It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

The title of this post is from a song... But I don't really mean it in the same sense.

You know I have gone through a funny phase this past year... Felt like I had lost my grounding a bit and have taken a full circle trying to make my way back.

Finally, in the recent past, I had decided that it was time to get back into action in a lot of ways in my life and I did. I know that when I get down to something, plan in my head and decide what I need to do, I just go ahead and do it. And when I want something with a clear and earnest heart, I get it too.

Things have started moving in the direction they should, and everything is going well... I'm happy yet I feel like there is a void in me. I'm happy yes, but sometimes I feel like I'm happy only on the outside... I've never ever in my life felt this before... I am one who emotes and feels every emotion to the fullest...

I knew that in a months time I needed to get a job, which paid me a certain amount, post which I need to start looking for an apartment and things would start sitting in place...

I got a job, which paid me what I asked for (contrary to what most people thought about what I'd get) I know that taking an apartment and everything else that needs to happen will also happen. I'm happy because as always, when I really put my mind to what I want, I get it... But this time round... for some reason, my heart is not truly happy... I feel a void. Normally I would have probably reacted questioning this feeling and pulling myself down about it. But this time, I'm observing the feelings inside of me for a change. I'm not reacting to them, just observing them. It is a different feeling, I can't really seem to explain it.

I'm happy, grateful, hopeful and looking forward to a lot. But still feel like there is something missing... Is it a part of me? Is it something else? I have no idea... All I know is that the day may be bright, but I'm not my brightest. The flower may be beautiful, yet I don't pay attention to it the way I normally would. I can smell the coffee, but it doesn't taste as strong. I feel a little numb inside... and I just don't know why... I might have a slight idea as to what it might be... But I wont know for sure till what I'm thinking of in my head, happens.

So... Here I am... living each day as it comes. I guess this is yet another something new for me to go through :)

It's a little bit funny... This feeling inside!