wrong with expectations as long as you don't let it affect you for too long after things that don't go the way you expected... or people who weren't the way you expected.
the longer you stay in that phase.. the more harmful it can be ... in more ways than one... so again... like I said before... Try to live in the present... (which again.. the hardest thing to do.. close to impossible if you ask me!)
And take life as it comes...
Its a great show... sit back, interact and enjoy every minute of it.
The show is called LIFE!

As Life Goes By...

As life goes by, there are many things that we notice happen.
I recently got a forward on my mail that got me thinking of the things that I might have noticed as my life goes by.
I learned.. that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
I learned.. that the one person you expected to be up front and honest about things will probably not do that at times.
I learned.. that one will have a broken heart. No matter how much you try to avoid being in that situation. No matter how far you run away from this situation. And YES it is very hard and at that time to feel any better. Yes your heart does physically hurt and you can't do anything but give it time to heal and nothing anyone says or does makes you feel better till the time you are ready to let go.
I learned.. that I too have broken hearts.
I learned.. that best friends are forever! You will fight with them and have your differences but none of that matters because at the end of the day you're meant to go through with all this person!
I learned.. when you're having fun, time will pass really really fast and you will wish it comes back and goes slower.
I learned.. that you will loose someone you love. From your life or from the world. You have to learn to move on. The world wont stop for you!

What's written below is what I got off the forward but it makes sense!
So take too many pictures.
Laugh too much.
Love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

Right Here Right Now... my feelings!

As I sit here and wonder about my tomorrow... I am as confused as a little baby who's gotten lost.
But someone told me not to worry, things will straighten themselves out...
For some reason, that brought me some calm inside... Where there was a great storm building up.
Sometimes I feel like I've gone through it all in life. There isn't much more in this phase left for me...
The first phase of studying, working, being able to stand on your own feet and take care of others... ! The partying, the drinking... all that is done.. been going on for a long while....
Family life comes next ! ;)

Jokes apart... Who knows what is in store for us and our tomorrows... The past has happened, the future is what we hope for... But these are two things that we really don't have control on. Living in the present is how I would like to live. This is not always easy I have to admit. After all these years or practice our minds are soo used to living in the past or the future. But I'm sure I'll be able to see this through and train myself to live in the present!

Things I Believe In!

Someone asked me what I believe in... That kinda got me thinking..
SO here I am thinking in the middle of the night of what I believe in.
Lets see what all I can manage to jot down...

I believe in myself. I believe I can do and achieve anything and everything. And I can never forget that there are others helping me along all the way. And behind those others there is a greater power who is a part of everything I achieve. God. He is always there to show me the way and guide me when its needed. He shows up in different forms at different times. As my mother and father, my friends my family.

I believe that everything that happens.. happens for a reason. All the good and all the bad we go through are there because we have to. One can't expect to go through life with all the good, because then they will not cherish it. One has to go through the lows and the bad times to know what the highs and the good times really mean. Even if we have to suffer a bit at times, its all worth it as it makes you stronger and sharper for time ahead to come. One learns to bear certain pains and sorrows because one has to learn of these things and this is also a way to become a better person!

I believe that we're all human and everyone makes mistakes. We are entitled to another chance if we realise what we've done wrong and admit and sincerely want to change. Everyone deserves a second chance. Correcting something we did is not a bad thing. Makes us realise where we went wrong and how to prevent it the next time round.

I believe more in what's inside a person than what's on the outside. We all MUST know what's going on inside of ourselves and be able to make sense of it. The inside needs to be strong and know what it wants and is doing. Its what makes us all. Not what we are on the outside... but how we think and feel and are from the inside!

I believe that everything I do leaves a mark. Good or bad. Therefore every decision I make must be a conscious one. Everything I do I must think about. I have to think of what kind of mark I'm leaving behind.

I believe in my friends. Being an only child, my friends were, are and always will be my family. They have been there through times family couldn't and been able to take my shit more than anyone else could or would. Cherish friendships and be there always when it comes to friends.

I believe in honesty. This means more to me than anything else. All I ask for from someone is to be upfront and honest. There is nothing worse than hearing lies off the people you trust. Once that trust that you have taken soo long to build is broken, it will never be the same again. You can try and make it and it can come back to being close, but very rarely does it go back to being a totally trusting relationship. Any relationship. Parents and their children, friends, boyfriends girlfriends etc etc.

These are some things that I go by in my life. When was the last time you looked at what YOU stand by.

Wishing a Part of Me Goodbye!

In the past year ...
I have grown and become....
Someone who knows what she wants...
Someone who can see the bright sun...

I went through it all, seeing all what life brought...
I did it all... all that was right, I thought...
Somehow I see far ahead than thee...
Which was my fear which, to life you brought....

Now I look back and see what I did...
And given a chance I would do it again....
But I see a brighter future, the bright shiny light...
And breathe a sign of calm...

You taught me more than I think I learned...
Which will show in me in my life to come...
That I am grateful for forever more...
But that's the end of our journey...

How I wish life had the perfect endings....
Alas this isn't so....
Now its time for me to go...
And its time for me to let you go...

Having said what I have said...
I am sure that I'm not at a loss...
I made peace sooner than I thought I would...
And the credit goes to you boss!

I hope and pray and wish you the same...
And want to let you know...
Please be sure that nothing, will upset me anymore...

I wish you all the very best...
Happiness and Love...
Till we meet again....
Adios and Good luck!

Everything and Nothing

What you're feeling...
I'm feeling too...
So hang in there...
Be strong...
And we'll see this through...
Time will go by...
And I'll be there by your side...
These are just the tests that one goes through...
The real question that lies...
We'll find answers to...
Sooner or later...
So let that not worry you...
One thing I can say...
Is that I too wish at times things were different...
But we have to make the most of what we have...
And see how and where 'we' make the difference~

hmmm!

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks. You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent. An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer. Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best. You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Does Anyone Know?

Here I am so far away,
In a place that I call home.
But yet I feel such a heartache,
With what's in store tomorrow, unknown.

Here I stand at a point in my life,
Where some crucial decisions lie.
And events everyday, being thrown my way,
Make me as confused as a mixed fruit pie.

Here I lay on my bed,
Lost in thoughts of yesterday.
Yearning for those days all over again,
Hoping those days were TODAY.

Come to think of it,
I am always looking forward to being here.
But every time I come along,
After the grace period is the time I fear.

I know a bunch of people,
Who know how to handle me well.
But there is another set of people,
Who seem to be lost as HELL.

They think that they know me well,
But little do they know.
That I have changed so much,
That it will take a long time for them to see or me to show.

There comes a point in every one's lives,
Where they don't know how its going to go.
But yet they take that big huge leap,
Jumping into the unknown.
You kind of think you have a clue,
As to how your tomorrow will go...
All you can do it pray and try your best,
To keep your path the same as before.
I know over time people change,
And paths might change too.
But that we see when we get to it.
And for 'now' not feel like we're in a ZOO!

Family

Where I come from,
The word family doesn't only mean your parents or brothers and sisters. For us, in our culture our cousins, parents cousins, parents aunt's and uncle's and so on and so forth are all family. I don't really know why I am writing this ... But I guess there are somethings that I need to get out.

My family is like,
Any other big Indian house hold.
From uncle's to aunt's and everyone else,
Have to say what they think has to be told.

It's so easy to make comments,
Its so easy to pass the blame.
But when it comes down to actuality,
To them it's all one big game.

'I am always there for you',
Is a line frequently used.
But whenever I am in dire needs,
There are other methods that I need to abuse.

I shouldn't be looking out for help,
It should come without being asked for.
Like I have been taught,
And like it has been done in my house from BEFORE.

As you grow older day by day,
This tangled web unwinds.
The 'happy family' picture we have as kids,
Slowly is lost from our minds.

The complications, the useless gossip,
Jumping to conclusions and all other talks,
Is a way of life it seems,
To keep everyone busy, everyone with or without jobs.

How they seem to interested in your life,
When all they really want to do,
Is tear you under the microscope piece by piece,
And pass their own judgement upon you.

But when it comes down to them and their lives,
Life is all about the hush hush and the down low.
Did they ever wonder if they were in the spot light,
As people would they grow?

I don't write this because I hate them or am upset,
contrary to thought I love them so.
No matter what, no matter when or where...
My beloved family is still my very own.

The problem that exits is big,
But the good thing is that I know,
With parents who are such great examples,
People living up to that standard is a NO NO.

I thank my stars everyday,
For the parents that I have.
Not only are they the best parents,
But also they are gods quality A brand.

Sometimes they get confused,
When they get lost in pools of opinions.
But eventually they make it through,
As though being woken up by the smell of sharp burning onions!

I guess this is my form of release,
And this is how I let go.
Of all the stupid things that go on,
And make me want to blow.

Fragile.

Yes its me who breaks down in tears,
For everything I feel; including my fears.
This is my form of release,
Without this, I cannot be at peace.
People tend to think I'm silly, just because I cry.
But they don't really see what's in me...
They might never,
Maybe not even after I die.
Crying helps me let go of it all,
Instead of holding on.
Makes me forget and forgive,
And move further on.
People who think that I am fragile...
Do you think you know me at all?
Because if you did you would never think,
To relate this to my soul.
Knowing me is not important,
For you I have a wish...
Know yourself and be happy,
And swim through life like a fish.

I know the last few posts have all been on the same lines... but I have been in that phase where this is all I want to write!
:)
So please bare with me!

Change...

As I look back in time... I realize,
How things change all around.

Be it in the house you live or even the street,
Or all those people who now you don't want to meet.

You know you do your best,
To keep everyone happy.
But still you feel that you failed the test,
And in return feel really crappy.

I know my verses sound childlike,
But honestly I say...
Its my way to deal with reality,
Which is changing everyday.

I'm not the kinda who blames it all,
On everyone else around.
But sometime it hurts when responsibility is up for grabs,
And nobody stands out of the crowd.

Sometimes I feel I'm being petty,
Letting it all get out of hand.
But then I see all that I did and feel...
'ts not that much that demand.'

All I ask for is a little time or even just a call.
To remind us of times we had be it summer, winter or fall.

I wonder if you realise,
Why I ask you for your time?
Do you ever wonder,
How I managed to survive all that time?

IT was our memories that kept me strong...
All those years I was away.
Even thought sometimes you made me feel,
Like a needle in hay.

I know you guys love me still,
Like I love you too
But I guess we have grown up and 'changed',
And somehow don't have a clue.

As I look back in time... I realize,
How things change all around.
Its a process we all go through...
The end of which is yet to be found.

To Me You Are MY ALL...

The 4 of you were by my side,
The laughter, tears, the whole ride,
I never thought that I would feel this way,
So lost without you, that I cannot say.
I miss the stupidity, the 'low down' phase,
The long aimless drives,
And the ruckus we raised.

D you are to me my all,
Without you, I wouldn't have grown.
You have always been supportive and by my side,
For that, by your way I will always abide!

G you are to me my all,
A friend, a daughter, a sister and more.
I know we have seen some rought times,
But between us that changes NOTHING at all.

S you are to me my all,
A friend, my fool and of course my score.
Seeing you upset can bring me down,
I always wish for you a cheer and never a frown!

A to me you are my all,
If not for you I was not me at ALL.
You came and changed my life so,
Without you how I would have gotten by...
I will never know!

I'm feeling... I don't really know what I'm feeling...!

I decided now that I have the time... I'm going to fill in my blog spot!

Just a glimpse of what is on my mind as of now!

Here I am sitting in my own house... Something I have been looking forward to do in SO long now...
In my room, in my house... with my dog... and the girls...
But something just doesn't feel right...

Something is either different or missing. I can't quite put my finger on it.
I don't know if I am feeling scared, upset, happy.... I really for once don't know...!

There are SO many things to look forward to.. and I am really happy to be back here.. (i think!) But still I feel like there is something missing...

What part of me have I lost of misplaced.. That's making me feel lost in my own territory...
Has it been that long that I feel like this is not mine anymore...??
Or is it just that its been SO long and change always brings strange feelings along with it...
????

Anyhow... Just something on my mind... and the time to pen it down!
:)

YOU...

... Have put up with my grumpiness more than anyone outside my family...
... Are Family...
... Make driving aimlessly a pleasure...
... Are the only one who takes my shit and makes me feel like nothing happened...
... Never answer the phone...!! :P
... Will always be my pillow...
... Are and always will be my bandar...
... Are the one person I feel the need to see almost everyday...
... I miss as though I've lost myself...
... Are my Yin...
... I get mad at in seconds...
... Are someone I can't be mad at for more than a second!
... Are the only one who'll miss my hamada! :P ...
... The only one who LOVES my stubborness...
... Are as stubborn as me, and I totally adore that...
... Have the best hugs ever that always make me feel secure...
... Spoil me to the max...
... Are always looking out for me...
... Always know when something is wrong...
... Always know and remember things that make me feel good...
... Always go out of your way to do things you can really do without (for me)
... Always make a note of the small things... that matter...
... Always know that most of the time... a hug is all I need...
... Come at 1am just to say 'hi' cause we haven't seen each other in 2 days!...
... Look at me and it makes me feel like everything will be alright...
... Have faith in me more than I have in myself...
... Will probably not know how to reply to this post,
But you will love me with all your might...

... And I literally love you more!

A Child Was Born Again!

7th January 2007.

We had a late night before, and last minute we decided on going on a field trip to a place called Fagnoon in a place in the country side of Cairo.I managed to wake myself up at about 815, drag myself out of bed and get ready. And get Geet (my housemate) and Salman (my Pakistani friend bunking on my couch) out of bed and get them ready.

We had our taxi out and waiting for us downstairs at about ten to 9. We had to go pick up a new trainee called Nath and head to the AAST Cairo's university. This trip was organized by the Aiesec team of that university. Reached there, met Boogie and a lot of the AAST Cairo Aiesec team. There was about 14 of us. Got together and jumped into this little mini bus ( mini van really ). The bus ride was about 50 mins away. It didn't seem that far away, there was enough singing and talking to keep us all going. There was a girl called Mayar who was totally freaking out the way the driver was driving (which I came to realise she should cause of the way SHE drives herself!).

Finally we arrive at this place caled Fagnoon. Its a guy who's a artist. He lived out of Egypt most of his life ( personally I feel he stayed in Italy) and now he came back to Egypt, bought a plot of land in the country side and decided to turn it into this art farm, or art school. Its a very very basic looking place made up with bits and pieces but its absolutely FANTASTIC! The pictures do not justify it. Its nice and peaceful and big. The first thing we did when we got off was got greeted by this guy. He kind of gave us this briefing and told us that we could choose any two activities. There are a lot of things to do on the farm. From painting, pottery, carpenter, carpet making and what not. He told us this is a place to come and find yourself, be yourself or be anyone you want to be. Be a child. Choose the age you want to be. 4, 5, 3, 12 whatever we fancied.He told us to take off and explore and see whatever we'd like!

So we took off!! The first thing we saw was these bunch of cots all lined up. They are all made with thick cotton and colorful strings. We got straight on and ran the way through to the other side like children! (well at least tried to run!!) To start with, this is what we did. Gave us the biggest smiles ever!

Then we went in further to discover that there were these strings up everywhere... WE could climb up onto them and plonk ourselves on them and be sitting close to the ceiling. Imagine to be like a HUGE hammock. That was seating about 12 - 14 of us at the same time! It was fantastic. Like monkey bars, or an obstacle course! :) After sitting and catching up with everyone we decided to get down to business. We all agreed that we would pick pottery and painting as our two activities! So first we hit the potters wheels.

There we all went and sat and found our wheels and started off... By the time we got to the second pot that we were doing.... started the clay fight! That was the end of the pot making!!! There was slush being thrown everywhere... We were running in all directions, chucking clay and mud on each other, making well sure that no one... I repeat NO ONE leaves clean. I managed to stay clean for some time to come, but them came the bucket of SLUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then no one was safe! The pictures dont tell you anything, because we were well clean while the pictures were bein clicked. After the cameras were put down, the dirt became soo much worse!It felt as though we had all gone back in time. Back in school when we used to have sand pits, and we used to get messy and not care. WE were all kids all over again! When you do whatever, not worrying about what others will think????!!!!! Who cares. This is something on children do. Do everything without judgment or the fear of being a football of other people's opinions. Its the most free feeling I've felt in yyyeeaaaarrssss!

After about a good hour or more I think we decided to kinda stop and try and clean up. But then again, every time someone would try and clean up we'd start up all over again. Anyhow, somehow we managed to stop and TRY to clean up! Time to clean up made us realize how dirty we all were. Slush and mud in our hair, bodies, clothes!! WE can't leave the chunks of clay to dry in the hair and had to get it out of our faces! Eyes, ears, noses alike! lol

Took some time off sitting and chatting and exploring the place while we waited for food! There were some swings about so we all headed there and sat there swinging and chit chatting and exploring the rest of the farm.

Food took some time to come, by which time people were all dead and waiting. We had ordered something called Fatir. It’s like this one big pie but this one was plain. You can have it in different ways, stuffed with all you want. But we had it plan along with honey, black honey (molasses) and some sort of cheese as the dips to go along! That was fantastic!After food we were all rejuvenated! It was time to PPAAIINNTTTT!!!Went up to the higher floor. The Floor and everything was covered in paint! It was great. WE were given a piece of wood each and bunch of water based paints and brushes and we were allowed to do what we liked. So we all plonked ourselves down on the floor and began. The idea was to be kids so the painting was like kids too. Finished our paintings and guess what we went onto doing. Of course... PAINT FIGHT! That was fabulous! It started in a very civilized manner, and then it just got down right ugly! Not only were we painitng on people, we were splattering our brunshed on people and then just blatently throwing the tiny tubs of paint on each other! Some people decided to be chiken and run away!! ;) But we managed to cover everyone with paint eventually! :D

After this we were well tired. Managed to find a comfy spot and stay put till the time came to leave. Whether it was out on the swings, or the weird high hammock things close to the cielings!This was such an eventful day. I came to meet a wonderfull bunch of people and spend a fantastic day with them, and share memories with them for the rest of my life. This is definatly one of those unforgettable days for me. Its made such an impact in my life.

In the whole rush of wanting to grow up... as children we loose the innocence and childlikeness that we all have. I think its high time we go out and find what we once lost.... Its something that keeps one sane. Think of it like therapy if you make. Some people do laughter therapy, others work out etc etc. Try and see if finding the child in you works for you. I think it works for everyone. Gives you the rush of energy that's needed and the break for the world of pretend that we live in. There are only a few times in life I feel like people can be themselves. And in times like these... those moments of being the way we really want to be.... are dissappearing...So make the most of things... and if you get a chance to do something like this... GO FOR IT... If not... I'll make sure I take you through a life changing experience once you come to visit me here in Cairo or at least try and make my own way to show you this anywhere in the world!

As always, with all my love and well wishes. Hope you enjoyed another day of my life! And maybe felt a bit light hearted :) I'm feeling as light as a feather and as innocent and playful as a child!!! :)

A NIGHT OUT IN CAIRO (the other side of the city!)

[NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT.]

19th Oct, 2006.
I must say has to be one of the most eventful evening's I have ever spent!:)

My German friend, Didier was leaving Egypt on the 20th so we decided we have to all
spend time together before he leaves. He was spending the day with me at work,
so after we decided to go and get some sheesha and food and chill out. Went to my
favorite joint, called El Shader. Its the best place ever. So chilled out and
totally cool!

There was Ron, Didier and myself over there. We were supposed to be joined by Didier's boss Mac
who decided to join us at home instead of Shader.

We headed home and decided we'll relax and chit chat there with a couple of
beers. ( Little did we know that the night had a lot more in store for us!;))

Mac was this vibrant man, over the top a bit, but I loved that about him! He was soo
English.. brought back soo many memories... A few phrases that he used took me straight
back to being in Birmingham. I was having a good laugh.

We were soon joined by my Mexican friend called Manuel. He was a bit bored himself so he decided
to join in our evening... Little did he know how this night was going to turn out!:)

All of a sudden at about 10 30 we decided that my air con wasn't doing a good job of cooling
so we should go out somewhere. And Of course, Didier being the FAB dancer that he
is, we decided to go dancing. Went to Cairo Jazz club and didn't get in. It was a
special night on and it was either reservations or couples only. We were 4 guys and
only 1 me!:)

So we decided to move somewhere else. Being that it was too early, Mac suggested his local
pub in Maadi. He said we could go and play pool for a while till it was partying time!
We were all fine with that.

The other highlight of the night was the driver we had. The men were nice enough to
squeeze in at the back and give me the front seat. But I think I would have done anything
to trade!!!
We had a hero driver who I'm sure thought he was gonna get to work in one of the bond
movies or something like the fast adn the furious... Or he wanted to be a ralley driver
or he just had a subconcious wish to die!!(AND TAKE US WITH HIM)
I have never seen driving at such rediculously high speeds in the middle of high traffic
and trucking areas!!
The fact that the guy was havin a beer with us was enough for me belt up and pray for dear life!

Anyhow, We took of from close to where I live to Maadi. Reached this place. It was called Maharaja and Zen Zen.
Indian and Chinese cusine. I was a bit confused. I thought we were going to a pub. Never the less I thought maybe
they had a bar inside.
I had to make a quick phone call so I told the guys to carry on inside and that I would join them in a couple of minutes.
As I was finishing up my phone conversation, I saw Didier and Ron walk out and wait for me. As soon as I finished,
they had these funny looks on their face.
They came and said, 'well, its kinda dodgy, not really... just full of hookers!'
'Oh well', I said. What can we do:) Its gonna be an experience. So in we went.
Walked through the empty resteraunt to the back to a set of doors. As soon as we walked through those doors the whole scene changed.
Tables to start with, a pool table, a bar and lots of women! Not Egyptian. By the looks of it they were either from Thailand, or Sudan.
More black women though.

Walked to the end and got the last table in the place. I first sat facing the enterence and then I felt like I had to turn my back to
the audience. So I changed seats.
Now that I had my back to the place, I was facing Ron, Didier, Mac and the wall!!:) Which wasn't too bad at all!!:)
Manuel was doing a great job of filling me in on all details of what was going on behind me. :)
How he thought that the women were UGLY:) and there was only one who could probably be transported out and passed off other wise!

I was absolutly fine there .. and didn't really bother about anything, till the time one of the girls came over to the table next to us, to get 'nothing'
and look and me and gimme this look!
That's when I sort of, kind of felt umcomfortable. Just that look.
Manuel was quick to tell me that the look was soo specifically, ' we do not like new faces around here..'!
LOL
and just checking out who I was and how I was..!! Oh dear.. that was fun...
I have to say.. it was an experience...

After a while of chit chatting and singing along (to some really good music that was put on by Mac on the jukebox) we decided to go to the other place Mac
had told us about. So that we could dance a bit and basically get out of the place which was kinda making people feel awkward. Well it wasn't that bad for me.
I was taking it as an experience. My friend Didier was too worried about what people would say or think!:)
You could see it on his face. He msged me saying, ' awkward'! hehe

OK. Decided to take off from the place. Didier and I were walking out and I all of a sudden was very concious of the fact that I was walking arm in arm with him!
My instant reaction was to push him away!:) How strange. I don't care what people think on a normal basis, but still somehow I still managed to seperate and walk away!

Our bond driver went off to go and get the car. While we were waiting talking about the other place that we were going to.
All of a sudden there was this car reversing at full speed and screetching! That soo had to be our car. The driver was a great guy.. but I probably won't
be sitting in the car he's driving again!
:)

Another 20 minutes of hard core praying to grab on to dear life... And there we were. In a place called 'Coma' (Ok with a name like that, I should have figured really.
There weren't many other options for how it would be!:)
It was in a hotel. Walked in and saw this biiigggg huuuggeee ugly face on the left hand side. With its mouth WIDE open! This was the enterence to the club!
THe good thing was this club was ABSOLUTLY empty. SO basically it was all to ourselves. No matter shady or not.
Mac told them not to play arabic music and automatically they switched to english 80's music!

We stayed there for an hour or so. Dancing, well at times or like complete lunatics at times:)
Which was absolutly great fun. It was the first time for Manuel to see us like that.. We all know we're insane, it was his first time to see it! lol

At about 20 to one my tummy wasn't really helping me. It was giving me a bit of a hard time ( I had just about recovered from an upset tummy!) So I decided that we will leave by 1. I was going to take either Manuel or Ron back with me but both of them were ready to leave as well!
While we were leaving, the DJ put on some songs that really took me waaayyy back in time. I grew up listening to these songs, Seeing my parents hear and dance to these songs. I had to stay back and dance a bit longer.

At about quater past my tummy just couldn't stand it anymore.. I had to leave to go home and to my bed!
So I decided to take leave! Three of us left Didier and Mac to enjoy their night which continued till about 4 in the morning!:)
I dont think I could have done it with the work I had the next day!

All in all it was on hell of an entertaining night. We all had a good laugh. Glad we could actually take it in good spirits. Ron and Manuel were surprised that I took it in the right spirits. AS far as I'm concerned its all good for an experience. ITs a side of Egypt I would have never gotten to see otherwise..!
Like I said. I think I was a bit taken aback only because its Egypt. THis in India or Thailand or elsewhere is expected. Here it took some time to sink in!

I dont have many pcitures of the night.. Just one of the pick up joint we went to. Miguel did go to the loo as an excuse to get pictures and was being inticed by the women on the way there.. But he failed to get more than one picture.. He thought he got them but he didn't!
I would say better luck next time... But I am not so sure that there will not be a next time!:) lol
So you got to make do with what we have!
:)

TIme for me to sign off! Lots of love to all as always,
Regina Felangi! ;)

EGYPT VS CONGO LIVE!!!!! I've never felt so EGYPTIAN!:)

3rd of Feb, 2006.

There is the African Cup 2006 going on. And its being held in Cairo. FOOTBALL!!
What I didn't realize was that the Egyptians are crazier than the English when it comes to footy!!
Who would have known!
On the 2nd of Feb I got a call asking if I wanted a ticket to go see the quarter final match between Egypt and Congo!
There have been two matches before this. The first one I didn't watch and I got blamed for the game tying!
I was told I was an Egyptian now..and because I didn't watch it... They tied and didn't win!
The second game I went to watch in a friend coffee shop and Egypt won (2-1)!!
Hence why I was told I have to go watch this match! I claimed that Egypt will do extremely well as I was going to watch the match!!:)
A friend of mine came to pick me up at about half 12 in the afternoon. Even though the match was not until seven!!
Apparently they shut the gates at 4 so you have to be in before that!
And the stadium itself is ffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr away!!
WE met up with a few more of the girls and we were off!!
Flags out of all windows and the sun roof! Cheering away to glory!!!
Got to the stadium and I could feel the energy of the people!!:) there was thousands of people all around. Dressed in red, white and black! the Egyptian colors!
Met a few more of my friends... and we started walking in. There were so many people!!! We had to pass through 4 security gates before we actually got in!!
We got and went to get our seats!! WE were right up close... and had seat in the middle...
It was really good...
Slowly in a matter of mins the stadium got completely full up...And then started the cheers...
There were all sorts of cheers...all in Arabic of course!! There were a zillion flags being waved around, there were whistles, the Egyptian tabla which people use with the cheers, the huge drums, the horns, the big funny hats, the colorful wigs, the people with the faces painted... red, black and white!!
From four up until half six... there was so much cheering going on.. And the teams hadn't even arrived yet!!:)
Then they showed the busses for the teams pull up... As soon as that was on the screen the stadium went totally ballistic!!
There were screams and cheers...
They play four beats on the tabla and as soon as they are done, people scream " MASR!" Which is the name of EGYPT
There is soo much emotion... Can you just imagine....20,000 people screaming MASR at the same time!!!
It was totally crazy.
Then came the teams on the ground it self... Of course everyone was on their chairs and screaming out players names...
They had the two teams stand together, had the national anthems done.
Of course the national anthem for Congo went unnoticed, but when it came to Egypt. Just think about 20,000 people singing it LOUD AND CLEAR!
Anyhow... The game started and so did the cheers!!
I'll try my best to explain them to you!!
Then there was one, which is actually a song.. but its a good cheer for the Egyptians I guess... It goes like this...
" a la la la la la la la la la la la la, eh da eh da eh da eh da eh da eh da da!"
the a la la is just la la as you figured.. eh da means what's this!!
Then there was ... Hopa eh Hopa aa Insha Allah hanek Sab! Which is ... hopa eh hopa aa.. god willing we will win!
Then there was another one... This also was for the goal keeper from the Egyptian side... he does this dance when he makes a good save or when Egypt scores... So the whole stadium is screaming "Oros Hadere!" Which means Dance Hadere!!
Hadere is the guy;s name....
Then there is one where they just count... Wahd, Itnen, Taleta, Arbaa
One, two, three, four...
I didn't really figure out why they did that till after the match.. I thought it just went well with the tabla!!:)
but I realized that's its a way of saying that's how the goals keep coming. one after another!!
Its like counting goals before they come!
The Egyptian team is not a bad team. They are above average. And they can really hold up their game.
They were playing very aggressively but kept missing the goals in the first 15 mins or so.
Then came a goal from one of their players who has been in the team forever!
The man is 39 and still going strong!! After that, they just kept coming!!:)
They scored twice in the first 45 mins!! It was fantastic... every time the ball was close to any goal post... every one would stand up from their seats!! no one wanted to miss anything!!
Then Congo scored once. It was the most silly goal I've ever seen... It was sheer luck I guess...
Anyhow.. Then there was the waves in the crowd...
The whole stadium had the wave running around it... Once it started there was no way it would end unless its done about five or six rounds..!! Please were very enthusiastic!!
After the first 20 mins of so... The group I was there with, we were all going completely mad:) I was cheering with them in Arabic.. We were dancing on the chairs... clapping.. playing the table... waving the flags... screaming on the top of our lungs!!
It was amazing.. The spirit was just so high at that time I swear I felt EGYPTIAN!!
I've never felt like this before...
Maybe because it was my first time to go and see a live match.. or maybe EGYPTIANS are totally mad when it comes to footy!
No matter what... I have to say this was an experience of a lifetime!!
The next half say Egypt scoring two more goals. Egypt won 4-1!!!
Time up was the best thing ever!! It was like the whole of Egypt was celebrating!!
WE tried to rush our way out of the stadium... There were oh so many people ...
Everyone was screaming, singing... hugging each other!! so over excited.. and why shouldn't they be!!
It was so good!!! There was a strange energy... The whole of the country came together!! Its all for football!! I guess we do it when it comes to cricket as well.. But I still feel that there was more oneness here... I don't know why....
Came out and started making our way to the cars... it was like one big fat carnival outside.... people dancing on the roads.. cars everywhere.... people hooting their horns in a certain way to announce that Egypt had won... People hanging out of their cars screaming MASR absolulty over joyed with the fact that they had won!!
Roads were totally jammed... getting to places took forever!!
But the sprit was there.. which made the traffic seem a lot less painful. People walking by.. congratulating each other.. so happy... for each other:) random strangers talking and dancing together... fireworks on the roads!!!
you name it .. and it was there!!!
I've never seen people so united ever!!
I was never really a footy fan... But living in England taught me to enjoy it...
Even there I have not seen such spirit like I saw today!!
Its about 130 AM right now.. I got back home like half and hour back...and believe you me.. I can still hear the cars honking away and people screaming MASR!!:)
So after this great evening.. I was told I must go see all matches Egypt plays.. if not I must at least watch them on the telly..and My friend believe I'm the lucky mascot:)
I shall definitely do that for all of them! And for the great time and oneness they showed me!!
It was really an experience worth having and I'm glad I did!!
Who would have thought, Me and FOOTBALL!!:)
But It was GREAT!!!!!

Chinese New Year 2005

This is what I wrote in Feb this year....It was Chinese New year here in Shanghai...Hope you enjoy it!



I just had to get up and write this out..I don't think I could have slept otherwise!

It was the 8th night (feb 2005), One night before Chinese New Year!
People had told us that it would be really colourful...But as far as I was concerned there was nothing great till 1030 that night....I mean our houses are more lit up and decorated on Diwali in India...

I got ready to go to bed at 1030. Read a little and then tried to sleep... There were sounds of pataka's (fire crackers) and ladi's but it wasn't much!

Just as I kind of got some sleep...All of a sudden there was non stop noise! So much of that one just could not sleep...even if they tried!
The dark room was all lit up by all the light outside! It was totally crazy...even if you had the curtains drawn.. the light was fighting its way into your room!
I had to get up and see what all the fuss was about...
It was about quater to 12 in the night... All I had to do was life my head to look out the window..
And it was gorgeous!
There were fireworks everywhere!:) It looked like shooting stars all over!!
It was very very noisy... but that didn't seem to matter after a little while!
The colours were soo enchanting and beautiful...
BLue, Red, Green, Yellow, Gold, Silver, Purple, Orange...And soo many more!
There was constant noise of the ladi's going on at the back...
Like the one's that are really long...like 1km.
THis is like Diwali for them, Just that the Chinese are totally mad when it comes to fire works!:)

I could see all the different types of fireworks..near and far....you could see quite a bit away..
But it only took a matter of five mins or so for the city of Shanghai to dissappear right before my very eyes... Apart from the four big buildings closest to my apartment complex, I could see NOTHING....
No houses, no buildings...small or big....ABSOLUTLY NOTHING!
I decided to go out in the balcony to have a look.. It was gorgeous!
The people outside our building were bursting the most beautiful fire crackers... And it was all there...right in front of me!!
Soo close!! It was beautiful...Brought quite the smile to my face!
But unfortunately I could not stand there for more than five mins..
It got way too smoky for me to be standing there.. I could breath and sense the pollution... In my throat!

Once I got back in ...I got back in my bed and was still looking out my window. I could see the fireworks close by! and a few specs which were the fireworks happening at a distance!
Because of the cloud of smoke, you could not really make out much!
It was about 1235 at night and the firerackers were still going strong!
There were less of fireworks in the sky...but the noise was still there going strong!
It was totally crazy..I just could not stay in bed...I had to write about it!

Hope you maybe tried and imagined how my Chinese New Year started!:)

Its a shame something this beautiful comes with a price... A price of pollution...
In which the beautiful city of Shanghai was lost in for a few days!

Kung Hei Fat Choi....Which means happy chinese new year....to all of you!

Pets, Me & China:)

I am what they call an animal lover!!

You have to see me when there are animals around me!
From dogs, cats, to cows...I just love animals...
At one point in life..I so wanted to work in the Sandiago Zoo....!!
I think I might just try and volunteer sometime in my life:)

I have been in Shanghai for about 3 months now....
And I miss dog back in India.... I swear she is more human though!

I wanted to get myself a pet....Cause its just me!
I told me driver to take me someplace they sell pets..
So he took me to the cricket market on ' '....
It wasn't the best thing to look at...but still we ventured in!

One shop after the other...One could hear me getting louder and louder:)
"awww", "oh so cute!" so on and so forth!:)

My first pet in Shanghai believe it or not was a tiny little turtle...
A terrapin really..:)
But unfortunately he fell very ill and died...
I was really miserable for about three days...
After which I decided I needed another pet or else I would not be happy!

So then...I was back off to the Cricket market..With my driver...(who
loves this market....wants me to go there every week so he can go
too:)!)

There were so many animals there...
Puppy's who were just adorable....Cats and kitten's 'meowing' away in
there little cages...(but I wouldn't dare get a cat, my mother is not
a cat person!)
Birds of all sorts, different shapes and sizes and colours!!
Fish...!! the amount of fish and variety...!!
Frogs, Turtles, Roaches, different types of reptiles, Hamsters, Mice,
Rabbits, I mean you could find just about any animal there...and if
not...you just have to ask and people will manege to get one for you
somehow!

After roaming around for quite some time...I came across this side
stall where this lady had a huge cage full of little bunny rabbits!!
They were just so adorable...
White ones with pink eyes!!
Black ones, dark grey ones with patched of different colours.....
Amongst about 25 or so of them....There was this wittle bunny
wabbit...who was just the cutest!!
I didn't know if it was a he or a she, how old it was...All I knew is
it was just a replica of bugs bunny...The same grey colour....A white
belly and white socks on her paws:)
I knew the second I saw this bunny..It was going to be mine...
I made up my mind...
I was a bit weary because I wasn't too sure about the health...But I
did read about how to get your pet..and what all I must look out for
before buying.

The other thing about this market is that NO ONE speaks English...
None whatsoever...No calculators...(at least I didn't come across any)
So if you do go there...make sure you got someone who speak Chinese!

Anyhow...After I got her, I fixed an appointment with the vet to clear
doubts and wonder if I bought my pet from a decent place or not!
It wasn't really a pet store we're used to!
But I was told it was perfectly fine...and I had a very healthy little
bunny who was about 6-8 weeks old..and was a she!!

I named her Lola bunny and she has been the excitement of the house...
She gets all the loving one could ever want. My mother, who is not
much of an animal person really....wants to hold and pet her most of
the time! My father is always happy to give her some love, he is more
like me when it comes to animals...
And with me of course she is my baby!!
She makes me smile....she is just like a little baby...you hold her
for a little while and she falls asleep in my arms like a little
baby!!
Its such a good feeling...as soon as I open the door to come in the
room after I have left her....
I have this little thing running towards me...As though she's complaining...
Its nice to have her! She's always happy to see you!:)

She has got smiles to all of us.. And is so precious!!
Now comes the hard part of litter training her..and trust me....ITS NOT EASY!:)
But having a pet is sure worth it!

If you're an animal lover....I would suggest you just go down to the
market and have a walk around...Its not too big, not very clean either
but still worth a visit...
You get to see quite a few interesting animals there...all sorts of
pets people in China keep:)

Mother Teresa's children's Home in Jangpura; My Experience

‘How will it be?’, ‘Will they like me?’, ‘How will I react?’, were just the kind of questions which were in my mind when I entered Mother Teresa’s home in Jangpura. The ‘not knowing’ what’s going to happen feeling, was exciting as well as scary.

Anyhow, up the stairs and through this door lead us to a long corridor, with doors leading to different rooms. The first door led us to a room of children who are 80% physically ok. There were some wounds on their body that were visible ( which were caused by the kids fighting amongst themselves ), but that was about it. They could walk around, run around, talk to you, understand you, scream, shout and run just like any other child.

The next door opened to a big room with a whole lot of cots. The kids in this room were mostly mentally and physically challenged. They needed assistance in anything and everything they had to do. To move, to eat, to sit, or even go to the toilet.

The third room at the end of the corridor was the one that got to me the most. It was full of cots just like the one before…Just with a few more cots in it. Though these cots weren’t for disabled children. This room had new born babies and children under two years old . Kids who have been abandoned!! The first question that came to mind was, ‘ How can people just abandon such little, beautiful, new born, or young cute kids?’

As we walked in.. A whole lot of kids came running and charging at us. They were so very happy to see us. They all wanted to hug us… be around us and not leave our sides. At first I don’t really think I was feeling anything, then the felling of , ‘oh my god, how do I do this!!??’ and then the realisation of how these kids are no different from other kids their age. That whole things from no feeling, to ‘oh my god’, to they are lovely took less than one minute of my time. It was incredible. Sure there were times I felt so bad for some of them, I used to cry after leaving and thank god that he made me the way I am, and gave me the family I have.

The first day we went there, we didn’t really get to do much. We were a little late. As we entered the kids were having their lunch served to them. To my surprise, leaving two kids, all the children were eating by themselves. Mentally or physically challenged or not.

I volunteered to feed one girl called Dolly, while Simran sat and gave the other kids company. She spoke to them and gave them company. A girl called Babita got extremely attached to Simran, while I grew very fond of Dolly. Every time I went there, I would sit with her, help her and feed her. She could understand me perfectly, she just couldn’t reply back because of her disability. Her head was permanently bent to the right, she couldn’t walk or use her hands . She needed constant care. Someone to constantly remind her to straighten her head ( which was very difficult for her ). Even opening her mouth to take food in was an effort….Her brain knew what to do…but it took time for the brain to send the message to the muscle and make her do something. Nobody knew why she was like that….The sister’s believed it was a birth defect…I wasn’t so sure myself.

One day I went to the home and found Dolly missing. I got extremely worried as I had become quite fond of her and knew that she could not manage by herself. It was then I found out that she had gone back to her home. That got me a little more worried for her. Will anyone in her family be able to give her the care she needed? Will anyone have the time or patience for her? To try to understand her or anything she might want. Or just to sit and talk to her. I know that’s what she really wanted. Just someone’s company…for someone to sit and talk to her. But all I could do now, was hope and pray that she would be well taken care of.

After a few visits, it got a bit confusing for us. Now that all the kids knew who we were, they all wanted our attention. Altogether and all at once. We didn’t know who to be with. With one child one minute and another the other. They all used to keep pulling and fighting over us. Which really wasn’t good. It took us sometime to make them all understand that we would manage to spend time with all of them. It was just that they would have to wait and have just a little patience. How do you make any 5, 6 , 7 or 8 year old understand that! That was the time we didn’t know how to handle the kids.

Then came the end of summer and time for both Simran and myself to return to our respective countries. I don’t know about Simran, but I sure felt like it was one of the hardest things I had to do. Leave all those children behind. I could see how they would eagerly wait for us around lunch time. It was the bright few hours of the day for them, when they had someone else apart from the sisters to be with them, play with them, talk to them.

At the beginning, as I mentioned earlier, I used to really thank god that I was the way I was. Had a family to take care of me and my needs, had myself in one piece, didn’t have some one beating me or treating me unjustly. But at the end of the two months, I realised that each one of these children were very special in their own way. They had the will to go on, and the positive attitude that very few adults have. I hope and pray that all these children get adopted to good homes and a few good people who manage to make donations and generous enough to help cure the other children there with the medical help that is needed.