Constant Learning. Lesson xx - Learn to be alone

For people like me, who have been used to having a support system, whether with friends or family anywhere that we have gone... It is probably the hardest lesson to learn. But we MUST learn this lesson. Once you master this (which I am far from!) life will seem a lot easier. Things will be much easier to deal with and accept.

Everything in life passes. Whether its a good feeling or a bad one. Everything passes. Good and bad... We need to understand this to be able to live a little more peacefully!

Recently I've just gone through a bit of an accident which could have been catastrophic. Everyone in the car was safe but two of my closest friends have had whiplash and need to take care of themselves or will have a very hard time in the future with complications to their health. The others and I have gotten away with bruising and aches and pains which is normal after the kind of impact the car had at the time of the collision. I can't stop thinking about my friends who I wish have a speedy recovery!

But things like this make you really think a few things through. In so many instances around you!
You get to know who are the people in your life to stay, who is there to leave, who is there to talk and do nothing... etc etc...


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So I started this blog ages ago... and now I have made peace with it... in short... Learn to be alone... Its the hardest thing you will have to learn if you are anything like me... But its a MUST to know... :)

*Missings, feelings, ramblings*

Being strong is something great... its a power we all possess in different amounts...
Just a few lines I want to pen down... thinking out loud of a feeling that goes by every now and then!

I wake up in the morning, to think of you,
The last dream I remember, was obviously with you,
Checking my phone a zillion times a day,
To try and see if you think of me and miss me the same way.

Its time for me to be strong,
I know I have the will to go on,
But all I wish for from time to time,
Is the feeling to know that one day you will be mine.

Not a day goes by without thinking of you,
Not a thing passes me, without reminding me of you,
I don't know if I have ever felt this way before,
But its a feeling that right now, I'm not sure I adore...

I always smile at the thought of your face,
That naughty smile, those glittering eyes and your warm embrace,
The chirpy hugs, kisses and attention I'd get before,
Now those are feelings I do and always will adore!

I miss you asking about me,
Expressing how you feel, without being weird,
Miss being told how much I'm missed,
Being held without being feared.

I keep myself busy and try to stay calm,
Without you though, that feeling sets off an alarm,
I am so amazed at myself for feeling this way,
Don't know if its a weak way of being, or a new, strong ray.

So today I ask for the courage to be,
A stronger, more patient and happier me,
To make my will go on longer and stronger,
Waiting for you and thinking of memories and times, to which I grow so much more fonder...

Gentle reminders. Thank you Steve Jobs!

Steve Jobs has recently resigned and that has lead to the world paying much more attention to him. Which is great I think, because the way that man thinks is brilliant! He is a great speaker and I truly feel that he needs to and has soo much more to share with the world!

He gave a speech (amongst so many that he has given) where he concentrated on just three things. Those three things are the most important if you look at it...

1) Connecting the dots - Have faith in the ways of the world and specially when you are following your heart. Whether it is with regards to education, work, love anything! Know and have faith in the fact that at some point in life, all the dots will connect. One can never see what is happening in the present and what for, but trust the fact that the dots WILL connect in the end. Call this ways of the world, the universe, karma, ways of God... Look at it anyway you can see the true meaning of it for you.

2) Love - The most important thing in one person's life. There has to be love and passion for anything and everything. The work you do, the people you interact with, the lovers in life, family ties, IT ALL! Where would you be without love? Have faith in yourself, your heart and your intuition... They somehow already seem to know what you want before you do... :)

3) Death - Believe it or not, look at life and you'll see that we are born to eventually die. Death is inevitable. So the earlier we realise this, the more we learn how to truly live life. Wake up and ask yourself one question, 'If this was my last day, would I be doing everything the same way?' or ... 'If I were to live tomorrow, what would I do that I have not done so far' Start living, make the most of the journey, cause the final destination is death! :)

Live life, be happy, be sad (but not for long), spread joy, harmony, be humble, be daring, be aspirational, be passionate, be human, be superhuman, be forgiving, be soo many things... at the end of the day, be happy!

Dukhte hue dil aur inn chand panktiyon ka koi naam nahi hai...

Yeh dil rota hai tere liye,
Bahe yeh aason, tere liye...
Tu mera hokar bhi mera na ho saka,
Yeh dil kitna roya hai aaj, tere aur mere liye...

Na jaane meri kismat mujhe kya sikhana chahti hai,
Mere dil pe roz ek naya khel kilati hai,
Jeetna ya harna nahi batati,
Lekin dil dukha ke, ro ke, rola ke, jaane kya jataati hai...

Roke na ruke yeh aason,
Behlaye na behle yeh dil.
Itna dard de kar samjhana,
Kyu nahi lagta kisi aur ko mushkil?

Mere aason sirf mere hai...
Mera dukh sirf mera hai...
Baatne waala koi ho kar bhi...
Sab kuch mujhe sehna akele hai...

Meri zindagi ke kal main kya basa hai kya koi jaane,
Lekin mere aaj ke liye koi na hai sahara,
Rab se dua hai meri dilon jaan se,
Kisis aur ko mere jaisa na banana...

Sab sahne ki sakti hai,
Lekin apne aap pe na hai kuch laagu,
Kab koi samajh sakega mujhko,
Kab main is bure sapne se jaagu?

:( :'(

Tumhare intezaar main sanam,
Kahi yeh dil pathhar na ho jaye,
Main to yeh bilkul nahi chahti,
Lekin dar hai kahi yeh muqaddar na ho jaye.

Aaj hui hai yeh aankh nam,
Jaane Kya rahega kal yeh gum?
Itna kyu sochti hun main?
Kyu nahi aapne aapko rokti hun main?

Aaj pehli baar, mera dukhta dil kuch bola hai,
Jaane kyu aaj isne apna muh khola hai,
Aage jaake koi samjhe ya na samjhe,
Bina yeh soche aaj yeh dil roya aur bola hai...

... Aur likha nahi jaraha...
Ek hi sawaal dimaag main hai aa raha...
Dil tu akhir kyu rota hai?
Duniyan main to aisa hi hota hai... henna?

Dil aakhir tu kyu rota hai? Duniya main yehi hota hai...

Obviously, things dont always go the way we want...
There are times we have to put a heavy strong on our heart and make some tough choices... I probably going to have to do that soon enough...

Usi ke baare main sochte hua, yeh mujhe yaad aaya... quite apt I thought, so sharing the same... my fav line being, 'Dil tu aakhir kyu rota hai? Duniya main aisa hi hota hai...' :(

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
...Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai ?
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai...

Yeh jo gehre sannaate hain
Waqt me sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi namm hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai ?
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai...

Life and some teachings...

Life teaches you so many things... As we grow older, we interact with different people and have different experiences. Some good, some bad, some ugly, some Amazing and so on and so forth. But at the end of the day, we go through all of these things to learn. Constant learning is happening in our lives. The moment you think that you know it all, or 'at your age' you've seen it all and a lot, life will remind you of HOW wrong you are. Some people chose to notice those reminders and the others just ignore them. Its a personal journey we all have to make.

Life teaches you lessons that you don't really want to learn... But ever thought for a second that maybe you 'need' to learn these lessons. You have a path made out for you chose to walk on it wisely or not... Yes we have to make mistakes, this is how we learn. Yes life isn't a cake walk, who the hell led you to that misconception...??
But one has gotta live it...

People think they know you, and you know them, but really, no one knows yourself better than you. So you need to make your decisions and choices, whether those get changed at a later stage or not. You need to do what you think right at that moment. LIVE at your own risk. Do not care about what people say or think. I have in the past few years been thrown off my own path because 'people talk'! How ridiculous was it that I let it affect me! And I realised, that no matter what kind of person you truly are, people will paint their own picture of you. Even the people who 'supposedly' know you will paint their own picture the second they hear something that doesn't sound familiar to them.

Anyway, life is a learning, through and through. It teaches you many a things... and I for one have learnt so much in the recent past. The biggest learning I must say, is that we are probably better off alone... Coming from a person like me, this is really hard to believe... I'm not sure that I truly stand by this... Probably not... But I'm kind of feeling alone right now... Which is where this comes from.

To all my friends who have their bubbles... Keep em... Once they burst and life gets a jaded tint, its really hard to be strong. One has to be really strong to be positive through all the shit that might come your way. I feel like I'm one of the few who is fairly strong and will smile through the shit... Just sometimes when the lows are hard... I chose to disappear... Or be silent... I do believe that silence is the biggest cry for help from a woman... Just that people don't know this fact...

On that note... ... ... ... ... ...

Some memories ALWAYS put a smile on your face!

We have all heard 'MY favourite things' from the movie 'The Sound of Music' at some point or the other. That really does help you see how thinking of some things, your favourite things can always chirpen you up and brighten your day! :)

Similarly, there are ALWAYS certain memories that bring a smile to your face. This is not restricted! [OK, I have to admit it works...! I was just in a rotten mood for a certain reason, and instead of concentrating on the reason I just thought of happier moments. It surely worked!:)]

Anyhow, back to the point. Some places you went at some time with someone... Conversations, looks exchanged, a nice warm hug, a drive holding some one's hand, a kiss that was snuck in at some point, something as silly as a chocolate that was bought for you by someone unexpected and the look on a friends face when he/she is truly happy.

*sigh* How I wish everyone had the power to reach in to happy memories and make themselves happier people! :)

Here is to happy memories... and some of you reading... know exactly what I mean... No matter what, no matter how one behaves, no matter who pushes one away, no matter how bad a day gets, no matter how big a fight is, no matter what the misunderstanding... Happy thoughts, happy memories, happy smiles, lots of love and faith... ALWAYS!

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

The title of this post is from a song... But I don't really mean it in the same sense.

You know I have gone through a funny phase this past year... Felt like I had lost my grounding a bit and have taken a full circle trying to make my way back.

Finally, in the recent past, I had decided that it was time to get back into action in a lot of ways in my life and I did. I know that when I get down to something, plan in my head and decide what I need to do, I just go ahead and do it. And when I want something with a clear and earnest heart, I get it too.

Things have started moving in the direction they should, and everything is going well... I'm happy yet I feel like there is a void in me. I'm happy yes, but sometimes I feel like I'm happy only on the outside... I've never ever in my life felt this before... I am one who emotes and feels every emotion to the fullest...

I knew that in a months time I needed to get a job, which paid me a certain amount, post which I need to start looking for an apartment and things would start sitting in place...

I got a job, which paid me what I asked for (contrary to what most people thought about what I'd get) I know that taking an apartment and everything else that needs to happen will also happen. I'm happy because as always, when I really put my mind to what I want, I get it... But this time round... for some reason, my heart is not truly happy... I feel a void. Normally I would have probably reacted questioning this feeling and pulling myself down about it. But this time, I'm observing the feelings inside of me for a change. I'm not reacting to them, just observing them. It is a different feeling, I can't really seem to explain it.

I'm happy, grateful, hopeful and looking forward to a lot. But still feel like there is something missing... Is it a part of me? Is it something else? I have no idea... All I know is that the day may be bright, but I'm not my brightest. The flower may be beautiful, yet I don't pay attention to it the way I normally would. I can smell the coffee, but it doesn't taste as strong. I feel a little numb inside... and I just don't know why... I might have a slight idea as to what it might be... But I wont know for sure till what I'm thinking of in my head, happens.

So... Here I am... living each day as it comes. I guess this is yet another something new for me to go through :)

It's a little bit funny... This feeling inside!

...alone...

At the end of the day...
We're another day older...

Another day older,
Is not as bad as before...

The only thing that pinches somewhere...
Is that I am still all alone...

Plans are what we make for ourselves...
And life is what happens while we do that...

But somewhere I'd wished,
For someone like me,
To be able to hold my hand and see,
Where I'd like to see myself,
With that someone like me...

All alone in what I'm going through,
No one will know, not even you...
There is no way to make this any better,
Than to look at now and HOPE for better...

Hope and faith keeps us alive...
Alone or not, giving us the will to survive...

The show must go on...

Sometimes ever thing you do, is never enough. No matter how hard you try to do things in a certain manner, so that you and everyone around you can be happy... It just doesn't seem to happen.

Whether you do things right or wrong, you end up going through the same situations. Its a real morale killer I must say! But when you look back, you can see that everything is a choice you make.

You can choose to be sad about all the things that are going on in your life, or you chose to have a happier outlook in life. I for one can say with all my heart, that life has been throwing a lot, A LOT of curve balls my way. All I can keep doing in hitting them outta the ball park! :) I don't want to get striked out and do not want to make small runs. I want to hit all the balls out of the park, and that's exactly what I do with my attitude. I know what I want, I know what I am doing in not wrong and as long as my conscience is clear there is nothing that can get in my way.

Situations at home are always tough, but at the end of the day one has to realise that family is family. For me, clearly, I have always believed that your family should be your priority. Tomorrow god forbid something goes wrong in life, the only people really and truly standing next to you will be your family.

No matter what the issues... with family and otherwise... Make smart choices. Choose the people you keep around, other than family obviously, very carefully. Do not give them the right to cross certain lines. And be happy with life and choices you have made. I must emphasize on the fact that a LOT of thought needs to be given on the people around you, but once you do, make sure you are okay/happy with it.

With family, you can't really choose who you have around, however you can decide to ignore certain things and move on from the issues cause and created.

Either way, the show must go on... The show we call 'life'. Like a friend and I always say, 'This too shall pass' and that saying, 'Life is what happens when you have other plans' :)